Questions regarding custody and child support.?

Question

My husband has had 90% custody of his two boys who are now 9 and 6 for the past 6 years almost. The mother never bothered showing up at the custody hearing. She said she couldn't get a ride but she lived 12 blocks from the courthouse and is perfectly capable of walking or riding the bus which would of been door to door service for her. In the past two years he took the mother for child support. She is suppose to pay $226.00 total for both children. She was in jail from Feb - May 2008 for non payment of support. She is currently $4000 behind in support. Part of her release agreement she has to make 12 consecutive monthly payments of $276. She had not made one payment. So there was a bench warrant issued for her arrest. Since the warrant was issued my husband stopped letting her see the kids because if they come and pick her up he does not want his children to see that. We recently got papers in the mail from her lawyer, she is taking us back to court for more custody. Can she do that and get more custody? Even though she is not paying her support. She lives with her parents because she refuses to work, the kids even sleep on the floor when they are with her. At least with us they have their own bedroom with their own beds. When they first broke up my husband was paying her over $400 a month in child support and spousal support and he never missed a payment not even by a penny. Can she do what she is doing and get away with it? And if so why? How can they let this happen to this wonderful little boys? Any advice helps. Thank you all.

Answer 1

She can try to get custody but the chances of a court yanking two children out of a stable home and putting them on someone elses floor is unlikely.  She's probably just trying to get out of paying child support.  A custody battle is also long and drawn out, something she more than likely will not be able to afford or stand.  Fight her, you'll probably win.  

Answer 2

Sounds like your husband's "ex" is taking him back to court for a Modification of the Divorce Decree, as it relates to child custody.  Anyone can take anyone to court for ANYTHING.  Whether or not the judge allows the case to be heard depends on the merits of the case.  If she can show "grounds" for a hearing, i.e. an improvement in her current situation, the judge just may allow it.  

Your husband could file a Motion to Dismiss the case and show cause "why".  If he can show justifiable cause to "dismiss" it may not get "heard" at all.

Lastly. . .whether it is the "man" or "woman" who is ordered to pay child support. . .and DOESN'T. . .does NOT negate their ability to see their child as ordered by the court; in other words, two wrongs DON'T make a right.  Your husband can argue that she doesn't do what she's ordered. . .but he DOESN'T have a right to ignore the court's ruling as a result of her default!  This is a common erroneous belief by most divorced couples and it WILL get you into trouble!

Answer 3

I am in the same boat.  My ex first got custody, but within 3 months, I had them both back.  She is a habitual liar and drug user.  I paid Child support, and even had my income tax return taken and never returned where she filed for families first even though i had the kids.  They never charged her for fraud, and never returned the money they took (1800.00).  In our courts today, they hammer the fathers, but do next to nothing to the mothers.  Last time I was in court, the States lawyer even suggested to the judge that they needed to see why the father had custody in the first place. ( she never showed for any hearings). And suggested that single fathers where not the best solution for kids.  Just let the system do whatever, they will anyways, and be thankful that the kids are in a loving home and safe.  As they get older, they will see the "true" mom and form their own opinions. (my 10 year old will not even talk to his mom now)  Good luck.

Answer 4

Any parent who doesn't pay their support, still has the RIGHT to see their children.  Why make the children suffer even more?  Just because she doesn't have money or a job, doesn't mean she's still not a mother.  

I don't think your husband has the right to stop visits.

If he can, why not go to a second hand store and get a bunk bed set or something cheap they can sleep on when they visit their mom?  Maybe she owes back support, but doesn't this action, make dad look better in the kids eyes?  

Some parents make their payments, others don't or can't.  But it's no reason to punish the children. They have the right to bond with their other parent too.

Answer 5

I think you need a lawyer to help you guys out!  You can try this site i found called www.thelaw.com and see if you can find out any info to help you there.  I know in Colorado I was told tha its against the law to not let the kids go with the other parent even if they havent paid child support.  Sounds like shes an unfit mother.  If shes out of their lives for like 6 months I think you can get her for abandonment.

Answer 6

Take the kids from her! Get all previous records and have her sign parental rights over to you two! I hope everything works out!

Answer 7

The mother is wrong for not paying her child support.  BUT...your husband is wrong in not allowing her to see her children during her time.  I understand that he doesn't want his kids to witness their mother being taken into custody, but he didn't follow the court ordered or agreed custodial papers.  That's breaking the law.  He gave her ammo in the courts eyes.  Yes....any parent can ask for changes in the parental time that they have unless there is a time specified in the papers.  In most states...they want the children to have both parents in the child's life.  If they don't have a room....oh well.  BUT...if there is no food or power at the home your kids will be staying at...you might have a chance.  I know my friend knew her ex did drugs so she didn't want her kids to be exposed to him.  It was only hear say that he did drugs because he never had been arrested for it.  She found out that if he didn't have a licence or proper fitting car seats or proof of insurance he could not pick up the kids.  He got smart though and had his Grandfather ( a licensed and insured driver) drive him to pick up the kids.  Get legal advise.  Good luck to you!!!

