Questions for military wives who have given birth with their husbands deployed?

Question

First off, is there anything that you can do to make it easier on the father?

This will be our first child, and it will be born 3 months before my husband returns from his first deployment to Bahrain.

I am worried mainly about my husband, because... of course, the baby won't remember anything or feel bad about him not being there.

Is there anything that I can do to help him feel like he's getting to know the baby even while overseas? Are they allowed to have internet and webcams or the like over there?

Also, how do you deal with the changing weight? He will have missed my last 3.5 months of pregnancy, and I don't want to freak him out by being 10 times bigger than I was when he left :-)

I'm sure he'll get over it though...

Are there any ways to lose baby weight quick?

Also, did you spend the time with your family, or did you stay put by the base?

We are getting out in less than a month from when my husband returns from deployment, but still, I am sure that I'll want to be with him even in that little bit, He wants to move to TX, but I don't want to move everything without him having a new job or knowing where we'll be going??!! He wants to go to Texas, but half a month isn't really much time to find a job, not to mention, I'll be taking care of a 2 month old baby, and it will be difficult for me to support us all while he's looking for a new job...

Sorry if I look like I'm venting... I'm a bit panicked and worried...

The time from deployment really should be a time of bonding for him and the baby, maybe I'm just paranoid, but with our situation, I see nothing but LOTS of stress ahead. Maybe it's just the hormones getting to me though.

How did you deal with it all?

I mean... having a baby while he's overseas? That has to be hard enough on it's own right? What are some things that you can do to make it easier for everyone?

Answer 1

My husband is in Iraq now, he left 2 weeks before I was due TWO WEEKS!! lol but you just have to keep on trucking.  Its not easy for anyone, of especially the father and mother. Hormones are horrible and everything just seems hard.

But no fear, you will get through it.  Of course it will still be hard recovering after the pregnancy but things eventually get better.  If he doesnt have a laptop or you a computer (with webcams), I suggest you definately invest in one.  Of course, i dont know about Bahrain, there are days maybe weeks you cant communicate, the times he sees you and baby on the webcam will be worth it.  Not only webcam but with technology so advanced today its just a touch of a button you can send pictures you take with a digital cam or moments that cant be missed with a camera cell phone straight into his email.

There will be days worse than others but I definately believe in maternal instinct because somehow you just make it. And the baby weight mostly just comes off especially if you were good at excercising while pregnant, I'm in the army also so it was mandatory. Of course I'm still 15 pounds over my starting weight but it doesnt come off like magic and im sure your husband will understand.

To make things easier try to find a strong support group. Maybe also find mothers whose husbands are deployed, I know they have FRG's for this type of thing, try to get involved make friends or if you can go back to your family.  Having a child can be rough especially with your husband gone just try to find a good support system!!

Good Luck!

Answer 2

right after my husband deployed, ifound ot i was pregnant, he was secluded so it took a week before i could tell him on a 2 minute phone call. luckily he was only gone 5 months, and came home to a 6 month pregnant belly. lol he was here for the birth, but deployed again when our son was almost 4 months. my sone is now 1 year old and 6 days old, he missed his baby's 1st birthday, and we still have 8 months to go. i take lots of photos and lil video's with my digital camera and put them all on cd's to mail overseas to my hubby. we get online togther here and there and i put the baby on web cam s he can see him. we talk on the phone alot and i try to remeber all the lil cute thiongs our son does. make a baby journal, and keep track of the silly moment of a cherrio stuck to his nose. just so you can remember to share it. its rough, believe, but my hubby is making these sacrofises for his lil family. and it makes me so proud of him, it was a hard life before the military.  

Answer 3

Three months, especially the first three months, missed will be much harder on you and your husband than the baby.  The baby will not realize anyone is missing...he will think all is right in the world since he will be loved, fed, cared for and happy.  Of course, you want your husband to feel involved..there is more to bonding than being physically present.  Emails with pictures...lots of pictures..will help.  Describe what you do day to day..feeding, burping, baby noises, the whole bit.  Make an album with the pictures you are sending to him and then, once he is home keep adding to it.  When he gets back, I am positive your weight will be the last thing he focuses on...his joy at seeing you and his child will take over everything.  I would suggest the first few weeks should be about you and your husband and child.  It can be tough as parents and grandparents are going to want to be there, but stand firm.  Your husband needs the time to connect on a physical level with his child (as well as to get used to the changes in life a new baby brings) as well as time to reconnect with you.

Now take a deep breath.  He is getting out after he gets back.  He wants to go to TX.  Is there family there?  Why is that where he wants to go?  Do you know what area he wants to go?  Will his military career transfer into a civilian job, does he have prior experience in the field he wants to go into?  All of that will help you get a better idea of what you need to to do.  I would say the best thing to do for now is to talk about what he wants after he gets out and get some sort of plan in place.  How will the bills be paid while he finds a job?  Will he take a job, any job, to pay those bills while he looks for his dream job?  If you work, will the baby stay home or will you have to consider daycare?  You are right..there willbe a lot of stress.  So take the time now to at least come up with a solid game plan and to gather information..rent, daycare costs, types of jobs in the area, etc.  The more information you have, the better you will feel.

You can do this.  It is tough and scarey..but you will have gone through pregnancy and delivery..and that is pretty intimidating on it's own!  Don't be afraid to ask for help, support and to vent..that is what will let the stress ease and keep you going.  

Answer 4

it makes me ill that so many woman are in your situation and for no good reason :(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! every woman shoudl have he rman next to her when she is in labor... he shoudl see his baby brought into this world.. especially the first one :( good luck!!... no thanks to bush

Answer 5

There is this site called http://www.troopspace.net/

One guy was able to see his child being born on web cam through that site while he was fighting overseas. That might be something that would be worth checking out :)  

Answer 6

i'm in a similar situation. i'm due w/ our first child 4 months before he even comes home for R&R, then he still has 4 months left, so the baby will be 8 months old by the time he comes home for good. as for him not freaking out about the weight-send him pics of you the whole time as you gain the weight and afterwards so he knows what you look like-it'll help relieve some of the surprise. however, 3 months is a lot of time, you may not lose all the baby weight, but you'll have lost some of it. my goal is to work my butt off and diet and get back to pre-pregnancy weight before his R&R. but i'm kinda into fitness, and i've been working out the whole pregnancy still.

    as for staying with family or at the base- i stayed on base. i had to go home for the first 2 months of his deployment, and i missed the military wives and life and just being around people who understand what you're going through. my mom is going to come up and stay with me for a few weeks when i first have the baby because i can't be by myself right after birth, trying to do everything.

   about the bonding-just send lots of pictures. i have a friend who had a baby 8 months before her husband came home and, for them, the transition had no problems. she just said to make sure that you let lots of people hold the baby, especially men, so it's not a shock when daddy first holds the baby.