Question to the adoptive parents:?

Question

Do you worry about adopting a child with fetal alcohol syndrome, or other drug and alcohol related problems?

If it was possible, would you be more willing to adopt a newborn infant, than an older child such as a toddler?

Do you ever consider the emotional instability of the birth mother, post adoption?

Answer 1

1)yes, it's  reality, but there's a health risks to all baies, you never know. I don't worry about it for my sake, but for the baby's sake.

2) If we had not adopted our son, we would not have adopted period. He was an newborn, wasn't really planned, but if she wanted to parent for a while, we wold had been open to adopting him as an older child.

3) This is the part that wories me the more. I SAW the pain and greif. Our sons adoption was final after 20 months, and it's comforting knowing that she had that much time to have a change of heart. It just makes it feel more rigt.

Answer 2

Well i think alot of things run threw peoples heads,its just up to them at how their willing to take it on the insider people are differnt all over and wiling to do other things other people aint.

Answer 3

We would prefer to raise kids with FASD or other medical/mental issues.  We work with kids with these types of issues (and many more), so we have experience with it.  Besides, if we had biological kids, they would most likely have special needs because of some lovely medical issues my family has passed down to me.  Why not give a family to a kid who already needs one?  

We have had more than one opportunity to raise an infant, but we have turned them down.  We know that our refusal to adopt a healthy infant won't hurt that child in the least - someone will be more than happy to raise that child (there are 90 couples waiting to adopt for every healthy white infant).  We have also attempted to adopt infants (with FASD or other issues), and that has fallen through for various reasons.  (It's interesting the things people call us about now that we're adopting...over the last 3 years or so, we've gotten 6 different offers for various types of private adoption, and we've turned them all down due to ethical issues.)  

We have not had a placement yet, but we absolutely will consider the emotional instability of the mother after the adoption.  With the current potential placement, the mother has disappeared, so we won't have any way of knowing about her mental state.  We're hopeful that when she turns up again, we'll be able to make some contact...if we become this girl's parents.

Answer 4

These are good questions and need to be considered and researched as these kids need parents who know the deal, who know what to expect and are prepared emotionally, physically and financially to meet their needs and be an advocate for them throughout their lives, particularly in school. Our first adoption was from China and we knew that we would not receive any medical info and what we did receive could not be counted on. For us it was a leap of faith and we felt prepared to accept whatever came our way. We were in it for the long haul. We are currently in the process to adopt from foster care and we have taken classes and read books about particular conditions, including FAS, ADHD, ODD, RAD and the like. It is a little scary and we sometimes wonder if we can handle it, but at the end of the day, we really think we can. I believe PAPs need to think long and hard about what they are willing to expect and if in their minds they cannot seem to get past the idea of "the perfect child" then I really think they need to reconsider adopting. Even 1 disruption is too many.

The emotional instability of the mother should be taken into consideration regarding future contact. I will protect my child. Pictures, letter, emails, these would be continued, hopefully, but actual physical visitation, that would really depend. My child's safety, security and emotional stability would be my only concern.

Answer 5

It makes no difference what age the child is, FASD and drug problems can still be a factor.

The mother of my youngest (5 months old this past week) admitted to alcohol use while pregnant as well as crack cocaine use.  That and a number of other issues are why this child, her 9th by 27 years old, was taken from her and put for adoption.  Thankfully, only one of her previous children have shown any overt signs of FASD so far.

My little one so far is meeting or exceeding the various milestones for a child of her age but we know that it can change at any time.  It was part of the "risk" we were willing to take.  

Thankfully there was no drug withdrawal in the first two weeks after she was born and the Drs have told us that there should be no long term effects from that either but as anyone in the field will tell you, the experts are still divided on the long term effects of pre-natal drug abuse by expectant mothers.

Oddly enough, my oldest has very mild symptoms commensurate with FASD however to the best of our knowledge there was no alcohol use by her bio mother.  We can say that because my daughter is East Indian and the instances of alcohol abuse in rural areas there, by expectant mothers, is slim.  Her issues however were a result of malnutrition both pre and post natal.  When we got our daughter she was 8 months old but only weighed 10 lbs.  Its that malnutrition at such a critical time in development that caused her issues which manifest themselves through mild learning delays.  Nothing we can't handle though and she will more then likely be able to carry on through school to a community college if she wished.  

My point is, no matter what the age of the child, no matter what info is known or not known about the bio mom (there is no saying she will tell the truth about alcohol or drug use/abuse), there are still things that can creep up...or hopefully not.  You always hope for the best but prepare for the worse.

Answer 6

if she wants to give the child up no i wouldnt consider her feelings, and it will be hard but it will just take time for the child to get to know you and get use to a new home but if the child has a good home that child will get to know quicker and easier

Answer 7

Our 17 year old, was born "Crack positive". He had asthma, for many years, as a result of the exposure to crack, but has since outgrown it. He is also short, for his age, he is 17 and still wears a size 18/20 in boys clothes.

He was almost three, when we brought him home, one factor I know was a plus for him was his loving foster home. He was blessed with outstanding foster parents, that went the extra mile to see that he had all the services, that were available.

We were concerned, but it did not stop us for wanting to adopt him.

Our youngest son, is three, they suspect at some point in her pregnancy, mom used drugs. He has fine motor tremors, a 70 percent speech delay, has had eye surgery, wears glasses and a few other problems. He has been in speech, OT and other programs since he was one. His first mom, has some problems, she has a low IQ, can't read, was abused as a child and was in foster care. We still stay in contact, it is not always easy, but we, all, keep trying. We get mad at each other, she says, she is not going to call again, but we get through it and move on.

If she had been encouraged and nurtured as a child, she would have achieved so much. But when you are called dumb and stupid all your life you believe it. She can be very defensive, but after all she has been through, that was the only way she has survived.

Answer 8

From the begining, we've been open to alcohol, cigarette, and drug exposure. Now, after adopting two amazing little boys, we have a little more experience as parents we feel we could meet the needs of a child with more signifigant special needs then we originally felt prepared for (cerebral palsy, FAS, down syndrome, deaf/ HOH, etc)

With our first adoption we felt prepared to adopt a child up to age 3 (both of our boys ended up joining our family at 6 months old though) Although we'd love to adopt a preschooler or older child at this point, our youngest is only 18 months old, and we've found it's best to keep the birth order if possible, so we'll want to wait until our sons are older.

We unfortunetly have no contact with our son's birthmothers at this point since they were international adoptions, and the children were relinquished 6 months before we adopted them. I do think a lot about how difficult it must have been for their firstmoms and hope they were able to get some counseling to deal with the emotional issues involved with placing a child for adoption.