Questions about adopting my brothers child?

Question

My brother has a 2 yr old child that has been living with my mother for about a year. My brother and his girlfriend are drug addicts and have been evicted from thier house and been in and out of jail during the past year. My mom is filing for legal guardianship and by their acitons have showed that they are taking little interset in the child. So my wife and I are contemplating if we should adopt the child if they continue the path they are on. Does anyone have expierence with this. I have had a good relationship with my brother before the drug use. We have questions like what to do if my brother comes around or how to explain when my niece gets older about her birth parents. any help would be greatly appreciated

Answer 1

depending on what state you are in and their laws, I would immediately try working with your brother & the girlfriend about your wife and yourself becoming appointed as Guardian's of the minor child in question.  If they won't sign the paperwork agreeing to that arrangement you may still file the court action and although will most likely become much more involved (child protection services will be in and out of your home, looking at every little aspect of your life and activities but they will also do the same to the "natural parents" and if they aren't to be found, can step in and appoint guardianship without their consent as being in the best interest of the child).  Once guardianship is established, here in Arizona it can take on average from 60 days to 6 months to become final in the court, it is much easier to then start the process of adoption.  Being that you are relatives directly, you'd be favored as potential adoptive parents vs a foster family or even other relatives that aren't as closely related (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc).  Call or go to your state's Department of Economic Security (Welfare, State Medical & Food Stamp Office) or contact Child Protective Services, your state or counties Family Court system or if to no avail, consult a family law attorney which could be at no cost or quite costly depending on how much time and involvement you'd require of the firm's assistance.  Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 2

well ur brother isnt doing so well in this drug addiction but if you think it is for the best for his 2 year old son then u should tell your brother to either stop using drugs or you need to take away his child. and in the future your brother will thank u for taking care of his son. he knows your only worried for him and his child. and also if this continues the kid won't grow up normally and probably feel abused or ignored. thats what i think. you do what u think is best. good luck!

Answer 3

WOW!  Your story sounds a lot like ours in some respects.  However, we weren't related to the couple with the child.

This is what happened in our situation:

Our son was removed from his bio parents at birth by the state.  He was placed in kinship care with his grandparents temporarily.  Because of their age and a medical disorder he was born with, they did not feel they could parent him "long-term".  The state suggested that they try to arrange a private adoption or the state would be required to put him in foster care.

In order for us to proceed with the adoption, the biological grandparents went to family court and had a judge terminate the parental rights of the bio parents (they attended and agreed).  The judge knew that the intention of the grandparents was to receive legal custody of the child so that they could proceed with the adoption with us.  The judge granted the necessary approvals, and the same day, we completed the adoption paperwork and our son became ours.  We joke that he had three sets of parents in one day.  :)  

We have agreed to allow his bio-grandparents in his life - in fact, we call them Grandma & Grandpa.  They were such a huge part of our being able to adopt our son and they are amazing people, so we chose to allow them to remain in his life.  The bio-parents, however, we do not want any contact with due to our experience with them.   The grandparents respect that choice.  We know some day we will have to address it but for now, our son knows he was adopted, knows that he lived with Grandma & Grandpa before he lived with us, and we'll just cross the other bridges when they happen.

Kudos to you for caring enough about your niece to make her your own.  Good luck!

Answer 4

Your niece is lucky to have you.  The first thing you need to do is file abandoment charges against your brother and his girlfriend.  This will establish their lack of interest in their child.  document everything.  When or if they call or come by.  Their state of mind when they call or come by.  document the jail time ect.  Once you have this documentation you then can ask the judge to terminate the parental rights of your brother and his girlfriend.  Since they are not married you may have to have two hearings.  If the judge agrees with you and terminates their parental rights they no longer have any say so or rights to your niece.  This being a family member (brother) can get a little tricky.  You have to decide if your loyalty is going to lay with your niece or your brother.  You also have to decide if you are going to continue to allow your brother and his girlfriend to visit with the child.  If they are doing drugs I would not recommend visitation.  supervised or otherwise.  When you niece gets older tell her that her Mom and Dad had a problem with drugs.  The drugs prevented them from providing a stable life for her.  Don't lie to her and say they died or anything like that because someday she will find out the truth and then hate you.  It is very admirable what you and your wife are willing to do.  It will not be easy but it can be done.  One more thing.  Have you talked to your brother and girlfriend about letting you and your wife adopt this child?  Maybe they would be willing. It would be a lot easier that way.  It is very hard to have parental rights terminated.  I have tried numerous times with my sister and her husband to no avail.  Good luck to you and your family.  I hope it grows by one soon.  D & G Gifts Etc

Answer 5

If you do it, go all the way:  the child is not "like" your own, it is your own; heir to your estate.  Explaining is not the problem.  Your mom must have developed quite an attraction for this child in two years.  Where were you?  What about her?

Answer 6

if you have the financial means and the time, you should adopt her. but do remember that this lovable two year old will over time morph into a hormonal teenager. she won't stay two forever. Also, you're looking into alot of expenses here for atleast another 16 years, as well as her college tuition. raising a child isn't easy, and it sure aint cheap.

However, if you still feel that you have the money, time, energy, and love to give, then I think you should seriously go for it. at this age she needs a lot of security and she needs people who can love her unconditionally and be parent figures for her. seeing as she's 2, she probably has some idea of who her real parents are [children start remembering things after the age of 2], so it might be better if you told her about her "tummy mommy" and "heart mommy"- the woman who gave her birth, and the woman who loves her like her own daughter. explain to her that her parents probably loved her but they couldnt take care of her [nothing is more shattering to a child's self esteem than the thought of her parents not loving her], and that because you loved her so much, you became her "heart parents". don't lie to her and hide the fact that her parents were drug addicts- when shes older it will probably come up in conversation, and she'll probably understand it. if you lie to her, she'll get angry later on. be honest with her, and she'll appreciate not only the honestly, but the fact that you guys loved her enough to take care of her and give her the life her real parents ***** because they were too busy getting high. it'll probably help her stay away from drugs as a teenager/young adult. also, if you had a good relationship with her father, let her know that. let her see pictures of her birth parents in better times, and let her know what her real father was like as a child. let her know that her "tummy daddy" was a good person as a child. when shes older and understands that he was on drugs, she'll get to see the entire picture you saw.

Good luck and I hope everything works out with her.

Answer 7

MY PARENTS WERE ALSO DRUG ADDICTS AND I WAS ADPOTED BY MY AUNTIE. I THINK U SHOULD ADPOT THE CHILD.

Answer 8

You'll have to discuss this between yourselves and figure out how to handle things IF he comes around later. Personally, I'd have to tell him that sure...you care about him, but you're raising this child because he couldn't. If he's recovered that's great and he can see her...but he can't s***w around for 10 years and THEN decide he's ready to parent her/him. That choice has been made. He's welcome to be a part of his/her life, but YOU are part of his/her life too...an even larger part, so it's not fair to her to remove her/him from the only parents the child has ever known, just because he decides it's time to be a father.

I'd also be honest with the child. You can tell her/him that her/his parents have this problem without making it sound like they did it because they didn't want her/him, or love her/him. If you hide it ...she/he WILL eventually find out and you'll look like you betrayed her/him.

Answer 9

have a family talk and talk to the pparenets they may give you all guardianship followed in 6 months by the fulladoption,