REASK: Is this too much for a wedding??

Question

I'm asking this again because I don't think I got my point across before.Thanks to people on YA! I've definitely made changes to my wedding plans, but I still want more feedback.

My hometown is 3 hours away from where I live, and my BF (of 7.5 years, who I own a house with) has family in the area we live in. My family only consists of my grandparents and my mom but they have a lot of close friends in my hometown. My BF's family is on the smaller side, but his parent's have a ton of close friends (we're talking 150-200 people).

Our idea for our wedding:

1. Instead of a rehearsal and grooms dinner we have the ceremony and a nice dinner (at a restaurant) with 50 or less close friends and family.

2. Next day we have a really informal picnic/barbeque at his mom's house (her idea). I'm thinking of something just like we did for his dad's 60th Bday.

3. A week or so later we have a small event at my family's.

Answer 1

I think you are making a mistake.  You get ONE wedding.  Don't you want it to be the perfect day?  Don't you want to experience the things that you see in all the movies...just once?

I have been married to my wife for 5 years now and I still look back and think about our wedding night as being the most fun, crazy, unbelievable night of my life.

I think you should go for a real wedding.  Besides, we only had 280 people show up and we still took home $18,000 in cash and checks it paid for almost 3/4 of the whole wedding costs!

You will regret it if you don't have a real wedding, trust me.

Answer 2

Have one wedding. One reception. Its tacky to expect and to have  more then that.

People will travel.If not s***w em. You dont need to invite every single person they are friends with. Its your wedding.

Keep it simple or your going to go crazy! Dana is right too.

No offence but you sould like your a braty little kid who will do anything to get thier own way. No wonder he hasn't propsed. You'll prolly b**** about the ring.

Answer 3

I think the smaller gatherings instead of a huge reception sounds nice. But later on down the road, are you going to be regret not having the traditional reception after your wedding?

Answer 4

I think it's a great idea. Remember, this is your wedding, do what makes you happy! Don't let people guilt you into doing the whole traditional huge reception thing if that is not what you want.

Answer 5

You choose ... it's your wedding, not anyone else's. Whatever you feel works - go for it.

There are some things I wish I'd done differently with my wedding, but I don't regret not having to start my married life $36,000 in debt because of something that is only ONE day ...

Answer 6

I'll RE-ANSWER since you want to RE ASK: IT IS TOO MUCH!

Even if you are specifying "no gifts", it is too much.  Too much to do for yourself and your groom, too much to ask of your wedding party and families to participate in.

Choose 1 of the following and go with it:

1 - Big wedding or 2 - Small wedding

IF you are concerned that people won't drive 3 hours to attend your wedding then do 1 of two things:

1 - set the wedding midway between the two locations so the drive is 1.5hrs on both sets of family and friends or

2 - realize these people don't really care about you if they can't drive a few hours to your wedding (what is a tank of gas, maybe $50?  its not like they have to shell out hundreds for airfare or anything!)

You can re-ask this again and again to try to get the answer you want to hear, but as you can see, even if its not about the money or gifts, this is not a popular idea.

Answer 7

I may be wrong, but it seems like you are saying his family wan'ts THEIR close friends their.  It is your (and your BF) wedding, so you should have the people that you both want there the most.  You of course invite who you want, but I feel it should just be the people closest to you and your BF... family, friends you have separately and friends you have made together, something like that... you don't want to spend money to host a party for a bunch of people you don't know and probably wouldn't see ever again more than likely.

Answer 8

I think that sounds great, that way everyone is included and everyone will be able to attend at least one of the gatherings.

Answer 9

Sounds like a nice way to celebrate with family and friends.  Do you expect your entire wedding party to attend all 3 events, could be a burden to them if they have children or jobs requiring to work weekends.  

Will family or friends be offended not being invited to one or

another of your celebrations.  The cost of all the celebrations could end up more costly than you realize.  I would consider the logistics or coordinating all the events with time and money involved and make the decision from there.  Have you considered an outdoor "picnic" style reception at a state park or some other venue.  Have it catered and invite everyone.  Good time to introduce all the families and friends.  Then you and your groom sneak off for your special time.  When your pictures and videos of the wedding are ready, invite those special people to your home for a night of fun and memories.

