Quick question about weddings...?

Question

My friend is getting married next october. She has told me that she picked me as the matron of honor and I was super excited and ready to help. I've been getting in touch with DJ's, florists, and scheduling meetings with different locations to hold her wedding. Things have been going great, then all of a sudden this week she's been changing everything. I know that it's common to change your mind a lot so I let it go and just went with the new ideas she had.

Then all of a sudden she sends me a new and revised list of the bridal party that has not only me as the matron of honor BUT she has one of her friends from high school as the maid of honor. What the h**l? She hasn't talked about this girl in like a year and all of a sudden she popped up out of no where. I have a feeling that I'm still going to be doing all of the "maid of honor" stuff and this other chick will just sit back and watch it all happen like she always has done.

My main question about this whole thing is that can you have both a matron of honor AND a maid of honor???

Answer 1

Yes you can, the matron of honor is a married woman and the maid of honor should be single.

Answer 2

i thought they were the same thing?

Answer 3

Yes she can have both...  There is no set rule for who you can and can't have in your bridal party....  she could have all maid/matrons of honor if she wants.

Answer 4

Please, I have 2 sisters.  When one was getting married, she told me she was not going to have a matron of honor, because it was unfair to the single sister.  I was the married sister.  I am still mad at her, because even now I don't get treated like an adult.  And the other single sister is still unmarried.  I was & still am the only sister who has children, too, who are almost grown.  I know how that snubbery feels!  If she wants a maid of honor, too, give the bride a list of responsibilities you are giving up for her to give to the other girl.  Fair is fair!

Answer 5

2+

Answer 6

Yes you can.

Sounds like you are a bit upset.  Instead of asking us you need to talk to the bride.  

Besides you are doing too much as it is.. You are not the Wedding Planner.

You are the Matron of Honor... Your job is the Bridal shower...

Life is tooooo short to be upset over these things.  Get over it and communicate your feelings in a nice way.  Take your big girl pill and communicate.  

Answer 7

She can do whatever she wants, it's her wedding.  I've been to weddings that had 2 maids of honor or 2 matrons of honor even.  My sister had 2 best men.  Just let her do what she wants it's her day.  And she can do whatever she wants.

Answer 8

Yes you can have both. I'm actually getting married next October (2009) and I have a Matron of Honor AND a Maid of Honor. The Matron is supposed to be there helping w/ the weddings tasks if there is no Maid but since there are two then both are supposed to pick up tasks. You should discuss your feelings w/ your friend. Let her know how it's affecting you. I'm sure she'll understand.

Answer 9

Are you helping her because you care abut her as a friend and want to be there for her, or are you helping her just for the reward of getting to be matron of honor on that day?  If it's the first, it shouldn't matter who else is going to be maid of honor on that day.  You should feel free to speak up and ask if her other friend is willing to help out if you feel you are doing too much, but it is selfish of you to get upset just because the other friend is also going to be the maid of honor.

Answer 10

Yes, she can have both a matron of honor and a maid of honor - or 2 maids of honor, or whatever combo that the bride may want.  

Once again, it is her day and picking the wedding party is pretty stressful.  Next Oct. is pretty far off so she was most likely thinking no big deal in changing the wedding party.  

Although the situation may not be ideal in your eyes, you are just going to have to accept it and going to have to make the best of it.  Keep up with the planning, if you want - although really it isn't necessary to do all that as the MOH.  Just do it if you love it, want to do it and the bride wants you to be that involved.  

Answer 11

Yes you can.  I have two sisters one is married the other isn't.  When I got married in April I had both a Matron of Honor and a Maid of Honor so that both of my sisters could be honored that way, and I didn't have to choose between them.  It's also her wedding, so she can do whatever she wants, change things as it goes along, and you should just smile and say ok and help her out.  Whether or not this other girl helps out at all, your friend will know she picked the right Matron of Honor when she has you stepping upto the plate. Stop complaining and just be happy for your friend, it's not your day, it's hers.

Answer 12

Yes, she can have a maid and a matron. It's obviously her decision since it's her wedding.

If you're afraid of doing the majority of the work, then delegate or ask the bride to. Maybe the bride can .

Something else to think of, is is possible she put the other MOH in place because you're doing too much for the wedding and making too many decisions.  

Answer 13

sure you can have both, one's married and one's single.  it's not your job to plan the wedding though, you know that right?  you plan the bachelorette and shower, get her a few nice gifts, attend the rehearsal dinner, buy the dress and uncomfortable shoes, let the bride do whatever she wants to your hair, and then you're out.  leave the rest to her, since she's paying for flowers, DJ, etc.  

Answer 14

yes you can have both..  but the whole point of being the maid or matron of honor isnt sharing the duties if she is your friend you are doing it to help her and because you care about her.. dont worry about the other girl.. worry about you and about helping your friend make her day special

Answer 15

Yes, it is appropriate to have both a Maid and Matron of Honor. The Maid of Honor is a single female; while the Matron of Honor is a married female. Typically, they equally assist the bride in preparing for her wedding. Speaking for both a professional (I am an event planner) and personal (I had both at my wedding) position, these positions of honor can be very important to a bride.

At this point, you indicate that your friend has changed her mind about everything that you two have been working on. Yes, that can be expected because there are several factors that she is dealing with. However, there is only one way to determine what she is expecting from you at this point, ask her.

