Read me poem? Rate me poem?

Question

I can't hear nothing anymore,

These endless waves keep breaking shore.

I can't see why we are falling apart,

All these lost silences are breaking me heart.

I want to have you scream,

To wake me up if this is only a dream.

I am leaning on this broken harp,

These little pieces of music are cutting sharp.

I want to see your face,

Just to know this isn't a goose chase.

I want to make you open your eyes,

Because right now you need to look at mine.

I want this pressure to feel like satin.

When you speak, it sounds like latin.

This now a state of Emergency,

You aren't impressing me with your urgency.

Answer 1

10/10 very good no joke

Answer 2

I think it'd like it better if you had went for the non-rhyming way of things...but it's good. I really like this like:

"These little pieces of music are cutting sharp."

Answer 3

cool

Answer 4

I can't hear anything anymore.  "Nothing" is bad grammar.  Try "We're" instead of we are, it keeps better with the rhythm of the poem.  Instead of 'have you scream' try 'hear you scream'  and instead of 'little pieces of music,' try 'broken strings' and 'unused harp' instead of 'broken harp.'  Try to do something else instead of 'goose chase,' it seems silly and the poem tries to be sad & urgent & pleading.  & how would pressure feel like satin?  maybe edit lines 13-14.  

It was really cute.

Answer 5

It's beautiful

but this guy is not worth it

i'm sour . i know

guys come and guys go

Answer 6

5 out of 5

Answer 7

all the rhyming makes it kind of cheesy

Answer 8

Very good.  You are talented.  Does he know how much you want him? lol.  There is so much in the world to write about.  You should try....i see the potential. (smile).

Answer 9

Sorry, I don't like it.

It seems like you have it in the second paragraph, but the beginning needs work and the end needs cut off or rewritten.

Answer 10

It does not make sense to me...                       ...but I like it!

Cool poem!