Rate my poem?

Question

No, there'll be no dance,

I'm still disgusted with the brevity of our romance.

Its horrible in the mirror I still find a frown,

The remnants of our last talk at China town.

And is it true what the man said to you,

really?: "You d**e; no loan!"

perhaps I feel some sympathy,

That's probably why I'm here screaming into the microphone.

Answer 1

Your stresses are confusing with particular lines. And you need punctuation to induce caesuras in places.

I feel that your rhyming becomes more a process of, "What word rhymes with that....?" rather than a "spontaneous overflow of powerful emotions" as Wordsworth put it. That's a common trap I think a lot of people fall into.

The poem becomes really erratic and humourous with phrases like the last line, and China town and the d**e part, whether this was intentional or not, I can't tell!

But I'm no poetic expert, that's just my opinion.

Answer 2

lol its funny, the china town bit sounds weird.

i can tell that u couldnt really think of any words and just blurted in a word that sounds weird with the poem.

um i dont really get where u are in this poem cuz 1st in infront the mirror then china town then infront the microphone.

im sorry but i think u have to think about this poem its a bit all over the place. soz about that. i know im tight. lol

=rating=: */5