Re: these lines, can you write an amusing tale about vacationing with your friends,using as many as you can?

Question

They are to be included in the story, not the only lines.

This is all just in fun,meant to be an enjoyable way to let loose your creative side.

1. Let me get this straight! You wish I was more like ________ because HE'S so s**y?!!!!!!!

2. He said I analyze too much..... I analyzed what he said for the next two months.

3. Scruffy, cantankerous, functionally illiterate.

4. I'd forfeit an ovary if you would _________.

5. AFT! STERN! I haven't a CLUE what you're YELLING ABOUT!!!!

6. Thank GAWD you brought the Pepto.

7. Lord how I looooooove speedos!

8. There's no reason to become alarmed but we seem to have

lost _____.

9. Did you just hear that?! He said I was an omnivorous, domesticated, cloven hoof vertebrate !!!!

10. Dahhhhhhhhhhling......How about a little Asti Spumante,hmmmm?

11. Right arm has been severed above the elbow with massive tissue loss in the upper musculature... partially denuded bone remaining...

12. Let's you and I ditch these losers and __________.

Answer 1

The houseboat cruise down the Mississippi was well into the second day.   Brad was determined to teach me "the language of the seven seas" even if it killed me.  (or I killed him first)   In frustration, I fought back.  "AFT!  STERN!  I HAVEN'T A CLUE WHAT YOU'RE YELLING ABOUT," I stormed in self defense.   "Why can't we be more laid back and easy like John and Mary and enjoy this vacation."

"LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT!  YOU WISH I WAS MORE LIKE John BECAUSE HE'S SO s**y?!!!," he almost shouted back.

"I did not say that!," I raved in return.  "You're putting words in my mouth!!"

"You think I'm SCRUFFY, CANTANLEROUS, FUNCTIONALLY ILLITERATE and...........!"

I interupted his tirade with a rant of my own.  "I'D FOREIT AN OVARY IF YOU WOULD shut up!!"  I was almost in tears.  "I haven't felt quite right since that poor mangled frog from yesterday.  It's RIGHT ARM HAD BEEN SEVERED ABOVE THE ELBOW WITH MASSIVE TISSUE LOSS IN THE UPPER MASCULATURE...PARTIALLY DENUDED BONE REMAINING...."  Once more the memory of the pathetic gorey remains brought forth the expected reaction.  I spent five minutes leaning over the side.  When I straightened, he was hold out a familular pink bottle.  "THANK GAWD YOU BROUGHT THE PEPTO," I breathed reaching for it and taking a long swallow right from the bottle.

"I don't know why you get so upset over such little things," he replied shaking his head as turned to walk back inside mumbling to himself.

John soon joined me as I leaned on the side trying to calm my ruffled nerves by watching the scenery drift by.  "Did I hear right?" I asked him.  "DID YOU JUST HEAR THAT?!  HE SAID I WAS AN OMNIVOROUS, DOMESTICATED, CLOVEN HOOF VERTEBRATE!!!"

"I don't think that's what he said," John put in.  "Heck, I don't even think he even knows what that meands but DAHHHHHHHING.....HOW ABOUT A LITTLE ASTI SPUMANTE, HMMMMM?," he asked with a little lopsided grin as he held a bottle out to me.

" No thank you," I told him.  "My stomach is in no shape for alcohol."

He grinned at me slightly unsteady.  "LET'S YOU AND I DITCH THESE LOSERS AND go for a little skinny dipping?"

"I think you've had a little too much,"  I told him.  "You need to lay off the booze."

Mary joined us about that time and looked up at John as he swayed slightly.  "THERE'S NO REASON TO BECOME ALARMED BUT WE SEEM TO HAVE LOST the key to the booze cabinet," she grinned up at him.

John swayed off muttering to himself.  Mary leaned on the side next to me.  Neither of us spoke.  We started drifting by a swimming area.  We each watched as the houseboat slowly drifted on by.  Finally, Mary spoke up.  "LORD, HOW I LOVE SPEEDOS!"

