Read and comment on my fan fiction please!?

Question

This might be boring but here we go:

“To whoever finds this, I hope this will help you. Two years ago, we were at our research lab. James, my coworker, was experimenting on a piece of the virus we detained from one of them. He wanted to examine it and find a cure. We tried adding different forms of bacteria to it in order to kill it. The bacteria grew on it but then suddenly died. It was strange. So we tried different antibiotics. We’ve found that enhancing the immune system helps slow it down but it cannot repel the virus.

“We took one of the virion and examined the shell. It is abnormal. Most virion are contained within a protein shell or coating that keeps it from dieing inside the body. The capsid of the virion seems to be linked almost directly to the reproductive virus itself. (The capsid and the envelope are also one). They die and then return from the dead but not as their former selves. The virus we discovered is parasitical and begins the process of decomposition as it eats away at the sinew parts of the body.

“Strangely enough, once the virus is contracted, the T-cells in the body shut down. They cease to function and in fact the antibodies don’t even spring into action. The antibodies are completely useless once the virus is implanted in the blood stream. In a way, this strange virus acts like HIV. There is no cure because we are unable to attack something without an immune system even with antibiotics.

“We found that when a victim that has obtained the virus and put into hibernation in a cryopreservation canister, they can retain their human form. What does that matter? It’s only prolonging the inevitable. We are all going to end up like them. Not to mention, if you went into hibernation, there’s not much to do.

“I can’t stand this anymore. What’s worse is that James was bitten. They’re above us right now. Those things, those monsters are waiting for us. Whose idea was it to hide in the basement? Oh right it was James. I think I will have to kill him or put him in hibernation. All I can do is hope someone gets here before it’s too late. That door won’t hold up forever. I can still hear them moaning that stupid moan. Some of them sound like they are gargling something, maybe their own blood. I feel sick. I haven’t eaten today. James is falling asleep. His outer skin layer is starting to dry up and flake. Apparently, the decomposition process begins as soon as the virus attacks. This is horrible. His hair is starting to fall out. He’s falling asleep… I can’t to this… I’ll be back to record more later…”

Tatsuki sat in silence waiting for the scientist to come back on the recorder. There was scratching of the tape moving in silence and then the voice returned.

“The metamorphose stage has begun. James was twitching uncontrollably. I decided it was best to place him in hibernation. Man I am so glad that it isn’t a pathogen. James has been put in the deep freeze liquid we developed. I am wondering if I should put myself in there too. No one would find us. We would be frozen in time forever. The zombies would destroy our chambers.

“I hope that if I go through with this and I survive that someone who isn’t infected will unfreeze me when this is all over. I can’t think about this now! I have a cure to develop!”

There was a loud bang in the background of the voice recording. Tatsuki jumped when he heard it. There was another and another.

“I don’t have much time! They have gotten through the first barricade and are breaking into the basement!” BANG! “I have to put myself in the cryogenic freezing canister! To open the CFC, make sure you press the red button. The password is 2-2-0-32-5-B! After that, press the blue button!” BANG! BANG!

Tatsuki heard panting and fumbling. He assumed the scientist dropped the recorder. He heard panting and running. There was a distant pop-hiss of a mechanical door and an electronic voice speaking.

“Cryogenic Freezing Canister number 979 open.” Tatsuki heard the simulated voice sound in the background followed by a small alarm and then a crash of glass. “Warning. Intruder Alert. Glass window number two open.” Tatsuki heard a loud crack of a shotgun and distant moaning. He looked away from the device in his shaking hand and looked up at the four cylinders. One of them was exposed, the shielding left open. The glass had cracked and spilled out onto the floor. There was another loud crack of a shotgun that brought Tatsuki back to the recorder.

“GET AWAY!” The scientist shouted. He unloaded another round of the shotgun into the zombies. Tatsuki could picture this so vividly. He shuddered in disbelief. There was that moan that made Tatsuki want to turn off the recorder but he needed to know if the scientist made it. He heard a scream of terror and another shot. Then he heard movement and scuffling. They had gotten through.

“Cryogenic Freezing Canister number 979 activated. Now closing shield.”

Answer 1

I can see you put a lot of thought into your writing, which is always a good thing. Now, the only problem I have with it is that it sounds pretty much like a Resident Evil kind of thing.  If your readers are into video games, they may want to read your writings. Good luck.