Read my poem and rate please?

Question

Decemberia

I feel this thickening

My life is freezing

White is bitter cold

Time is sickening

And love is snapping

And the darkness become old

When the white became the elder

Of the story of white powder breeze

And the dark became the lover

Of the darkness and loving tease

And winter whispers a spell

To the sun to go hide away

And the moon to caress the earth

With tears of freezing rain

My breaths are lifting

My skin is pale

Skin becomes looser

As we start to inhale

Times like these are the hardest

When the air is so cold on our backs

And when time on the clock skips a beat

We find ourselves tracing back

This is the sickness of Winter

This is the sickness of cold

This is the loveless December

And the simplest lies are told

sorry if its a little confusing....:) thank u

Answer 1

I think it's great with lots of feelings in it.

Answer 2

Wow.

This is simply amazing.

Go publish it, some famous artist could discover it and use it as lyrics and you could become famous. =D

Answer 3

Fantastic!!!

                 MInd-Blowing, Superb........

                                                   What an immagination>>>

Excellent(=@) God BleSS@@@@@@@@@@

Answer 4

great Job! I like this poem a lot

Answer 5

i think its amazing... keep it up, but try not to post it on the internet or people could steal it:S

Answer 6

That really is amazing I write a lot of poetry and your is really good. Keep going you might even be able to publish it and also never say your writings confusing because even if others dont understand it, it doesnt matter. You know exactly what its about thats what matters!

If you need any further help with poems. Let me know! [e-mail]

Answer 7

Confusing, yes.    Also too many images and metaphors, most of them trite.

Probably fixable.    What exactly are you trying to say?   Figure that out and then pick the phrases and imagery that say it best.

Try to keep it to 14 lines.   You might miss but just - work on economy.

Answer 8

it s realy gd it sound so cold and winter so it certainly gets out the message that its winter and its all so cold so out of 10 i would r8 it

8

Answer 9

I love the poem, keep writing more.  I wish I could write one like that.

Answer 10

woah, that AMAZING!!

Keep up the good work!

Answer 11

Here's a piece of advice, if you have lots of good ideas that you are just using because you don't want them to go to waste, have a think. Are they relevant? Are they what you are trying to convey?

Don't just use things for the sake of using them because even though you get attached to them, it could actually end up weakening your poem by confusing people.

I really liked this poem, it really put you there.

But just remember what I said, and if you don't want to part with an idea - use it for another poem.

Hope my input helped. You've obviously got great potential :)