Rate my new verse from 1-10?

Question

It's only the first verse to a whole rap that i wrote. It' s a bit introductory, I want good critisicm to help me improve this verse. I don;t want haters telling me S**t.

Thanx in advance:

Driver please bring the R8 around

Wanna roll through the streets and see the haters frown

Gotta mark my territory in this biz

Gotta do it again and again to show who it is

It's the L2B steppin' on the scene, I am mean

But for some reason I like to keep it clean

And not obscene, you know what I mean?

Just make a great big scene and leave in between

What goes up must come down

That goes for your fame too, Oh down frown

You tried your best, now who’s next

It’s me in a vest

Coming like a bullet, hit your chest

Stole your press too

I hit the club scene right

Did it with all might, now I’m tight

As the only Gangsta teen seeking perfection

In this Rap game. I'll only live twice

Entrepreneur by day and rapper by night

That's how I live my one heck of a life

Don’t tick me off when I’m runnin the show

Cause when I’m feelin real Gangsta, my emotions flow

Rate it 1-10

Answer 1

0

Answer 2

6

ur flow has improved alot

but the content is still a bit weak

keep it up tho, ur doin well

Answer 3

i'll give 6

Answer 4

3-4/ 10

nothing i havnt heard before,

my favorite rap involves life storys(sky is the limit-big) or even concept(rewind - nas)  

Answer 5

7

Answer 6

Looks like a collection of everyday south London sentences used by youngsters trying to sound big just before they pull the knives out.

2/10

Answer 7

2

someone before me was right- it's nothing i haven't heard before. there's nothing compelling about it. also, it's too choppy in parts. some words need to be omitted and lines rewritten to maintain a good flow.

example: Instead of "coming like a bullet, hit your chest" try "comin like a bullet straight for ya chest." It gives it a bit of a punch and smooths out the rhythm.

Don't use the same words too often either. Putting "mean" that close together just sounds funny.

Also, it's not a good idea to model your own lyrics after someone else's beat.

Keep trying, you'll get there.

Answer 8

I'll give it a 5.  It may be better when its heard instead of read but as for what i think u need to do is search for deeper more creative lyrics.  U had some good ideas but it was very predictable.  Add some crazy clever lines that kinda make ppl think and grab their attention, even if it is just a shallow line try to mix it up and be unexpected.