Congrats.

Answer 10

I think it seems like the perfect solution if thats what you want to do.  You get to spend time with each group and celebrate in your own way!

Answer 11

I think it's too much.  It's your wedding, so you can do as you wish, but as someone planning a wedding right now, I just want our wedding over.....  The whole thing is just way too much hassle and too much work.  It will be lovely, but I'm really happy that it will be over in a couple of months, so I can get back to a normal life!

My family is like yours and we have a bunch of good friends, so we're just having one big bash for everyone.  If they can make it, that's great, but if not, then that's fine too.  Our current guest list is around 400, but I don't expect all of those people to show.

If it were me, we would just have a small wedding with an intimate reception dinner and then do one picnic bash at one home.  Don't drag it out any further than needed.  After all the planning, you'll really want this whole thing over!  I only wanted a small wedding, but that concept didn't work for the rest of the family.

Also, three hours is not that great of a distance to travel.  We have people traveling 15 hours to attend our wedding and I've done the same for them.  If people really want to attend, they will drive a few hours.

Best wishes!!!!!!!!

Answer 12

I would say that you should just go for the small wedding with the 50 people that you really care about.  Yes, your parents will want their friends there, but really, its your celebration.  

I had to talk with my parents and ask for them to only invite a handful of their friends that I had a personal relationship with.  I didn't want to be shaking hands with people at my wedding and have to ask, "what's your name again?"

If both sets of parents want to have parties with their friends, I'd say to put the whole burden on them to plan it and to ask for it to be a month or so later.  Trust me, even with a smaller wedding, you're going to be exhausted after your wedding.  You're not going to have to want to keep organizing and showing up at events the next day or the next week.

I hope that helps.  One of the biggest struggles of planning a wedding is wanting to please everyone, but I think its fine to put your foot down and explain to your parents you really just want a small, family affair.  They'll be disappointed but they should understand and love you enough to let you have your wedding, your way.

Answer 13

What you have outlined here makes more sense.....

just keep all of it simple.....the bridal dinner just immediate family & friends.....the backyard Bar-B-Q at your mothers simple & casual.....but why a second event a week after at your family's again? Won't your Mom's back-yard get together handle it or do you have the need to tie up two weekends on one wedding ceremony.....having a similar event the following weekend for your fiance's family would make a lot more sense and keep the numbers down as far as each get-together is concerned....why is your family getting the wedding ceremony, the bar-b-q the next day, and another gathering the weekend after, and your fiance's family is what???????

Since it all seems to be centered around your family and not his I'd say you're dragging out the wedding as much as you can.....one wedding, dear, one day unless circumstances dictate differently......good luck.

Answer 14

Answered before - still too much. Scale back to one day, one reception. Period.

And you are NOT YET ENGAGED! Take care of that detail first - then start planning.

Dear one, I'm sure you are a sweet, nice girl - who only wants to share your happiness with as many friends and relatives as possible. HOWEVER -

You're starting to look like an attention hog and present grabber.

You're also starting to behave like a spoiled Bridezilla just because you didn't like the answers you received before.

And think about this - after 7 1/2 years together - it's entirely possible that Prince Charming doesn't want to get married...

Answer 15

i can see your reasoning but i would suggest you have your wedding and your small reception with close friends and family and then suggest if either family would like to hold a functionAT A LATER DATE to celebrate your union its down to them to do it

you have your close friends with you on YOUR day the people you share your life with and mean the most to you both

it sounds like you dont want to upset either of your parents friends but that is not your problem

maybe as a bonding exersize you could suggest both sets of parents get together to organise the later event for the wider circle somewhere midway between the 3 hour journey

your wedding day will be exhausting enough as it is without the stress of another do the next day and although you already live together it would be nice to spend some time alone with your new hubby rather than keeping the inlaws happy

best wishes

Answer 16

Thats sound allot better from your last question, but again  he needs to ask you first

Answer 17

I think it's genius! No one has to go more than once and it is convenient for all!

