Rate my wierd poem?

Question

honest answers only, don't care ifits mean just tell the truth.

its needs some fixing also, care to help if you want. thanks(:

encountered layen flesh before me,

behold me,

to face a sign of luck with my dispare.

happiness stolen from another,

all for I to keep within.

promised virus' inchanged for me in return, i shall perceive, said I.

second luck spoted, a tail struck south .

its surface rubed against my foudation,

a gift of change i knew was coming.

Answer 1

I think its quite gud, but it is pretty weird

Answer 2

The last stanza is good. The first one makes little sense, even when we know the context. Make it tighter, shorten the last line of the first stanza, make it clearer. Then you've got a good poem.

The title could/should provide some context.

Answer 3

if you hadn't explained it, i wouldn't have had any idea what you were talking about.

god bless

Answer 4

Yup - it's weird alright