Rate my story theme from a 1 to 10 and tell me what's missing in it?

Question

I was soaring through the air without wings, my legs and arms flapping with abandon. Was I the first human being able to fly? All this seemed to be so surreal, but then I felt by body falling at 9.8m/s as gravity took over. My eyes were closed, as I saw that monster. His eyes were of a great red gleam, his overtoned muscles protruding out of the darkness, prominent jaw curved outward, glistening teeth glittering in the moonlight. Yet, I felt helplessly attracted to him. The more steps I took toward him, the harder it was to get out. Part of me wanted to lash out at him with anger, part of me wanted to flee and run away from this ugly creature… but mostly I wanted to kiss his full, perfect lips. Why was I like this when I knew how dangerous and powerful he was? When I knew of the evil he held and still wanted him to be mine?

Answer 1

5 -  romance

Answer 2

I don't know if I like the 9.8m/s but the rest of it... WOW!! You're an exceptional writer!

Answer 3

It has some promise. However a story should have an introduction, a middle where the problem is introduced leading to a struggle and the solutuion for the problem being discovered. The end should contain the solution and aftermath.

Now.. your story has a fantasy setting. I know you are able to fly. I do not know why. Then it degrades into some dreamlike scenery of some monster I do not know the origin of. Or how you know the monster. There needs to be some exposition on this.

The struggle, or thing you are trying to attain in the story is unclear. It seems to overcome the attraction of the monster???

I do not want to rate the theme. It seems unfinished. Use the unclear sections to your advantage and embellish on it. Once you know the goal of the character you can find out how the monster, the antagonist, is trying to prevent it. And how the struggle will come about. From an Aristotelian viewpoint the theme would be goal of the protagonist and how he/she will go about to achieve it.

Also... 9,8 m/s. I guess you are trying to implement some laws of physics (Newton) in your story, but for the sake of storytelling let us just say that he/she is falling fast and embellish more on the actual feelings of the person falling. Just seems to be a little too specific on the physics.

Answer 4

Sounds very interesting. Intriguing. I very much want to know what happens next. I give it, oh...8.5 out of 10. =D  

Answer 5

id give it a 9.

pretty intense !

Answer 6

it's awesome but I think that you need to add some body to it explain why you are feeling and explain where you are but i must say you gave great detail if you ever made this into a book i would love to read it you are so talented and so amazing. B.T.W ( that means by the way) I would know this because I go to a collage that is based on writing and fine arts so i give you coo dos on this it's amazing.

Answer 7

How can you be flying but take more steps towards him? Other than that, Its pretty darn good :]

Answer 8

I didn't see zero on the scale......

Answer 9

dang! thats rele good! but in a way it kinda reminds me of twilight... but its still good

Answer 10

I liked it. very descriptive. Describe the monster a bit more though

Answer 11

nice detailing... out of the box.. i give it a 6 or 7

Answer 12

8/10. I like the detail but I kinda had to read it a couple of times to understand how you got from the beginning to the ending. Maybe too much detail? I don't know.

Answer 13

My legs and arms flapped with abandon, as i sored through the air with out wings.  Gazing over the horizon time seemed to stand still

I felt my body falling at 9.8  with gravity as my co pilot

it all seemed so surreal         Am i the first human to take flight

is my destination my destiny or my fate

Even with my eyes shut tight   it was plain to see  his eyes were of a great red gleam    Like a gladiator his over toned muscles protruded out of the darkness  His prominent jaw curved outward  his teeth glistened as stars on a dark moon lite nite  

Yet i feel helplessly attracted to him  the more steps i took toward him

the harder ot was to turn away  Part of me wanted to lash out with anger  part of me to run away from this ugly creature  but mostly i wanted to kiss his full perfect lips

All the while knowing how dangerous and powerful he was

could not harness my emotions  my feelings

least i say  my heart

The beast before me and the evil he did harbor

Am i so gullible to even believe  that beneath the surface

love could be waiting to explode

Hey yours is much better   keep up the good work

and send me an email  when your in the book stores

ill be happy for autographed copy please

peace

Answer 14

love it 10

Answer 15

10 nothing

Answer 16

10/10. Nothing Was missing, and it was fantastic. Lots of detail was added too. :)

Answer 17

i dont understand some things, like flying and walking at the same time it seemed.

also i think you could take out the 9.8m/s in my opinion. idk, i just dont seem to like how it mentioned how fast you were falling. you could just say "but then i fely my body falling as gravity took over" instead and just leave the 9.8m/s out. then again, what do i know about writing stories? im not good at all. haha.

anyways, i would give it a 8 or 9. i thought you did a great job overall!