Answer 18

I think this a considerate and thoughtful plan. I hope you have a great time at all three!

Answer 19

Sometimes I wonder if a wedding is actually for the bride and groom or if its for the parents to show off to their friends. I think you need to plan for a beautiful event that you and your boyfriend will enjoy and look back at for the rest of your lives. You need to please yourself, not the friends of your parents. Have a nice wedding and a one nice reception. Invite away, but if they are not willing to make the drive, then that is not your problem.

You need to set some guidelines as to how many people you will invite and let the parents know. Let them decide about who the 25 or so people they would like invited and provide you with that list.

You may want to make arrangements with a local hotel for discounted rates for those guests who may want to stay the night.

I don't think you should trivialize your marriage by having 4th-of-July-style picnics. There is plenty of time in the future to attend those. Have something unique and lovely that you and your guests will remember for the rest of your lives.

Answer 20

I think that sounds like a really fun idea! You don't have to have a huge reception. You're giving both sides of the family a change to celebrate whether they want to go to all 3 events or just one. There are no rules, you can do things in whatever order you want!



2 years ago I was at a wedding in Santa Barbara, CA and they had the rehearsal/groom's dinner Friday night, a big beach bbq Saturday (which was fun since both sides of the family got to meet in a more relaxed setting) and then had the wedding and reception on Sunday. It worked out really nicely!

Answer 21

It's called a wedding DAY, not wedding Month.  Get over yourself!

Answer 22

Yes, it's too much. It will drive you crazy to plan all of that.

You don't to have a reception for everyone that you know. One marriage, one reception. You can do a home-coming party or a house-warming party, but 3 receptions is ridicoulous.

You say that you don't want gifts, however, people will bring them anyway. People will see this as "gift'grabiesh' even if you do not intend to because , otherwise, there is no need or logical reason to have 3 receptions for Pete's sake.

Good luck

PS/ Dana, you cracked me up LOL!

Answer 23

Sounds really nice but also a wee bit complicated at the same time :/

I think you know exactly what you want and nothing really can be "too much" when it comes to a wedding,  its the most important day of your life.

the only thing I could suggest is that I think it would work out really nice if you had the two small family events before the wedding day

other than that It seems like your families are happy with this plan so that's a definite positive

Answer 24

So the first one is the wedding and the other two are just parties that have nothing to do with your wedding or you.  That's fine.  But if you make the second two ADDITIONAL receptions or parties for your wedding then it is overkill.

The parents' friends do not need to be invited to your wedding or anything that has to do with your wedding unless they are ALSO your friends.

Keep the second two parties just regular old summer get togethers then it's fine.  Dragging out your wedding over three separate weekends is too much.

I have never heard of a groom's dinner.... unless that is an alternate to a batchlor party.  That is not relevant to the other two AFTER parties.  

The rehearsal dinner is your chance to feed and thank your bridal party before or after the actual rehearsal and is also not relevant to the AFTER parties.

The parties before the wedding have a specific purpose... whether or not you have them.  You can't just skip them and then throw parties after the wedding and say it's instead of a batchlor party or bridal shower or rehearsal dinner.  It's just not.

So again, choose the type of wedding you want and invite the people you want to share it with.

If your inlaws want to throw a picnic at their house with their friends that is NOT yet another *groan* reception, so be it.  As long as it's NOT about you yet again.  Same thing with the party at your parents.

My hubby's family decided to have a family reunion the day after our wedding.  It wasn't about  us.  It wasn't our event.  But it did include relatives that we did not invite to the wedding simply because they were distant relatives that we did not really know.

Keep the three events separate.

Otherwise yes it is WAY Too much and looks like you are just dragging out the spotlight regardless of whether gifts are involved.

Answer 25

It seems like you really want a small wedding. You are the bride and you should have exactly what you want. I think your plan sounds fine if that is the type of thing you want.

congratulations!