Questions on adoption?

Question

Hi. My husband and I have been ttc for 2 and half years. We been threw hundreds of Dr appts. I feel like the Dr is not doing nothing because I am only 21 and he is 23. Anyways, we have been looking into adoption. My mother in law is a foster mom and when she gets the foster children she has the first option to adopt them. She has apotped 5 children and she didnt have to pay for the court process or anything. She lives In NYC. My husband and I live in Upstate Ny. So my first question is would is be the same process as her or would it be a different process and would we have to get a lawyer and all of that. Which is fine. Second question, how long does the process of adopting take? Third, what do they look for in familes? We both have good careers, our own house, fincianlly stable etc. We dont care about race or anything. Were even open to adopting a child with special needs.Thanks for the help =]

Answer 1

I speak as someone who has been doing foster care for quite some time, in a different state, and is in the process of adopting his current foster son.

Here, they want the adoptive family to demonstrate financial stability (not wealth, but simply that they are financially capable of meeting the child's needs post-adoption). They offer some things to help ease certain financial issues that might scare off prospective adoptive parents. The state provides an adoption subsidy; the rate depends upon the child's behavioral history (in my state; I'm not sure what NY does); medical and dental care are covered by the state until 18, and in some cases, a little beyond that, as well as any mental health needs; although one can choose to provide one's own coverage for all that if one wishes, but unless you are rich I might recommend you let the state cover those things. If the child will require certain services like skilled respite care, they can also help defray that as well. They will waive fees normally charged for adoption.

The state here absolutely LOVES it if you will adopt a child with special needs, and will pay a higher subsidy rate for it. They will want to be sure you are emotionally capable of doing it; I speak from experience that special needs children can be wonderful, but sometimes present issues that... well, pose a challenge, and you will need to be able to handle it; trust me, be honest with yourself, for your sake and the child's, as to what you can deal with. Special needs can vary, and you will need to learn what you can about how to work with a particular special need. If there was physical or sexual abuse involved in the child's past, you may need to earn the child's trust, and it may take some time, and you will need to be prepared to deal with some problems, not the least of them being how you feel when the child finally opens up and starts telling you what happened in the past. If there's some kind of autistic spectrum issue, you will need to learn how to work with that and there are numerous books available on Amazon, and hopefully training available in your state; there are also some children whose needs are more of a medical nature. Reactive attachment problems will require specialized assistance. This is not a comprehensive list, and, not to scare you away, but if you choose special needs please be sure you're up to it.

They will look at your motivation to adopt; criminal history (if there is one); and will ask you a gazillion questions of varying intrusiveness about you and your life (the infamous home study). This can take some time. You may also be required to take trainings. A person with the state agency that handles foster care in NY will probably be glad to tell you what you need to do in that regard. I don't know how much it varies from my state. How long the process takes? It depends... I've been finding my case to be proceeding maddeningly slowly, but I'm aware of others that take some months (relatively quick) from placement in the foster home to a finalized adoption. There may also be issues of making a good match; you simply will tend to work better with some children than with others, and a child that does well with me may not do as well with someone else.

Answer 2

I really don't know the answer to your question other than to say that regulations are set by state so it should be the same also God bless you for being willing to take in any child that is such a rare find these days

Answer 3

wow you guys are really young(good to see that) stay married.

,my mother adpoted my lil brother and we love him so much, we had him since he was 22 days old. you have to go throught the same process like every body else dear.and you don't have to have a outstanding career. you just have to have the means of supprting and taking career a child, you have to have and income (public asstience) anything. as long as you guys can take care of this person. it may takes 6 weeks or lest, you might have to take classes, because of the whole child abuse situation. they look for kind hearted, nice ppl, to care 4 a child. you are doing a great deed. they going to ask you a lot of question, not only about yourself but your fam, and your husband. you have to go through, a lot. good success. i hope you get a lil baby. :) *sigh* lol :) awwwwwwww so cute!you might have to take classes to. finger prints, criminal background also.

Answer 4

First, I want to say to you that you and your husband would be WONDERFUL parents.  You want to adopt for the right reasons.....to be a Mom and Dad, not to track down the "perfect" trophy baby!    I hope you are blessed with a wonderful child very soon!

Second, your process would be just the same as your mother-in-laws.  She can probably put you in touch with all the right people to get everything started.   It should not take long....there are many children in foster care who need parents, and a child would very likely be placed with you in a short period of time, once you're approved.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 5

The process is the same.  You go through classes and home visits, finger print checks and criminal background checks and fill out paperwork and prove stability.  You can choose either foster, foster-to-adopt or adopt.  I choose foster-to-adopt because that way if you have the child in your home and they come up for adoption you get to have the first chance you are right about that and you already have the paperwork in and approved for adoption.  You can adopt up to how many ever they approve in regards to living space really.  No it doesn't cost you anything, they just want loving homes for these kids so everything is handled through your county agency.  I wish you lots of good luck, there needs to be more adoptive familes because there are way to many kids needing a good home.