Reacting to the word "r****d"?

Question

Okay how do i respond to this situation:

My cousin has cerbyal palsy and my friend always refers to him as "your retarded cousin". I have asked her to not call him that, but to refer to him by his name; she refused to do so and says i'm over sensitive and that it's not a offensive word.

How do i react to her ignorance? how do i make her see she's being rude and get her to stop this word from being used?

Answer 1

I'm sorry you are in this situation, yes people can be very insensitive.  Explain to her first of all that cerebral palsy is NOT retardation, and ask her if you can refer to her relative, say if they had cancer as her "cancerous cousin" or, in my case, my soapbox is "autistic child".  Autistic doesn't define who my grandson is, he is a child first, that happens to have autism, therefore I say my grandson with autism, not my autistic grandson.  Yes, for some it's hard to understand the "bigness" of it all until you are in that situation.  But it's hard to change the ignorant, but if we don't try one at a time, things will never change.  These disorders do not define who they are, they just happen to have it.  Bless you and your cousin!

Answer 2

i would just stab her.

Answer 3

your "friend" isn't acting very friendly.  time to look for a new one.

Answer 4

personally, although i am not a violent person, i would be tempted to punch her in the face for being so ignorant and rude, but you are a good person for trying to solve this the right way, so i will try to help you.

let me just say, though, that she is not much of a friend if she is calling your cousin that, especially after you talked to her about it.

maybe you could try to approach her again showing her some literature on the disease. have her go with you to volunteer with special education/handicapped children. really, if it continues i would ditch her. you don't need people like that in your life.

Answer 5

shes not a real friend, i personally would tell her to back the f*** off my cousin before i stabbed her eyes out with a spork! but thats just me :D i have a brother whos mentally disabled(noone knows what he has tho >.<) and everyone calls him retarded! and i HATE it...

so i know how you feel...just ignore it and leave her be, if she doesnt care about ur feelings, shes not a friend... good luck =/

and blessed be hun!

Answer 6

Not a good friend...why do you still hang out with her? The world that deal with children with disabilities finds it highly offensive, and she needs to know that (because I have gone off on parents who's children have used that word around my family)

I wouldn't ignore it, that tells her it is okay and you are condoning the use of that word. It'd be like saying ***...you know the word. It's not okay. I would tell her that this is her last warning and that you refuse to just deal with her poor attitude. Next time she uses it, you're leaving her, wherever she is and whatever ya'll are doing, and she can call when she's willing to leash her loose tongue.

Or you could be mean and introduce her as your 's!*t friend' next time ya'll are around some cute guys. That might teach her a valuable lesson about the pain of a label.

Answer 7

Wow i got mad just reading this! I wouldn't put up with that. If you still want her as a friend and don't want to start a big fight over it. i would just tell her nicely first  that you don't appreciate her calling him that . and if she still does after that i would tell her that it unacceptable and you can't hang out with her if she is going to be that rude!

If she is a real friend she would stop after the first time!

Good luck! and i really do hope she stops

Answer 8

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Wow, where to even start?

Ignorance is so hard to combat, but it's worth fighting the good fight over.  And your friend is most certainly being ignorant.  And I use that word in its purest form, meaning devoid of knowledge.  She not only doesn't recognize the inherent offensiveness of the word as she uses it, but she doesn't even recognize that even if we accepted the word, it doesn't apply to your cousin because cerebral palsy and mental retardation are two distinct things.

My advice is to refuse to acknowledge her when she uses this term.  Just don't even react.  As far as you're concerned, unless she uses your cousin's name, she hasn't spoken.  This will have one of two consequences.  Either she'll start to refer to your cousin by his name, or she will stop talking about him.  Either way, you have made your point.

You could also talk to your friend's parents about the whole issue.  Explain to them how offended you are and maybe they can get their daughter to stop being so rude.

Good luck.  You're in a tough spot, but you're doing the right thing by standing up for your cousin.

Answer 9

have her meet your cousin. I'm sure once she's actually met him and can actually see what a disability he really has hopefully she will stop and start calling him by his real name(like she should for everyone)