READ IT and give your opinions?

Question

Asleep

I lie in my bed

And my pillow is close

To the thoughts in my head

While my arms are at rest

And I'm breathing at ease

And my hair is a mess

But I don't care at all

'Cause I'm deep in my sleep.

And as I lie still

All the world moves along.

There's a man at a hill

And a bird with a song.

While a runner warms up

And a mother lets go

And a foreign man sings

Songs that I'll never know.

As you read from this book

And a billion hearts beat,

I could not care at all

'Cause I'm deep in my sleep.

Answer 1

Many of your poems have surprise endings that seem to come out of nowhere. That's what I was hoping for in this one. Maybe that's why I was disappointed. You've written a poem that is perfect in its mechanics, but the whole is less than the sum of its parts.

Answer 2

i love it. the ending is great, how it basically states that the whole poem was something you didnt care about, cuz its not even real. great concept! definitely keep writing poetry. it will take you places!

please read my poem?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 3

I love it. Bloody brilliant! So evocative and the imagery? Wow! Wonderful work...thank you for sharing!

Answer 4

it's dull and vague

Answer 5

I like your poem...... but then again.... is the same as ....

(does a falling  tree make a sound if nobodys there to hear it)

How would you know ? " Cause your deep in your sleep"  .

however , i enjoyed the way you worded you poem. get it published!

Answer 6

I don't like it and the message seens pointless, I do like the 1st paragraph except fro "and my hair is a mess" because it does not fit the overall mood of the poem.