Raising a child, food isnt the problem, grandparents are...?

Question

I am currently pregnant with me and my fiances first child. I am a lacto-ovo vegetarian and my fiance is jewish, and only eats kosher. I dont eat meat at all, and my fiance will eat chicken if its at his parents house or out at dinner. We've already discussed how we'll feed our child and have decided mostly vegetarian. Meaning, we dont buy meat to cook, but its okay to eat meat (if its kosher), if out to eat or at a family members house.

Its not so much a problem as a nuisance. My parents keep telling me that she is going to be so messed up when it comes to food, and that theyre going to give her unkosher things to eat when she comes over. I just dont know what to say to them, I mean obviously I will stand my ground, but Im just no sure what sort of things I should say to get my point across without being rude.

I feel like I'll have to watch every bite my daughter puts in her mouth just to make sure they wont sneak her things out of spite.

Answer 1

Explain that is they expect to spend alone time with their grandchild they will simply have to respect your wishes as your sure THEIR parents and in-laws respected theirs ;)

Tell them otherwise you'll always have to be present.

While I'm not a veggie or anything I think it is important to respect the way someone choose to eat or for that matter live.  But remember when your child grows to adult hood if they decide to eat meat or non-kosher you'll want to give them the same respect you are hoping from your parent.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

Your parents don't want their grandchild to be malnourished. Remember that an adequate diet for adults is not an adequate diet for children, who need more protein and higher-quality protein (among other things.)

With your double restriction to vegetarian and kosher food, you are really putting limits on your child's nutritional health. Why not relax and let him/her grow up on a broad, healthy diet. When s/he is 18 or so, it is time enough to decide to be kosher, a vegetarian, or both.

Answer 3

"and that theyre going to give her unkosher things to eat when she comes over"

Well, when people insist on trying to give my children I do not want them to eat (and they know this) [such as candy, junk food, non-vegan food, etc.] I just do not take the children to see them anymore.  No, it doesn't bother me that they might be grandparents, or relatives, or good friends.  It's either them or my children, and I choose my children.  Simple, and good-bye forever.  Plenty of other people in the world who will respect my children and my own choices as to how I want to raise them etc.

Answer 4

I suspect that you'll end up compromising your plan as time goes by.  Kids can be incredibly picky eaters.  Sometimes it is difficult to get them to eat anything of nutritional value at all.  Applying a rigid vegetarian/ kosher diet on you child is going to make it even more of a challenge.  

I suspect your parents just have a better idea of how big of a pain in the *** kids can be when it comes to food, not that they want to undermine your parental authority.

Ultimately you are going to have to decide how badly you want to stick to this plan.  It won't matter for a couple of years.  But when id does matter you'll have as much a challenge from your kids as your parents.

Answer 5

So not only are they disrespecting your personal choices of vegetarianism, but also your fiance's religious choice! I am astonished! Most people are more willing to work with religion than personal, but your parents don't care either way!

Basically, though harsh, it does come down to you being the parent not them and if they step over both yours and your fiance's wishes they are not welcomed around your child. Even with you being there, they might still sneak stuff, say it's kosher when it's not, swear there isn't chicken broth when there is, etc. As for your child being messed up, why would she? Because she has to watch out for foods, because she has to be conscious of which part of the body the meat comes from, all of which has been taught for thousands of years and not a new concept specifically for your daughter? Maybe that should be brought up as well!  From personal experience, my in laws were always awesome about what to feed my children, but to make their lives easier, when prepared, I made most of the meals, and and left directions for the easier ones. This could be something you can talk to your parents about arranging so they don't freak out or whatever they think will happen. Otherwise, if you have to be harsh, that's life, they need to remember you are now the parent and you will do things your way and if they can't do it your way for single visits and respect your wishes, then they can't be around your daughter and future children without utter supervision.

Oh and for the record, while my kids are picky eaters (as a PP complained about)and only eat certain items regularly, their version of picky is still varied and healthy at: broccoli, salads only made with Romain Lettuce, sweet potatoes/ sweet potato fries, whole wheat couscous, peas, corn, sometimes quinoa, veggie pizzas (with onions and sometimes vegan), tofu, veggie pot pie (vegan), hemp seed milk, cauliflower, potatoes served in various ways, vegan cornbread, whole wheat pancakes without syrup, my son's fav of mac and cheese, and all fruits galore. While this doesn't look picky, just know I can't introduce new foods, they won't eat PB&J sandwiches, soups, zuchinni, basically anything easy for me or new things I would love to try! But they aren't stuck just eating chicken nuggets, french fries, and milk either! I not only contribute this to how I ate while they were in the womb, at the breast and how I eat, but also the fact that vegetarianism is primarily vegetables and grains so what else would they eat. They can only be picky in this field which allows for a lot more healthy items!

Answer 6

Your parents are ridiculous. Speak to them and tell them that unless they respect your lifestyle, they won't see their granddaughter. Harsh, but important to do if your passionate about it. WHen they agree, watch them for a while. If they mess up, (and you actually care) get upset. Show them your serious.