Rate my other poem.. (about my boyfriend <3)

Question

now on the other one i posted, someone told me that my poem was good if i was 12. well i am not 12 i am 18! lol.. so maybe this one is better?

once upon a time they were so in love

and they lived happily ever after

hold her tenderly

eat away at her pain

pain of uneasiness and dispair

he is so true to her.

oh love, stay for ever

for ever is never ending.

kiss her gently

the way you used to, darling.

touched in places that she never knew

he is everything.

everything he is.

the sky is infinite and so is their love.

big as the navy sky and forever just as high.

Answer 1

ummm is this about your boyfriend or how your boyfriend loves you or is supposed to love you?

Theres no meaning and why did it change from they to her and then back to they...

its like once upon a time there was a couple,love her nicely,he is great,their love is great.

Where is it leading to?

Answer 2

better than the last one but again it is plain and needs more soul to speak to me.. It is fine, but not grand. Keep working with word exploration and feel for the subject.

Answer 3

No. No No No No. You have not connected with any emotions at all, it feels boring and is full of cliché&#039;s. It has no constant rythm or tempo, no ryhmes, nothing. I&#039;m sorry, but it&#039;s a bad poem. Sorry :D

Please take care to read mine :D

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 4

Psixlovesxyoux,

That is L-O-V-E if&#039;n I ain&#039;t read it before! When the writer emits such great prose for his or her love, I can excuse any form or structure because it is pure thought that paints a story and emotion! Wow. If a woman would&#039;ve ever expressed themselves to me it such a manner, I would cling to every word as if they would be the last ones I would hear... I am so envious that I am not your love interest...

Grade AAAA+

LOVE (THE VERB)

I&#039;ve had my once upon a times

And happily ever afters,

Joy and sadness have both made me cry

We should all have tears and laughter

He held her tender in his arms

The day I let you go is never,

As a little girl my father held me

I thought it would be forever...

CHORUS

Love

It works out all the frustrations,

Replaced by warm sensations

Love

Love

Navy blues skies and gentle raindrops

You&#039;re spinning on the Earth&#039;s top of the world

Love.

I&#039;ve had my hold you closely&#039;s

As much as I&#039;ve had those gentle kisses,

The first time our hands were together

It was love who was the witness

She was everything I dreamed

And he was all she&#039;s feeling,

A strong foundation has fours walls

With a roof, a floor and ceiling...

CHORUS

Love

It only works when you say I love you

Kiss me and hold me the way you used to

Love

Love

Touched me in places I never knew existed

Don&#039;t blink your eyes or you will miss it

Love.

CHORUS

Love

It works out all the frustrations,

Replaced by warm sensations

Love

Love

Navy blues skies and gentle raindrops

You&#039;re spinning on the Earth&#039;s top of the world.

Love.

Thank you for sharing. It was a great start to my day!!