Rate my quick poem 1-10!?

Question

Cancer.

You taint me unconscious,

alone on this plain,

then do with my body,

through darkness and pain,

for i will not struggle,

and i will not cry,

i will battle on,

and make sure you shy.

Oh, parasitic creature of land,

killer of man,

leave our sanctuary,

leave us be,

for we cannot accept you,

it is we who whither before your wrath,

but our mutinous souls will never, ever surrender.

Answer 1

8.9

Answer 2

..01. Let's be serious, it leaves a lot to be desired.Probably all of us think, at one time or another, that we possess the greatness of a Thoreau or Shakespeare or whomever. Unfortunately we don't. Because it's cancer of which you write, and of which I am in remission,doesn't mean your intentions, whether feeling for someone else or yourself, are transposed into worthy poetry. "for I will not struggle and I will not cry,I will battle on, and make sure you shy", "but our mutinous souls will never, ever surrender." I understand your thought, which is commendable, however your presentation is lacking.

Bugsy,

   Please email me so I can email you back. If you want excellence it means hard work and mentoring and straight talk.

Answer 3

The question should be, do you like it?

Poems are not written for the populous, they are written to explain how we feel inside, unless they are commercial in nature.

I would say if you like it, then it's a great poem.. if it was commercial.. I wouldn't be keen.

But if you wrote it, I can certainly see how you are feeling, just how you emphasis words at the end of each line... unconscious, body, pain, struggle, cry, shy in the 1st verse.. al negative words.. but then on the second verse you mention sanctuary, acceptance but surrender?

Perhaps this is subconscious coming out in how you feel your life is at the moment and how you want sanctuary and acceptance, you mention Cancer, this to me looks like someone you know is going through or has and you feel unsafe or unsettled.

Either way, as I said, if you like it, it's a great poem my friend.

Good luck.

Answer 4

It's not bad at all (but I don't rate poetry on a mathematical scale -I just don't think that would be right).

Answer 5

That's a really nice meaningful poem... I love it!

Answer 6

it is pretty good! except in the first part, change the last line to "die" instead of "shy"

greatt!! 9

Answer 7

This is fantastic! You have a rare talent. Oh my, this is just so evocative!

8/10

Answer 8

8.6 Not Bad.

Answer 9

10 outa 10

Answer 10

10. That totally describes what cancer is. I can feel the anger and determination to beat it in those words

Answer 11

9.1

:)

Answer 12

9

and I think that this line: i will battle on,

and make sure you shy.

could be better if you changed "shy" to die.

Answer 13

9.5 thats really good!!!