Question to Parents of Teens - How to deal with sexually active teen

Question

My husband and I found many text messages on our 15 yr old son's phone which lead us to believe our son is sexually active. Among other things, the texts reveal that he is trying to coerce his girlfriend in to perfoming oral s*x on him. We sat down with him and told him of the implications (health, legal, etc.) of engaging in sexual activity at his age. Hopefully he was listening, but who knows? I'm so confused right now. What should I as a mother do? I just don't think that taking away his phone, computer access and monitoring him to death is the answer but, I confess, this was the first thing that came to mind. Are there any parents out there who have raised teenagers and do you have any advice?

Answer 1

Don't let him have as much freedom. DO NOT BUY HIM CONDOMS tell him if he wants them he got to go buy them but himself.

Answer 2

The stress of having a teenager.......I would say the best thing to do is just make sure he is prepared ie: condoms, dental dams, etc..... If he wants to have s*x he will find a way to do it weather you like it or not. That is just the way this generation is now. Talk to your doctor and see if there are any s*x ed classes he can attend so he will be fully informed about not only the good side of s*x, but the bad side also.

Answer 3

wow no matter what you say he is going to do things like that, it is a part of life. be their for him, talk to him about (condoms, pills, getting a girl pregnant and etc), and just mostly don't turn your back on him.

I am a teen girl...

Answer 4

You read his text messages?!  So you invaded his personal space, and then invaded it again about his thoughts on s*x.  If he feels ready, let him be, maybe buy him some condoms or something.  Personally I'm against any s*x before marriage, but it's his choice, and you can't decide it for him.

I'm not a parent, I'm not married, but I am a teen virgin and plan to stay that until marriage, but I do think you should give his some space and let him make his own choices.

Answer 5

I'm 17 and my parents have just found out i am sexually active with my boyfriend that i have been with for a year. my parents took the wrong route and began shouting and banning me from seeing him.dont do as mine did,itwill push your son further away trust me. Let him know how much you do trust and love your son, he will feel pressured into s*x by his peers but you have to realise that he is still your son and by you showing him the correct amount of understanding with disdiscipline should listen.

good luck x

Answer 6

im 16 and trust me, hes gonna do it no matter what his parents tell him!

try to be there for him but its a part of growing up! just try 2 accept this x

Answer 7

Well, if he wants to be sexually active, he's going to find a way around your "rules". Instead of reprimanding him, and punishing him, you have to have a serious talk with him.

Tell him that by pressuring girls into doing things, it is showing that he has no respect for them, and it makes him look terrible. Tell him that he has to respect the boundaries of any girl he decides to date or come in contact with.

As far as s*x goes, let him know that you do not approve. Let him know that there are options, such as condoms, and not only that, but abstinence. Tell him that by having s*x with numerous partners really puts him at risk for stds and even getting a girl knocked up. Condoms don't prevent everything, you know.

Tell him that you hope he will respect you and your father's wishes and not do anything he regrets. Explain that if he has a child now, he is at a loss - his future will be very rough. Tell him if he is responsible enough to have s*x in the first place, he should be responsible enough to handle the consequences that follow.

Answer 8

Firstly, if you have not already taught him personal responsibility, self respect, respect for others--it may be too late now. Monitoring him to death won't help. I'm sure you've tried to, though.

Saying he's trying to "coerce" his gf into a bj is a little disturbing. Of course he wants her to, but if he is getting pushy, or seems to be using her, that's way wrong. He can't even drive--how does he have a gf???

Go over all those things with him again. Show him the most disgusting pictures of STDs you can find. Show him a video of a birth (well, he's looking at those parts now anyway).  Tell him the "lines" girls may give him--to trap him--"I'm on the pill", "I'm not ovulating", all that BS.

Tell him HE is responsible for buying condoms, on his own. Make him take ownership of it. If he's adult enough to get a BJ or have s*x, he is adult enough to march into Walmart and get rubbers.

Scare him--tell him by doing that stuff, he is sayign HE alone could handle it if a child results. There will be no help or sympathy from you. You fly the nest, you don't come back.

Good luck.

Answer 9

He probably has his mind set on having this done, so just let him know how to protect himself (condoms & dental dams). Tell him that you don't approve, but you want him to be safe if he's going to do this anyway.

Answer 10

If he's begging his girlfriend to give him oral...he's not sexually active...yet. But he wants to be. (that's no secret)

What is there to "deal with" with your kid being sexually active? (well in your son's case, wanting to be) The best thing to do is to give him condoms and actual factual information.

If he wants to have s*x, nothing you say or do is going to stop him. So would you rather him, behind you back, have unprotected s*x (because he didn't have access to any contraception) and then get STDs and get girls pregnant? (not saying that always happens, but it's very possible) Or would you like to give him actual knowledge and teach him to make safe and smart decisions?

Answer 11

Well, dont draw attention to it. Too much attention will make him feel insecure and could loose confidence in other activities. This is a personal experience he is exploring. Sadly taking away things from him will probably not stop him from doing this act. He will just become more angry with him. Simply act like this doesnt bother you, act like you dont know. You cant stop your son from having a life, because exploring sexuality is normal. Things you can do are buy condoms, and go through the ways to protect yourself. Something that is really effective is saying something like there was an article in this magazine or the paper about this teenage girl getting pregnant, and what is happening to her now, or how someone died from AIDS or something. To let him know there are risks out there. If you dont pressure him and dont make a big deal out of it, later in life he will come to you to talk about these sort of things because he trusts you, like the cool mom.  

Answer 12

"lead us to believe"?  Come back when you are sure.

Answer 13

To tell you the truth I don't think your son is doing anything wrong. We all do it at one point...its normal feeling.

Don't tell me you didnt do anything like that in high school...yes its not something we want to talk about with our own children, but it happens at one point.

Just tell him to becareful.  

Answer 14

let him know that I'm a 13 year old girl and i think I'm pregnant tell him not to make the same mistakes i did tell him that if he gets her pregnant  he will be a father and he will have to grow up super fast if he wants to be a part of that kids life