Questions about a so-called open adoption?

Question

I have/had? an open adoption, I am the birthmom. I have recently tried to contact the adoptive parents, by phone. They are not returning my calls. I know I have no rights to my baby- that's not what I was after. But what do I do now? If she wants to find me in the future, I'd like her to be able to, to find out any information she might not have, or to get to know me, either is fine.

I have all of their personal information like name and address. I also have the name of my attorney that they have been sending pictures each year through. I'm not sure if I should try to contact them through him, or just let it go- I left messages (nothing too personal) on their machine at home, so I don't see a point in going through the attorney except that there would be proof I tried to contact them, should my bio-child ever get acess to that... I'm just afraid now that she'll think I want nothing to do with her.

Advice?

Answer 1

Your child might be very happy to see documented proof that you tried to stay in their life, so I'd go through the attorney.

Answer 2

Why did you give your child up for adoption and now are trying so hard to be apart of there life. Its not going happen, they might try to find you, but not til there like over 18.

Answer 3

Maybe their out of town.  This happens a lot by what everyone is telling me. A lot of open adoptions are only open until  the adopted family doesn't  feel like dealing with the natural mom anymore. Keep all their personal info this should help you later down the road,if you want to find your child.

          Write them a letter explaining how you feel.  Also write a letter to your child, I have heard that this also helps the child when he or she gets older.

Answer 4

Does she know you exist? Have they told her she is adopted? If so and you have left everything open so she will be able to find out about you and meet you or whatever later in life then there isn't much more you can do. You have done so much already. When she is ready she will want to know about you and she will be able to. Good luck. :)

Answer 5

This is coming from an adopted child myself. I don't know if you want my opinion or advice, but if you want, feel free to contact me anytime on email [e-mail]. If interested of course.

Now, what agency did you do it through, was it private or was it somewhere like Centacare? Mine went through Centacare, and we've never actually had direct contact. Besides it all goes through my social worker. I'm 17 now, and have been adopted since age 5, so I've had a fair few social workers.

Did the agreement say you get visitation rights, because my adoption was an open adoption. The open adoption stated that my mother had a right to a visitation with me annually, and I think only one visit because she lived in Queensland and I down in NSW, and Centacare had to pay for her transportation down and back, rather costly seeing as she had eight other children in foster and adoptive care.

I was in fact speaking with m parents last night about this and they told me that. Does your daughter actually know she's adopted? They may not have told her, and be worried about her answering the phone and having direct contact with her, maybe they are worried, like many adopive parents, that you'll take her love away, that they won't love her as much.

In the end, your decision. If you wanna contact me you can, email above. I also have MSN and yahoo im for reasons like this.

Cya, and sorry if you didn't want this kind of advice.

Answer 6

I adopted a child and tried to let the biological mother keep contact and it was always a nightmare.  I never really felt like her mother because there was so much interference. Finally I stopped the contact with her only to find that my daughter was married last month and now is going back to her mother and has turned her back on me totally, Adoption can be a very heartwrenching experience, would I do it again, yes but I would in the beginning not let the birth mother have contact until the child was of age.  Maybe this is what the adoptive parents have decided to do.

My heart goes out to you but I do understand both sides.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Oh Sarah - I do hope that there is a good explanation to the lack of contact on their behalf - but I'm so scared they're closing up the adoption.

Definately try to contact their lawyer - and the adoption agency.

I'm sure you would be entitled to at least have the paperwork you signed. Perhaps you should check with your own lawyer - or legal aid - about that.

As an adoptee - I would have been so angry with my adoptive parents if they had closed up an open adoption on me.

So so angry.

Can I also suggest that you keep some kind of journal about this - and just about you and your thoughts - for your child. One day - hopefully - you'll get to meet each other again - face to face - and I'm sure that she would really treasure such a gift.

If you need other first-mothers to talk to - check out -

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

- which also has nightly chat.

I wish you all the very best.

Answer 8

How old is your son/daughter?  Also, do you have an open adoption contract?  Those ARE legally inforceable in some places.  

Other than that, I would first try writing a snail-mail letter directly to the child (if he/she is old enough) or sending a card if he/she is not old enough.  Keep trying to phone once a week.  

Was this a private adoption, or an agency adoption.  If it was through an agency, go back and ask for help finding out what's going on.  Maybe you and the parents can work something out.  If it was private, go back to the adoption attourney, or get an attorney of your own to look into it.  

Maybe something is going on with the child and his/her parents are just scared and frustrated.  It is unkind of them to close the adoption without even letting you know.  Maybe they just needed some space to think.  

Good luck!

Answer 9

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I don't think they are out of town, unless they deliberately moved without telling you. This is very common in "open" adoptions. Please start counseling because when you realize just exactly what has happened to you, you will be.... there are no words... it brought me to my knees. Had I not gotten counseling, I don't think I would have made it. You'll never get over this, but you will get through it, and not very gracefully, if you're anything like most of the first moms.

((( hug )))

Answer 10

When was the last time you verbally spoke to your birthchild’s parents?  In the past have you actual spent time with your birthchild and her parents? Talked to them on the phone?  Or has it mainly been photos/updates sent via the mail?

If it hasn't be long since you have had contact with them. Maybe they are out of town or they have some things going on in their lives, a death in the family, family illness  etc.

Answer 11

The best thing to do is to leave messages and letters with the attorney that handled the adoption.  It almost sounds like they finally got tired of having you around "their" baby, and are shutting you out.  Simply put: they got their use out of you, now they want you out of the picture completely.  Sad truth to the "joy" of "open" adoption.