Answer 8

Child Support payments and visitation (custody) times are NOT related.

So far as the court is concerned, BOTH the mother and the father have a RIGHT to see the children whenever possible, and teh court will usually make the decision to maximize visitation whenever possible.

And that decision is NOT based on who is or is not paying how much child support.  Visitation and child support are two separate issues.

So, unfortunately, your husband's ex DOES have the right to dowhat she is doing, just as your husband has the right to have her jailed for non-payment.

So far as sleeping arrangments go, if you husband has "90% custody", then visits with the mother are just "overnight jaunts", and it would ne no different than if they went on vacation to grandmas - and had to sleep on the floor.

I sympathize with you, having been through a similar situation, but the fact is that the courts WILL uphold her rights to see her children.

Your lawyer may be able to give you more specific advice, based on his knowledge of the case.

Answer 9

Unfortunately despite her not paying you cannot deny your children the right to see thier biological parent.

As far as the court will be concerned you are witholding the children from maintaining their relationship with her until the outstanding funds are paid.

Luckily this is the only thing that can be worked against you.  You have the more suitable housing, you have a history of being the primary caregivers, you can provide a stable and secure environment for the children to live in and although you might have done the wrong thing by denying contact you did it in consideration for the childrens interest. (not seeing their mother who they love being taken away by police twice in 12 months)

I would get yourself a lawyer who can legally document all of this for you in the correct terminology and offer up a solution to the problem, either supervised contact not overnight at a neutral location or that her parental rights are transferred to you and you don't need to worry about her any more.

It's sad but the law strives to allow children every opportunity to have a positive relationship with their biological parents until there is no ther choice but to step in and take the parental rights away.

It sucks and it's incredibly hard to watch but if you record everything that happens then one day it will all be worth it.  Just be thankful that you have 90% of the time with those kids to try and make them strong enough to cope with the bad rather than having only 10% of the time to make it better

Answer 10

My husband has gone through the same legal torment with his sons, your post could have been his post word for word.  It is the worst kind of torture to be fearful for your children's welfare.  Bad things do happen to good people and bad people have as many rights as good people.  Until bad people are punished and "loose their civil rights", these issues will continue to prevail good people.  

I wish I could offer you some hope for justice from the courts but while so many sharks are making big money from the slow process of the court system, there is profit from your misery.  Until the Supreme Court limits the cost, duration of litigation in domestic court and the legal documents are unappealable, there is no relief from the exposure of threat of our children's welfare and entitlements to their child support.

I do believe in justice for all, but once found guilty of wrongful behavior the punishment must include "loss of civil rights".  Our soldiers lose civil rights while serving our country, they are subject to military laws. I have a hard time understanding why civilian criminals have more rights than our soldiers.  Possibly our hard core criminals need to shipped to military status, school them as soldiers and subject them to military standards and law.  No doubt something needs to change.  Personally, I'd love to see my husband's X pay her dues to her children and send her to military school to help support her children, "perfect justice" with no civilian rights. Her parents can't enable her bad behavior and can only send her care packages.  

I realize that I haven't helped you at all by venting.  My only advise to you is to continue being a great step mother, wife and good human being.  The only thing you can control is your own loving home, your strength and faith that you make a difference in their world and mine. No one will ever change my mind that good gets good and bad gets bad, I will never surrender my values or my soul.  These blessings are what offer me peace of mind.  Do the best you can sweetheart one day at a time, make your loving home your priority and this balance makes most issues less intense.

Good Luck To You

Answer 11

She could do it if she wants too.  But then you can also bring up the fact that she can afford a lawyer but not her child support.  Oh and you don't have to follow the "court order" just like she is not.  She would just have to continualy take you to court for it.  While the child support issue  can be resolved by her going to jail over and over.  Which is really kind of stupid.  I have not met one person that has motivated.  And they can 't pay while they are in can they!

Answer 12

she has the right to take the father back into court, but that doesn't mean she will recieve anything that she wants..based on factual documentations of the case by both parties..the father having all us documentations in order should have a good solid case against her

Answer 13

You need to be talking to your own lawyer or some other kind of counselor.

If you can't afford legal assistance, try contacting your local Legal Aid Society.

That is the only way to get the correct answers to your questions.

Good luck!

Al Letcher for President 2008

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/onemillion...