Rate my verse? 1-10 ?

Question

this is just the start to a new rap im writing

a famous rapper

call me the greatest man alive

achieved the dream

my hunger has been satisfied

and i aint been this happy since i last saw my dad alive

but his smiling face is what helps to go on livin my life and survive

with my gat packed

in my tigers hat

livin everyday like its my last

so i drive fast

and i get smashed

and nothin you can do or say

this is how i choose to be

if i was you and you were me by now your life wouldn't be

this is just my first verse is it good?

Answer 1

sorry man but that s***s weak talk about real life not what you hear from 50 cent cause by your heart in those lyrics it comes out as fake to me

Answer 2

um that is the first step in writing lyrics its liek school right now yur at the 3rd grade level but i seriously recommend reading the entire dictionary liek EMINEM did to improve vocabulary. you need to research many songs i mean great singles to get the flow and teh point your lines are too short and simple  

Answer 3

The rhyme scheme is too simple and it's just overall too mediocre.  Sounds more like a half concocted freestyle.  Keep working on improving though.  Just look at rappers who are considered real good and look at their lyrics.

Answer 4

you need to keep writing and improve. not saying to be a di** but i also rap and the more you write, the hotter you get. you gotta spice it up a lil mo. thro in sum punch lines

score-  2      for effort

Answer 5

What Mike S said.

Answer 6

not the best,

but i got the answer,

so dont test me,

a product of nature,

i just grab the pen and paper,

got ya where i want,

on the bottom,

im climbing to the top ,

stronger then steel,

ya bars are weaker,

made of poor grammar,

had to pull the hammer,

just shut your beek,

your superweak,

im superbad,

godbless your dad.

on a level of 1-10 id give you a 7 for effort.4 for creativity.theres no way your lyrics would flow on some beats. then again my lyrics prolly wouldnt flow either lol.keep trying its fun to write to let out tension in life.like some other people said read some influential rappers lyrics so you can better understand to write.i dont write so you guys can clown me.