Random Wedding Question???

Question

OK, so my husband and I just got married in June. We had an beautiful ceremony and great wedding reception. But since the wedding was a destination wedding and in Italy. A lot of his family choose not to come. ( I am Italian, and my entire side of the family is over there). His family wants us to do a ceremony here for his side of the family, and the few friends that didn't come. Which we don"t have a problem with. But his parents want us to pay for it. Neither of us know what to do. We don't want to p**s them off, but we don't want to pay for a second wedding either. We also don't live in the same state his parents. They live in California, and we live in Maine. So we dont know what to tell them?

Answer 1

If you cant afford it then don't do it, why not suggest that in 10 years you will renew your vows & will hold it in California, this way his family get to come & yours if they choose to fly over.

I think that's only fair, weddings cost so much that if you cant afford it don't do it.

So many people wanting me & my partner to have an engagement party but we decided not to because of the cost. Some of the family was disappointed but too bad, its our wedding we do what we want not them.

Good Luck telling them & don't worry too much about his family not liking you your married into the family now!

Answer 2

Just get pregnant and they will move onto something else, forgetting all about this irritation.

You could always tell them when you have their first grand baby you can have it in California ~ that evens things out

Answer 3

They are not worried about p**ssing you off, why are you worried about them?   Have your husband tell them they chose not to attend the wedding you both planned.  If they want something else, they should plan and pay for it.

Answer 4

I would respectfully tell them that you have already had a wedding.  If they would like to have a family party in CA, then that just isn't going to happen until we can take time from our jobs.  

I see no problem with you paying for a family get-together in the back yard where you can display photos of your wedding and celebrate your marriage with his family. No different than fronting the cost for Thanksgiving (usually $200-300 for me).  But another ceremony is frankly silly and a reception may not fit into your budget.  What I don't understand is why they think you should pay for the reception that they want? Makes no sense to me and tells me that there are other issues here.

Answer 5

I would say wait til your one year and have a renewal or commitment ceremony. Nothing too fancy or quite as fancy as our actual wedding. Payment issues: I would say that if they wanted you to have it then they should at least help with the cost. They are the ones that want it. They can't be totally selfish, cause after all you have what you've always wanted. Your husband.

Answer 6

Send them a DVD and set a date to come out to their home - maybe a holiday like Christmas just to visit them. You don't have to do a "re-do" of the wedding or reception at all. Sorry they couldn't afford to come to Italy, but you can't afford another wedding or reception. Maybe they just felt left out?

The best compromise might be to pay for your plane tickets to see them in California, and that's it. I'm sure even that will be a stretch for your budget at this point. My husband says he probably wouldn't even go to see them - they could come see you if they wanted (in Maine).

My husband says, "Too bad for them. It's not about them - it's about you and your husband and your dream day." He also said, "If I wanted to have my wedding underwater and in scuba gear, I'm sure not everyone could make it. It's not about them." He's funny.

Answer 7

How about being as honest with them as you were in your question? You're all adults, after all...

Out of curiosity, was their request for a ceremony on this side of the Atlantic known to you before you went to Italy, or has it come up since the wedding there? Maybe they felt left out.

Answer 8

It was their choice not to go to Italy.  If they want a ceremony for here in California for them, they should have to pay for it.  It's only fair.  I think they should only host a reception for their side of the family, a second wedding ceremony isn't necessary.  Especially since you are not residents of California.  

They should have also brought this up before your wedding.   They knew the wedding was to be in Italy, so why didn't they say that at least they will host a reception in California then?  That is what they need to do, host a reception, and yes, pay for your air fair.  It was their choice not to go to Italy, so don't feel bad about it.  

Answer 9

I agree.  If his parents want you to do that, then they should pay for it.  As I assume all his family as invited to the wedding.  Your English is better then most.

Answer 10

Honesty is really the only way to go here.  As you two are starting out your lives out together, it would be incredibly unwise to start off by accumulating unnecessary debt and having a second wedding definitely fits into that category.

What about having a second ceremony then serving cake and punch afterwards?  The reception is really the most expensive part of the wedding.  See if you can find a friend to officiate the ceremony, purchase a sheet cake (or bake it yourself) and purchase flowers from Costco/Sam's Club for your bouquet.  You don't even need have tables or centerpieces set up.  

If your in-laws really insist on having a second ceremony but they don't want to contribute financially then they have to understand that the second ceremony will have to fit your budget.  If they want something more extravagant then they need to offer money for it.

Answer 11

Tell them you can't afford a second wedding.

Answer 12

That's a hard one. Sounds like my situation. My family lives in Mexico. My husband and I got married here. My family was very happy for me, but they couldn't make it. They didn't say anything about having a wedding over there, because they understand how the situation works. And they wouldn't ask me to have a wedding over there. That's because they love us and care for us. What's the use of having a second wedding with his family? I understand they wanna be part of it and what not but they really shoulndt ask you guys for that!

Answer 13

Why Not Wait A Few Years For When You Have The Money To Do So.

Just Tell Them Your Wedding Has Set You Back A Bit & Maybe You Should Wait A While Until You Can Afford It.

I'm Sure They'd Understand.

Answer 14

Hi! Maybe you could offer to have a small, backyard BBQ reception or informal house-party in California for his side.  That way you can celebrate with them, and meet any relatives you may not have met yet.  If they insist on anything more formal than that, tell them that they will have to pay for it, but you are more than glad to show up!

Dealing with your in-laws is all about making yourself seem so reasonable that they can't argue with you...just a tip. :-)

Good luck!