Rate my novel!!not yet finish!!!good or bad!!!?

Question

Three schools of witchcraft and wizardry build by darius kaiser and the most famous is the darkville castle,he started spreading the dangerous kind of magic called black magic.In this case many tragedy happened.Many people got ill,became crazy and died because the darkvillians (the students study at darkville) use hexes and jinx.They belive that when they use black magic and turture the people they will become more powerful and claim eternal life.

saturday night Darius announce at the stadium of the darkville,

"students of the darkville!!I congratulates you because of your ability in using black magic!Keep up the good work and all of you will gain the most powerful magic and everlasting life."

the students clapped thier hands,after that Darius ordered his servant to gave him a sword.

"i will call the names of the best students!!!Oscar Rasmus, Natalia Marmaduke, Leonard Jethro and Rex Nigel.Please come in front"

the four students smiled when they heard thier names called, they come in front immediately and they kneel at the front of Darius,Darius SLICE the head of four students and the blood spill at his black robe,

"wahhh........"students shouted because of shockness.they saw dariuc eyes showing red and its flaming of being angry.

"all of them are good,good against my law therefore when i know that anyone use other kind of magic except black magic more than there i will do Not only the head also the whole body and make it into pieces."

Darius said angrily at the students.His servant gave him a calming potion and he drink it.

all students petrified,thier eye and thier ears seems to big because of what they heard and seen.

"students!go now to your respective rooms.alwin augustus said.he is one of the school prefect of the castle.

Hezekiah Demetrius one of the student scared because he also using other magic but he make it secret,he decided to escape in his school.he put his all things in his bag and he goes out but he seen by a school prefect,the school prefect hurry after him to look the gate,"totalis invisibilus"Hezekiah cast an invisibility spell so he can drag the school prefect away from the gate(without seing).he kick,punch and smash the school prefect and run away.

Hezekiah run and run and run until he reach the villace called hortesia,(one of the darkvillians attacked).He knock one of the houses,"lady!can i sleep in your house in this night?"The lady trembled when she saw the clothes of hezekiah and she suddenly shout and ask help in her neigbhor,

"help me!The darkvillians attacking again!!"the people in the village run were the shout came from,they have knives in thier hands.

"go away devil dont disturb us!We are suffering lots of illness because of you!Because all of you are devils!"one of the villager said.Hezekiah dont know what to do."ahh...I escaped from darkville because i knew that all the village suffered death so i told my self to help all of you!I need your help."

"what kind of help."the lady said

"my intention here is to build a castle so people can study magic and fight against darkville."

people agree in his plan.They started working from the first shout of roster,they finished the wall easily in the help of hezekiah's magic,small piece of time they destine in thier rest to finish the castle as soon as possible.

"im sure we will wait for 2 years until

it finish but if people had a magic like yours maybe five months we will wait."tom winston said at hezekiah,"tell the villagers that we will have a meeting tonight.I will teach them how to use magic."

the night comes,the people wait for hezekiah,after a while hezekiah arrive,"good night to all of you before we start wear this dragon talisman to help you to show your own power!(actually this is a novel not yet finish tell me what to change!)

Answer 1

fail.

Answer 2

Two words: capital letters.

Another word: spelling.

One last word: punctuation.

Huh, look at all the words I know.

Answer 3

Bad. Really, really bad.

Before you show anyone your writing, you need to make it as good as you possibly can. Unless you have teachers who insist upon seeing rough drafts, nobody wants to read sloppy work riddled with mistakes. Don't waste your readers' time asking their opinions on junk.

Fix the spelling. Fix the punctuation. Capitalize the words that need it. Use proper formatting (including correct spacing between sentences and paragraphs).

Also, you keep switching from present to past tense at random. Fix that.

If you don't know how to do these things, you will have to learn how. If you want to write, you have no excuses not to.

Even fixing the basic problems isn't enough; the writing itself is terrible. The dialogue all sounds the same. You keep throwing names at us, and I guess these are your characters, but who can tell them apart? They all sound the same. They aren't characters; they're cardboard cut-outs. Why should we care about any of them?

The way it's written is rushed and jumbled together, as if you're trying to tell the story as fast as you can. The first paragraph is beyond awful. Trying to read any of this is like trying to listen to someone who is talking too fast, and worse, they aren't talking very clearly. They might be a crazy person, or a drunk--in which case, their rambling probably isn't worth listening to.  

Answer 4

Are you serious?

Is it meant to be a parody?

Because if not, I have to agree with the first poster.

Fail.

There's so much wrong with it I don't know where to start. Seriously, it's really bad. So bad it would take me a million years to point out the problems.

Answer 5

Edit it and do not make anyone read it before you take the care to fix it up!

Answer 6

email me and I will try and do some editing work for you

Answer 7

Jeramel, he is from nuthor country, see.  Is maybe Russia, or the uh, Ukraine.  Who is knowing these days, right?  He is not for to speaking the English well.  And these people here, they are uh, how do you say, they are for to making him angry because they are pointing out his unEnglish skills.   This is rude.  They are very, very rude.  Jeramel, he is for to trying.  But uh, he is no doing very good right now.  They should for try speaking Russian. See how easy it is.  Er uh, I mean deeficult.