Rate this free formed poem. (and no this Isn't a question)

Question

(one man shows another his latest poem) (the reader replies) Oh yes, you are very open minded, but might I say, I like the way, You seem to stay in the lines, Are you afraid someone might spot you, turning from the grain, so what somebody notices as you step out of the march, you might say your afraid, is that right. Well let me say, I've seen such things, and yes, those that did were actually quite bright, for they saw, and endless flaw, to something that seemed so right. you might say the villain is the weaker, but I only state, they just need a clean slate, because they are only the seeker. whats more questionable than staring at the sky, like staring at things you can't see, your eyes can only reach so high, but not becoming what your supposed to, might this be to evolve your mind, and how many times might you find, your wondering, have I found that I'm out of time. Words meant to say, and on paper they seem to stay, so think about this, now have a nice day. (he walks away)

Answer 1

niiice.  i kinda wish the ending was a bit stronger, the "now have a nice day" line seems like a filler to rhyme.

Answer 2

I like the concept and the frame.  I wish you'd have done your audience the favor of proofreading it a bit.  Looking past the typos though my major criticism would be that the second half of it seems to lose focus on the criticism.  "The villain is the weaker" and everything after - that's when it becomes crappy.  It's also a little too slavish to rhyme and meter to be convincingly free formed, and that it makes it slightly annoying to read, again, more so in the second half.

On a scale of 1 to 5, 5 being the best....  (ratings done by comparison to only the other poets posting on this site)

1.8