Read please, and tell me what you think??

Question

I kno it has its issies but i would be very happy if you would please read this and give me your opinion. much appreciated.

Elita trudged through the city streets miserably. She had lost her job, her home, and her dog all within the past twenty-four hours, and even though she tried to remember, she couldn‘t figure out why she had even crawled her way into work this morning to begin with. Thinking back, she probably would have chose against it had she known that today was the day she was going to give her boss his fill, and ultimately loose her job for her incompetence. The loosing of her home was a different story. For weeks she had been telling herself that she would eventually scrape up enough money to pay those high, menacing towers of bills that sat on her kitchen counter; they served as her constant reminders of the hole she had dug herself into since moving to Chicago. Sadly, shortly after being evicted from her dusty apartment, she had lost her only companion for the past two years, her dog Russ.

Rain poured from the lightning streaked sky over head, and soaked her to the bone. She wanted desperately to go home and change into warm clothes, but a quick thought reminded her that she, in fact, no longer had a so called “home”.

Elita looked up and down the empty street trying to remember where she had parked her red 1991 Chevy Cavalier. After a few minutes, she gave up, and sat on a park bench. Curling her legs up to her chest, she buried her face into her knees and cried, her tangled brown hair falling in a cascade over her shoulders. Her world was crashing around her making everything unbearable. She didn’t know where to go from here. A friends house was out of the question since she hadn’t gotten around to making friends in Chicago yet; work was much more important to her. Local homeless shelters were out of the question as well, for her pride would not allow her to even admit that she was now, by her own standards, homeless.

***

Keagan sat in the darkest corner of his favorite bar, The Loft, swishing around the liquid gold in his shot glass of whiskey. His mind was littered with thoughts that he wanted so badly to burn away, but he couldn’t bring himself to take a sip of his usual numbing medicine. Had it really been fifty years since his transformation? It seemed like only yesterday when the accident occurred and the Dark Gift was forced upon him, but maybe that was just a side effect of his new, unfailing and all too accurate memory.

He saw it all clearly, and felt the centuries old pain again, but it was only momentary. He saw his makers face, bright and lustrous in the moonlight as she looked at his mangled body on the ground.

Her eyes had a strange desire in their depths as she stared at Keagan.

“Poor thing.” she muttered.

She cradled Keagan’s head in her lap and placed her ear to his chest. The normally loud thud-thud of all human hearts was slowly being dulled. The woman knew what she had to do. She lowered her head down to Keagan’s neck.

“Stay still. This will hurt at first, but not for long”

As she sank her fangs into his soft skin, Keagan gasped for a moment, but soon went still. The sudden wave of realization flooded over him as he realized what this beautiful stranger was. A vampire. He felt his already struggling heart began to weaken even more. His vision was fading, and his weakness was growing more and more prominent.

Lifting her head from his neck, the woman put her own wrist up to her fangs and slid them across her skin, leaving a bright red line of blood dribbling from the gash.

“Drink if you wish to live.” she said while pressing her wrist to his lips.

Keagan was hesitant. Should he drink a strangers blood? Let alone, any blood at all? Was his life really that important to him?

She pressed her wrist against his lips again, more fervent this time.

“You are going to die anyway, Keagan. At least this way, you can live in the end.”

A snap decision made him do what he knew he wanted her to. Pressing his lips to her open wound, Keagan hesitantly drew her blood into his mouth. The taste didn’t repulse him, surprisingly. In fact, it did quiet the opposite. He swallowed gulp after gulp of her blood until she had to forcibly remove his grip from her arm, and pull her wrist from his lips.

“That’s quiet enough.”

A quick flick of her tongue over the gash made it seal itself. She laid Keagan’s head back on the ground slowly, and stood to look at the wreckage. A few yards away was a truck plowed head first into a tree off to the side of the road. There was no doubt that it was totaled.

“You really almost did yourself in, Keagan. Had I not been near by, your final moments on this God forsaken eart

Answer 1

when i saw "That’s quiet enough" i cracked up.anyway i like it, its not very original because everyone is writing about vampires these days but i like it. at first i thought it would be about how a woman would go over obstacles from being homeless... but oh well.