Read my poem and tell me what you think?

Question

tonight i can write the sweetest words

* modeled after another poem

tonight i can write the sweetest words.

i saw you for the first time today in the distance,

you had eyes of inquisition when you blinked at me.

if only you could see my heart twitter faster and faster.

i saw you for the first time today.

we smiled and you said hello.

i felt the color in my face rise.

If only you could see me.

I saw you for the first time today.

we talked and laughed with each other.

i felt my tongue twist and stutter.

if only you could hear me.

i saw you for the first time today.

we walked under the stars.

everytime you looked at me my heart stopped.

you took my breaths away.

i saw you for the first time today.

we were nervous and inseperable.

i gave you my number a piece of my heart,

ill be waiting...

Answer 1

I like this.  The way you (we - universality) think over what could have been over and over... never really having an answer.  How well I remember those moments.

Suggestion:

you took my breaths away.

you took my breath away.  Each time "you looked" is fulfilled with the singular form.

T.

Answer 2

awww very cute

i like itXD

Answer 3

awww nice.

=]

Answer 4

Not my taste. I didn't like the repetitiveness, because like rhyming it is overused. Also the imagery was very limited. Im sorry to be so harsh it is certainly better than what I can do.