Questions for adoptees that were adopted as children not babies?

Question

We want to adopt...but are trying to figure out if we want to adopt a newborn or an older child. My husband is concerned about the emotional problems that a 3 or 4 year old might have. Anyone out there that was adopted at preschool age? Or has anyone adopted a preschooler?

Answer 1

My son was adopted at the age of 2-1/2. He was in a very loving foster home before he came to us and he was loved and well taken care of. He cried and was ill the day we took him home with us for good, but never again after that. We kept a picture of his foster parents in his bedroom for a long time and we talked about them and his birth mother (who he had weekly visits with until her parental rights were terminated 3 months after we brought him home). He is six now and occasionally asks questions about his birth mother and he likes to hear the story about the day we took him home with us and his foster family cried. (I think it makes him feel loved and cherished.) He doesn't seem to have any memories of his birth mother or foster family -- he only asks me to repeat the stories. He never says, "I remember..." or anything like that.

Kids' stories are all different. A child who has been moved from foster home to foster home might have attachment issues and may have a hard time bonding with new people. Some kids are just naturally curious about where they came from. My son hasn't experienced any of this...yet. We speak openly with him about his birth mother and foster parents and don't hide anything. We give him as much information as we think he can handle. I'm sure he will ask more difficult and involved questions as he gets older, but he is very well-adjusted now and is sweet, loving, and smart. We consider ourselves very lucky to have been blessed with such a great child! We were also rather "picky" when we filled out our adoption forms, knowing that we weren't equipped to handle a child with abuse, psychosis, etc. in his or her background. The wait may be longer if you are "picky," but only you can decide what issues you may be able to handle.

Good luck and aloha  :)

Answer 2

i was adopted at the age of 3. i am now in my 30's and have met my birth family. i thank god every day that i was adopted into a warm, loving and wonderful family.

i think anyone who is willing to adopt a child of any age, is a person of considerable love and generosity.

Answer 3

I'm not sure I qualify but I was adopted at the age of 2 and I'm fine.  I am very bonded with my family, am now happily married, and have had a wonderful life.  I think your husband is right to be somewhat concerned.  But I really believe that the right amount of love can help with any emotional concern.  Now, it's a different story adopting a teenager who's been in and out of foster homes and has many, many problems.  These kids aren't a lost cause but would just be more difficult and would take more patience.  I think anything before 5 and you're fine.

Answer 4

I was adopted at the age of 4 from over seas in Africa. I turned out just fine. (17 now)

Answer 5

My husband and I adopted a 3 year old boy from Guatemala.  He's been with us for almost a year now.  I couldn't ask for things to be any better.  He's wonderful!  He's my little boy!  

Adopting an older child certainly has it's challenges, but it also has it "perks" too.  Our son came giggling and laughing and able to play.  We didn't have to stay up all night with 2 hour feedings or yucky diapers.  (We'd already experienced that twice before....been there, done that, got the stained t-shirt).  When we found out that most children our son's age grow up in orphanages rather than get a chance at a family, it made us feel even more blessed to have him as our son.  

A friend of mine has been unable to conceive and she wants to experience a "baby in the house".  So, she is adopting a baby AND a preschooler! : )

Answer 6

I was adopted at 3 (I'm almost 50) I finally turned out OK. I always ask about adopted children amongst my clients. One lady I know has two girls from a Russian orphanage. They were 5-6 when they finally got them. 5 years later she has no regrets and the girls are doing wonderfully. The lady who adopted DID NOT want 2 girls or older kids (she wanted a baby) but these girls have been her biggest blessing. Her advice is ...' listen to and follow your heart. Even those of us blessed with childbirth are not guaranteed a perfect child.'  I hope your 'higher power' can guide you in your decision. Frm the heart of an adoptee I say 'all I ever needed was a mountain of love and to know I was wanted ... and the folks who chose me gave me both"