Thus ends episode #2 of MY HOUSEBOAT VACATION

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 2

"Thank GAWD you brought the Pepto," said Maggie. "All this jostling and rocking is making me queasy and hurting my aim."

The rat emptied the bottle's contents into her whiskery mouth and resumed firing her pellet gun at passing windsurfers.

Scruffy, cantankerous, functionally illiterate, Maggie was everything Clyde had wanted in a soulmate.  He purred contentedly and sat back in his deck chair, as the ship continued to speed along the Columbia River gorge.

"Dahhhhhhhhhhling......," cooed Maggie, holding up the now-empty Pepto-Bismol bottle teasingly, "How about a little Asti Spumante, hmmmm?"

"Right on it, sweetiekins," said Clyde, rising to his feet.  The cat scampered up to the helm, where Alec the Dalek was navigating the craft through the whitecaps and rocks.

"AFT! STERN! I haven't a CLUE what you're YELLING ABOUT!!!!" yelled Alec into his cell phone.  The Dalek hurled the phone into the river, and resumed trying to steer.  He looked at Clyde.  "What?"

"Any more Spumante?"

"Just drank the last three bottles a minute ago.  Why do you think we're going so erratically?"  

A moment later, three windsurfers and a fisherman hit the cabin window, amidst the debris of their shattered crafts.

"How about some chablis, then?" asked Clyde, rifling through the Dalek's cooler.  He paused to look back at the deck, as Maggie used a long gaffing hook on passersby.

"Lord how I looooooove speedos!" chuckled the rat, observing several pairs on the end of the pole.  She seemed largely oblivious to the swimmer's curses....most of them.

"Did you just hear that?!" Maggie cried to Clyde. "He said I was an omnivorous, domesticated, cloven hoof vertebrate !!!!"

"Pay them no mind, cuddle-cakes," said Clyde, coming over with a few bottles of Aunt Tootsie's Vermont Cheddar Spring Water (TM). "Here, this is all that's left."

Maggie downed the contents and hurled her bottle at a manatee.  

"Heck, I'm not even supposed to be in this ecosystem," it chuckled, ducking back into the waters.

"Let's you and I ditch these losers and start a new life...over on that desert island over there," Maggie said, pointing.

Clyde looked and saw the island....getting nearer at probably 70 knots.  Alec the Dalek approached him and Maggie.

"There's no reason to become alarmed but we seem to have

lost our captain," said the Dalek.

"YOU'RE our captain!" screamed the rat and cat.

"Oh, yeah....!"

The next second the speeding boat disintegrated into thousands of splinters.

=========================

"Right arm has been severed above the elbow with massive tissue loss in the upper musculature... partially denuded bone remaining..."

"Oh just HUSH," chided Maggie, looking scornfully at the Dalek.  "This is a rotisserie chicken, not a CSI crime scene."

The survivors nibbled away at their lunch, patiently biding their time for rescuers.  The air was refreshing and light, even if the conversaton wasn't.

"Let me get this straight!" said Clyde, finishing the rest of his cantaloupe, "You wish I was more like Garfield because HE'S so s**y?!!!!!"

"I'm just saying, he's got that suave-factor," said Maggie.  "I'd forfeit an ovary if you would simply put on a few more pounds and launch your own syndicated cartoon strip.  We'd be rich!"

Clyde said nothing, his mind still reeling from their disaster and Maggie's innocuous remark.

"You two need counseling," offered Alec the Dalek, firing his laser cannon at approaching Coast Guard ships.  "I had one to help with my aggressive tendencies, and I've made dramatic improvement!"

"Pish-posh," said Maggie, reclining on Clyde's furry belly, "Shrinks only point out your faults.  I had one for a week. He said I analyze too much..... I analyzed what he said for the next two months."

"But then you met me," said Clyde, softly purring.

"Yes, yes...some good came out of that," conceded the fuzzy brown rat.  "We do have our moments, don't we, dear?"

The two reclined on the beach, watching the spectacular sunset and the fiery hulks of boats sinking gently into the river. As if on cue, a bottle of Asti Spumante washed up on shore.  The end to a perfect day.

END

.