Reaching breaking point.?

Question

My boyfriend recently died, and I've been trying to sort out his funeral, which is going from bad to worse. one of my flatmates, Alex, recently sent a load of texts from my boyfriend's phone ( I have no idea how he even got hold of it) and that pis**ed me off. I just checked my email, after going to get some food, and there was an email, from my boyfriend's email account.

there is only one person who I can think would have sent that email.

I can't do this any more. I'm trying so hard to be strong, so hard to do what's right, to try to get through without the boy I've loved for so long, that this is killing me. Sometimes I wonder if... if it were better if I just ended it myself, ended the pain and the sorrow and the sense of abandonment.

The one person I loved more than anything in this world is gone, and one of the few people I could once trust is hurting me in ways I don't think even he understands... I confronted him to see if it really was him and not some hacker that got into my boyfriend's email account and he admitted that he did - and treated it as one big joke.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I have a duty to see through this funeral, but after that I am tempted to just give up completely.

Answer 1

I know how hard it is to lose someone close, and i lost two of the people i loved most within a year. My situation wasn't the same as yours, and i think this friend of yours is being really inconsiderate doing that to you.

I used to cry myself to sleep every night because i felt so empty without those two people, but i pulled through, because i knew that it was meant to be, and nothing could change that.

Another thing which helped me was talking to them, even though they were gone, i felt as if they could still hear me. I sat by their graves for hours just saying what i wanted to say. And i felt a lot better.

No matter how long I live, they will never be replaced, but I'm so so so grateful to have had them in my life.

I'm so sorry to hear about your boyfriend, you must be going through so much pain right now, but just remember that he's watching over you, even though you can't see him.

Be strong, trust in your family because they will love you unconditionally, and this Alex person is really not worth your time because he is being extremely inconsiderate and obviously isn't thinking about how much pain he's putting you through.

Please don't give up, stay strong, and just remember that everything happens for a reason, even though you might not realise it.

Answer 2

Posting this over and over is pointless.

If it is as bad as you imply you need serious counselling.

Answer 3

Take a deep breath... then look up a good counselor.  It is very important for you to speak with someone.  Your bf's best friend is an a$$ bottom line!

But you need to take care of yourself emotionally... right away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

Why is all the responsibility to arrange the funeral falling on your shoulders?

I understand he was your boyfriend and the love of your life but surely he has family who can lend a helping hand?

You need to be strong, and you can be. Believe it or not this is nothing you can't handle and nothing you can't get through if you try and remain positive. At the end you will pride yourself on the fact that you didn't crumble and didn't give up. You met him, shared your love with him and "lost" him all for a purpose. I say "lost" because he is and will always be with you in the end. And that purpose was to make you  stronger than you were when you were with him, or stronger than you are now as an individual.

You also need to let your flat-mate know that what he is doing is not a joke, it's seriously affecting your health and well-being. And then after the funeral is sorted make moves to distance yourself from him because he means you no good!

Stay strong, you have it in you. Don't give up because there is a plan for your life, you've made it this far and you never know what tomorrow holds.

My parents and family abandoned me too when I told them about me - now me and my mum are like best friends!

You can e-mail me or msn me @ [e-mail] if you need to talk further okay.

Good Luck and God Bless, and remember, be POSITIVE!

Answer 5

Is this the first time you've had to organise a funeral for someone you love? it is a traumatic and overwhelming experience without the strange behaviour of your flatmate.

My only advice to you can be to try to deal with one thing at a time. Organise the best funeral you can for your boyfriend. Concentrate on giving him the sort of send off he'd have wanted. Do it with love.

As for the other thing, the content of your boyfriends phone and texts is private. This person sounds to be sad and twisted. No doubt you will find it impossible to ignore him completely, but for your own sake, you should not give him any importance in your life at this time.

Answer 6

I agree with proud walker's response. Take it one step at a time. Block your boyfriend's e-mail accounts and block his phone number and any other form of contact that can be tied to your boyfriend. That way no one can play these sick and twisted games with you. Put all your focus into finishing the funeral. You have a plan to move so make that your next step. You need to rebuild your life and unfortunately I believe with all the emotional stress in your life from the past couple weeks you need to see a counselor. Hopefully a professional can help you sort out all this and be more reliable for you than we can. I have worked in a psychiatric inpatient unit for five years and there are many people that come, who wouldn't have been as bad if they sought help at the beginning and with your recurring suicidal thoughts, I'm afraid that will happen to you.