Rate my short story?

Question

Carol's story

Carol left the window open, enjoying the occasional breath of fresh air that would come along stroking her b*****s. Her room faced the ocean line, and the sea breeze would playfully dance in her chest, rejuvenating her mind. She sat under her lamp’s light that shined on the pages of her favourite book. As she held the next page in between her thumb and forefinger, she flicked it to the left so that another page emerged, rather unexcitedly. It revealed a start to a new chapter of Limelight, a story about a girl vampire and a high school boy who had fallen madly in love with the vampire. Carol had never read before and so far the book was like amazing. She saw so many words that were totally new. The most fascinating aspect of it was the beautiful filler, describing many of super exciting activities like eating, cleaning the house, getting picked up to go the school, ordering from the canteen, small talk with other characters, shimmering in the sun, and all the other cool stuff the main character went through.

Carol sighed, loudly. Her mouth opened and unexpectedly she let out a loud, sudden… Burp! She placed her palms against her face. “Oh no, what have I done”. Suddenly, as if under a divine intervention there was a rush of air and she felt a godly presence emerge behind the yellow drapes. “Oh my god what is that, oh my god!”. But the light kept growing. “Oh my god what is that, oh my god!, oh my god!”. But the light still grew, become more lightier, more holier. “Totally like, this is like so weird!”. The light stopped for a moment. “Do not anger me Carol!”, it proclaimed. It was not an angry proclaim. It just proclaimed. Anger would come later. “Oh my god, you like totally know my name. That is AMAZING…” Carol jumped into the air playfully, her golden hair dancing around her b*****s and she clapped her fingers, hugging the pink bunny tightly “Shut up *****!”, the voice proclaimed now angrily. It was not angry before but now it was very angry.

Carol sank back into the chair. “You forgot about the forbidden curse Carol”, the angry voice said. Carol exclaimed excitedly, “Oh my god you know my name”, she had some short term memory problems. The holy light bashed its head against the wall. “You have to die now Carol. It is time”. Carol became concerned. She muttered, “But will Carol become a vampire and then like forever stay 18 for 100 years and eternatilly”, she wondered about that last. She thought to check the book on that. “I’m talking about you, idiot”, the holy light became enraged. Carol realised now was not the time to check, “Oh my god really”, Carol shouted.

“Goodbye Carol”, holy light roared like a lion that had been fed only liquid foods, sending a thousand rays of light down into her bedroom. The Limelight pages burned, and with them Carol caught on fire. Then silence came and there was nothing. Holy light was happy, as he crossed her off the list.

Answer 1

Ha ha ha!! I hate Twilight!

EDIT: Oh, 10/10, by the way.

Answer 2

That was hillarious. I would give it a 10/11 as on the face of a clock

Answer 3

11/10 leaful

Answer 4

The subject manner is interesting and you are very funny but I think you need to work on style and make it flow better. Also, a burp? I'm guessing this isn't meant to be taken seriously but it really doesn't seem to fit in with the story.