Answer 16

Well for one...as a soon to be bride myself, things are very wishy washy at this point.  Esp. with this much time to plan.  I think that she needs to figure things out before saying and sending things out to people so feelings aren't hurt.  I understand where you are coming from.  Why, if she hasn't talked to this certain other "maid of honor" why would she include her.  Tho it is her wedding, not yours, you have a right to be upset.  Just remember you are also the Matron of honor, you need to support and be there for the bride. That is your main duty.  Tho w/ two of you, things are going to get tense and stuffy.  Just remember, do what the bride wants.  It will all be over with very quickly.  (my little sister just got married last weekend..can't believe all the planning is over already -- so ENJOY it while you can)  

Answer 17

You can have whatever you want at your wedding.  This is her wedding and she have a right to have whatever she wants.  You just need to continue doing what you were doing.  If you feel like you are in need of someone else to do some work, talk to the bride and ask her to distribute duties and resposibilities.  I am have both a maid and matron of honor in my ceremony.  I divided the duties and everyone is happy.  Now they have 4 years to prepare.

Answer 18

Technically, she can have all the maids and matrons of honor that she wants. There's no "bridal party rules."

If you ask me though, it's kind of stupid. :)

The traditional "point" of a maid/matron of honor is to serve as the witness on the marriage license.

My best advice to you would be: Be gracious and supportive of your friend. You'll come off looking like an angel, and you'll feel good about yourself. Good luck!

Answer 19

She can have whatever she wants in her wedding!! she can have one of everything on the list or she can have 5, and yes if she wants a maid of honor and a matron of honor she can!

You can not be mad at her this is HER wedding not yours, you have to remember that, you have to let you do things where she will be happy.

Also why are you doing all the calling for the DJ's and making the appts. and everything, thats really not your job. you are suppose to help out when needed, but the major planning and decision making is suppose to be done by the bride and groom themselves! If you pick everything and do everything for them then how do you know this is exactly what they want.

Just remember this is there wedding and what THEY want is what they should get.

Answer 20

Unfortunately she is the bride and she can do what ever she wants, so go along for the ride or jump off now.

Answer 21

its her wedding so unfortunately she can have two if she wants I am i have a Matron of honor (my sister which is married) and a Maid of honor (my best friend which is single.)

Answer 22

The only difference between a Maid of Honor and a Matron of Honor is that a Matron of Honor has already been married.  There SHOULD only be one "..of Honor" in a Wedding Party, but she's the Bride and can essentially do whatever she wants.  There are no rules when it comes to Weddings, only Etiquette, which some people choose to ignore.  The best you can do is talk to her about it and ask what the situation is.  Worst she can do is bump you from the Wedding Party completely (also a no-no from an etiquette standpoint, but again.. no rules).

Answer 23

I don't why not it is to the bride if she is a true she will go along with it JAMES WHEELER

Answer 24

I have never heard of it...but then wedding rules change all the time.  I guess since it is her wedding she can do anything she wants and there are no rules.  I admit she is paying for everything HOWEVER  I think the bride is rude in not telling you and talking things over with you...not for your approval...but out of respect and HONESTY.........because she cared enough to ask you to take on the responsibility and have you do a lot of the work already.

Feeling resentful isn't going to be good. If this is going to be a problem with you and you have resentments then you need to talk to the bride and tell her you can't afford this right now and back out.  If you resent everything ...then you won't have fun and it wont' be a good day for her either and any bride and groom that puts thousands of dollars into their wedding should have the best of those they ask to help so their day can be perfect.

So it is up to you to decide to forgive her... maybe you should talk it over with her and ask her what duties you have and what duties she has so you aren't stepping on each other toes.  That will let her  know that you aren't doing everything and you expect her to have this other one do things too.   IF she says she expects you to do it all...then you have to decide if you want to do that and share the title.

To me...being a matron of honor and maid of honor is the highest compliment you can give a friend or member of a family.  It says you are the best person I want standing there beside me and I can trust you and depend on you to have my back.  I know things will run smoothly because you are beside me.  

Do you want to be that friend?  Personally I would...because that is me.  I know my friend would know what I did and what I didn't do and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.  I do it out of love and friendship.  I give from my heart.   I am never disappointed either because it is what I WANTED TO DO...not because I expect something back.

I am not perfect...I would initially be stunned and ask what the heck...but then ask my friend what am I supposed to do and what is she doing so we aren't butting heads and making her wedding a nightmare.  Things have to be organized and you don't want to do something twice and miss something all together.

If she says you decide....then you are head honcho....and you delegate the chores and make sure they are done.  don't assume they will be...it is your job then to make sure they are done.  If she says you are to do this and the other to do that..then you don't worry about what she is supposed to do...and what you are supposed to do.  The bride has decided and it won't be on your head.

TALK TO HER and find out....!  Just don't challange her choice and decisions...it is her day...and if you can't take that then step down and enjoy the wedding as a friend.

Answer 25

honey, it's her wedding. she can do whatever the h**l she wants, really. it's her day, just roll with it. so what if she hasn't talked to this chick in like a year. she'll probably remeber what a flake she is soon enough and then you'll be sent a new list with one less person. no worries.

good luck!