Questions for people who have adopted?

Question

how much time did it take you to go from thinking about adopting to finalizing the paperwork? how mcuh did it cost, did you hire lawyers, etc? it adopting internationally easier or more difficult?

I've always though about adoption, but it seems like you have to be prepared for so much time, energy, money, and be willing to be investigated to your wit's end, just because you want to adopt instead of using IVF or having a child naturally. is it really as bad as it seems it would be?

Answer 1

I went through an agency in the US and the baby I adopted was born in the US. It took 11 months and cost 15 thousand. I did not hire a lawyer per say as the agency had one to act on behalf of the adoption. I went through 8 years of infertility treatments. Our plan was to adopt one and have one if I could possible get pregnant. I couldn't carry and when it came time to move to egg donation, I was just done. I have never look back my adopted children are my life. I don't think I could love them more even if I gave birth to them. Parenting takes a lot of energy. It is not for a sissy. Its hard and no time off for good or bad behavior. But I love it

Answer 2

We started talking about adoption about 3 years before we started the actual process.  Once we started the process, it took us 7 months to complete the paperwork, and we have been on the waiting list for a year and 4 months.  So, altogether, the process itself has taken nearly 2 years (and we are still waiting), and since we started thinking about it, it has been 5 years.  

We are going through the special needs program in Oregon, which might make a difference, and we are hoping for a young child or sibling group with minimal issues...a very "popular" group of kids.  We are also interested in teens, but haven't gotten any bulletins for them in awhile.

We could have gone through DHS and done the entire process for free, but we decided to go through an agency.  Since it has taken so long to get to where we are now, I'm wondering if it would have been a better choice to just go through DHS anyway (we went through the agency thinking that our worker wouldn't be as backlogged, and the process would move along faster...but while our worker wasn't as busy as a DHS worker would have been, we haven't moved along any faster...probably because a DHS worker who knows us would be able to advocate for us better than someone from an outside agency...just my two cents).  Anyway, the agency fee was $1200.  We had to go to one class, which was free, but we had to pay the food, gas, and lodging to the place where the class was held.  We were able to find a weekend class, so we didn't have to take any time off work (but our county also held the same classes, so we could have just gone in the evenings after work...we decided not to because, again, we were hoping to move it along faster, so we took the first class we found).  The only other fees we are responsible for are the legal fees after placement.

It does take a lot of time and energy.  Personally, the thought of going through pregnancy scares the bejesus out of me, and I'd rather do the paperwork!!!  LOL  However, we are also trying to conceive at the same time (cringe)...we will see what happens!  Good luck to you!

Answer 3

Absolutely not! It only took us 2 months from the time we started thinking about it to the time we brought our son home. We also did not pursue any fertility treatments as well. Here is how we were able to adopt rather quickly:

1)We were open to a very open adoption

2)we found an ethical agency that puts first moms first

3)we did not care about the race or gender of our child

4)we found an agency that had strict guidelines on who they allowed to adopt therefore only accepting very few adoptive couples. Their restrictions were based on religion, marital status, and the mom has to be a stay at home mom for 5 years.

The paperwork is very hard but if your committed and buckle down, it can only take a few weeks. My husband was very helpful so it wasn't all on my shoulders to get it done.

It cost around $20000. Also, if we paid the $20000 and our first mom chose to parent, we did not have to pay another $20000 to try again. They would just apply it to our next potential adoption.

Also, you can always look into foster care where your pretty much guaranteed to get a child in need.

Answer 4

I am by no means an expert here but last night I was reading on a blog that some international adoptions are through legitimate agencies but the children are actually kidnapped from their parents and then sold to citizens of other countries. It was disgusting. Some had problems with the kids attitudes and others were into kiddie p**n. I'm not saying this is every case but you might want to investigate this before accepting an international adoption. There was even reference to the people who handles Angelina's kids. One was allegedly stolen from his/her parents and the other case the lawyer was jailed.

Answer 5

It took us about a year to do the paper work. we adopted internationally and the country we chose had a pretty standard time line. We knew it would be about a year until we had the referral. for us it was easier, because we didn't like the idea of trying to "sell" our selves to birth parents. No lawyers were needed. the hardest part for us was waiting. We joked about it being an elephant pregnancy, because it took us 2 years from start to finish and we ended up with a beautiful nine month old baby girl

Answer 6

We adopted through the foster care system.  It took two years from the very start to final adoption.

It was 3-4 months to get through the home study and get licensed as a foster home.

We were a foster home for many months, caring for several  kids.   After a year, our kids (the ones we adopted) were placed with us as "legal risk".

It took about 10 months for the adoption to be finalized, mostly because the case was still working through the courts.

Because we went through the foster care system the adoption was fairly inexpensive.  We did have a lawyer, but many costs were covered by the state.  The process isn't hard at all.  It can be a little stressful at times, but well worth it.

Answer 7

thats hard, i was adopted myself and im so very blessed i got good parents. but now adays there are so many scam artists, take your money you get nothing...

a baby is gonna be tons of preperation no matter how you get the kid...

my parents went thru their church.. mind you this has been 40 yrs ago, but if God hasnt blessed you with one, goto church and ask...

Answer 8

I was thinking about adopting but then I got pregnant, so we have to wait a little longer, adoption is a wonderful thing, so long as you are ready to put time love and devotion.

Answer 9

I adopted 43 years ago and yes it is involved abit because

you have to make sure the baby goes to a good home that can help the child. and  if you question the involvement of

getting the baby then maybe you are not ready to have a

baby  because it takes alot of gving on your part, mentally and physically  so maybe you are not ready yet.

Answer 10

Yes it is involved, but so is pregnancy.  In pregnancy you go through physical labor.  With adoption you labor in other ways.  You have to be tough...you will be investigated like you won't believe.  

The biggest "oh wow" moment I had was when I was talking to a social worker and she commented that I was from a mixed race marriage.  I had always thought of my mom and dad as just that, not Eastern European and Native American.  So when she said mixed race, I had to step back and really look at where I came from.

You will learn things about yourself and about other people.  Like anything else, there will be ups and downs.  You just take the good with the bad and focus on the ultimate goal:  to be a parent.

As for cost:  it varies, so I would go to an agency near you.  Ours had a free information meeting that answers all your questions that you have listed here.  

Is it as bad as it seems?   1.  The most rewarding things in life are appreciated most when you work hard for them.  This is true in the case of adoption (at least from an AP's perspective).   2.  It is not "bad".  It is what it is, it is an investigation into your home, family, friends, etc.   Use this as a learning experience.  Kids dont come with handbooks, so use this as a time to educate yourself.  Ask your social worker to reccommend books on  parenting and adoption.  Don't look at the social worker as your enemy; look at her as another player on your team.  She is not coming to rip you apart, but to understand yourself, your partner a little better before you embark on this incredible job.  (and I am not an adoption worker, just an AP)

If you ask me , the paperwork was massive and the process lengthy, but ALL parents should have a homestudy process to go through.  It helps them ID issues they have had with their own childhood experience and to learn and grow and understand how they may affect decisions you make as a parent.  Biological parents need this too.

For me, in the end, it was completely worth it.  I would do it all over again, fertility struggles included because it brought me together with my daughter.  My husband and I are waiting on a second adoption now.  Ultimately, you have to decide if it is worth it.  Good luck!