Rant - teenagers with self pity complex?

Question

My 3 teens feel sorry for themselves all the time, I mean, all the time. One of my girls just came to me and was whining because she can not hang out with a friend today. We have family plans that somehow she did not hear about. She had her entire day planned (which included me taking her shopping - something she did not tell me). So, poor her does not feel ready for school, she never knows what is going on because no one ever tells her. HELLO! How about asking me if there is anything planned?

Now she's whining about how no one thinks she is as good as her older brother ("he's in band and everyone thinks that is great") . Well, she went to band camp and dropped out, but somehow, poor her, no one thinks she is great.

I gave it to her. I told her that no one was going to praise her for doing nothing and if she wanted to know what was planned, she should take it on herself to ask. I told her to stop feeling sorry for herself and making excuses.

Any advice?

Answer 1

yeah shes normal.

we all think our life sucks.

but your being a real ***** just to let yah know.

if you were my mom id be pissed at you.

first off all, its not her problem if you plan stuff. you should be the one to tell her about plans YOU made.

aaand, shes obviously feeling inferior to her brother cause everyone gives him attention about band. uhm maybe she didnt like band? she probably doesnt even know what shes good at yet, so theres nothing she feels she can try out for or do.

you probably just made her feel like a million times worse. im guessing she was telling you this to get a BIT of sympathy. cause yeah, maybe she was feeling sorry for herself but everyone does every now and then. sometimes its nice to just hear "oh im sorry, that does really suck"

like god. my parents never just let me talk about whats bothering me, like i try to tell them and then they just yell at me about something. and its goddamn annoying.

anyway, whatever i know your not gonna listen to me.

cause im only 14 so i obviously have no idea what im talking about.. *eyeroll*

Answer 2

ahhhh. the joys of teenage life.

sounds familiar.

good luck♥

Answer 3

you should of told her about the plans you made ahead of time that way she didn't go and make plans and wouldn't be as upset. i would be upset if i made plans and was told the day of my plans that they couldn't happen because of my moms plans that im just now finding out about. her making plans to have you take her shopping without telling or asking you wasn't right either.  

Answer 4

Teenagers do that all the time. It's just how we feel special when we don't have outside tokens and a 4.0 GPA, and AP Scholar awards. It's a way for someone to feel that they are being paid attention to.

Keep it real with them. Don't needlessly coddle them or feel the need to give into their whines and whimpers. Remind them from time to time of how stupid and foolish they are, and how ashamed you are that their IQ does not break double digits. Even if the kid isn't that stupid, it's still a way to keep them grounded. 'My mom would just yell at me in Spanish and tell me how stupid I am and how I am going to be a failure and won't go anywhere in life. Which of course was juxtaposed by my older brother and his genius.' (see that's teenage self-pity). It's a "oh poor me" tactic to get people to act a certain way. And it's a brilliant tactic. It works so well, and it's so effective! Especially if you use it on adults who really don't know your family situation! It's like mind control. But it looses effectiveness afterawhile. That's why it's best to act rather than complain and manipulate.  

Tell them to grow up.

Answer 5

She's a typical self-absorbed teen. Give her a challenge to accomplish so that she can feel a sense of accomplishment and pride.  Some ideas for her challenge:  to take a harder class, try out for a team, organize a fund raiser for a great cause, train for a marathon, or learn a new talent such as singing or dancing.