Rate my poem please?

Question

Its not that great yet there is still some things that I would like to fix but ya anyway I am an amature and I am 16 so don't be too mean K thnx! ;)

Time is something that we all long for

something that people take for grantite

it is something that people wish they could buy

Some people often try to stall it

And some try to rush ahead

It is impossible to know the future

and what is meant to be

A young man once wished he could go back and fix his mistakes

To take back everything that he ever said

he wanted to tell her he loved her

but she left too soon

there were so many things that he wanted to do with her

So many thing that he wanted to share with her

His life was founded on her existence

and now she was gone

what was he to live for

Time took her

some say that time is money

in reality the best things in life cannot be bought or sold

Answer 1

pretty good! i like the idea behind it. its a good start. just try to make it flow more and you'll be fine. i'm sure you can do it...and keep writing

Answer 2

thats really good!

i love the idea behind it

8/10

Answer 3

The second line in the first stanza.. It'd be:

Something that people take for GRANTED.

=)

Just trying to help.

Answer 4

wow. 9.98 out of 10

Answer 5

Nice! Keep writing, and keep it up!

(yes, it's 'granted', not "grantite")

Answer 6

I honestly Love it (:

keep it up .. you could be famous :D

lol. x

Answer 7

Your poem is very nicely written, but your theme isn't clear.  You're obviously talking about time, and how it usually does not work in our favor, but if you were to ask someone what the general theme(s) is/are, they would probably be a little confused.  Many poems are vague, but the way this one is written is as if the meaning is meant to be understood right away.  With that said, just arrange the poem's thoughts in a more flowing and understandable order.  Other than that, I very much enjoyed reading it:)

Answer 8

I like the idea of it but you need to make it ryme, and try to keep some of the verses a little shorter, or split one long wers into two. like maybe instead of,

"A young man once wished he could go back and fix his mistakes

To take back everything that he ever said,

he wanted to tell her he loved her,

but she left to soon,

there were so many things that he wanted to do with her

So many thing that he wanted to share with her

His life was founded on her existence

and now she was gone

what was he to live for"

Maybe something more like..

"A young man once wished he could go back,

and fix the mistakes of his past,

To take back all he wished he had never said,

And tell her he loved her instead,

but she left before he had a chance to say,

that he despratly needed her to stay,

there so much he wanted to do with her,

so much that that he wanted to share,

she was his life,

through joy and through strife,

and then she was gone,

forevermore,

what did he have left to live for?"

I like editing things, hope you didnt mind :)

Answer 9

I think you did good. Your poem had a lot of meaning.

G