Rate and Critque my poem please....Sons and Suns

Question

You have these coastline eyes, which tells no lies,

And I have these lungs that are filled with searching eyes.

I smoke my last cigarette as I cough up the sun

That has caused me to not sing so well.

SO the beach you say forgives you, for what you've done,

But you see the kid standing there, he is your son.

You don't want anything to do with him or me,

Well that is quite plain to see.

You said you'll have an abortion, to let this go,

Well there is something I think you should know.

Just because the oceans made of water,

Doesn't mean you can drink it.

Abandonment is something, that a heart should never feel,

But I guess when you do, you relies your real

And do you look into your babies eyes,

And do you see your own ******** lies.

I tried to drink the poison, with one great swallow,

I was hoping if I did, then you would follow.

But the setting keeps my eyes awake,

So I have no time to pass away.

And I'll drive so far away now so you never see my eyes,

Casue I am the one, who can't deal with your lies.

So do you remember when you had your son...

Was it to hard to be a mother.

Answer 1

It is a beautiful sadly woven strain of love and its separation. In the human level one always feels one is betrayed by one's love, that one has been misled, that too many lies have been told, etc..

The poet feels sad and asks, 'How could you leave, are you not the mother who reared your son ?'

' All problems of existence are essentially the problems of harmony.' I believe no good may come out of this blaming one another. It is the adult way of discussing in calmness each other's problems frankly that there is a chance of making up one's broken marriage. Normally poor women are at the receiving end, so just don't blame them. See , observe carefully , and then like amatured person behave and act. Very fact that you are smoking a cigarette shows you are under tension.

However , the poem is very good and there are sons and suns ! I wish at least for the sake of you son, the quicker the problem is resolved , quicker he will get back his mother.

With good will, sympathy and peace .

'

Answer 2

It is beautifull...simply amazing.

Read mine.

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