Read this and see if you can relate to any of this please. if so, I'd love to hear your story.?

Question

Read this and see if you can relate to any of this please. if so, I'd love to hear your story.

When I was 21, I met a guy who I stayed with for 8 years. He came home one day and said he didn't love me anymore. 6 months later, he was married. I was devastated. I found a place to live and shortly after, met a great guy. 6 months after we started dating, he got afraid of commitment.

Now, a little over a year later, we are still seeing each other but not committed to one another --- allthough I would love to be. He isn't meaning to, but is stringing me along. I love him so therefore am having a hard time listening to my head and not my heart the whole time. He has a lot of friends and has a hard time balancing me and them along with work. And to make it somewhat worse, we live 6 blks. away from one another. I love him with all of my heart. I want him to be the one i marry. But right now, the feeling isn't mutual. he's going through counseling to help figure out what he wants but it's taking sometime. i, on the other hand, don't have a lot of friends. and the ones i have are married with children or single and live in another city. i am so bored so much of my time and struggle to make new friends --- not sure what i should do to find more. isn't there a support group for people like me --- lonely and who wants to make friends?! i try to meet guys but none interest me and the ones that do, are into games. aaahhhh. besides, i have NO interest in being with someone other than him. how can you be with someone when your heart is with someone else?

when i was with my ex of 8 years, i lost touch with all my college friends and we all went our separate ways for various reasons. now, it's just me and my dog. it's pretty sad. i'm no where i want to be in life. almost 33 and NO WHERE i planned on being.

what are your thoughts. can you relate? please no rude or mean comments.

Answer 1

It is mind boggling to me how women have zero self-confidence.  I guess it is our (men) fault.  But I don't know how to fix it.

You are worth more than any boyfriend.  You are special and lovely and beautiful.  I know this not because I know you personally, but because I know that you were born with a purpose that is only yours.

Best of luck...that goes to all the ladies out there that think a boy give them some sort of identity.

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Answer 2

I think you have too much invested in this one guy.  You need some friends.  Get involved in something.  Church, a club anything where there are people.  If you get over the loneliness by making some friends you will have a little network of people to talk to and you won't feel like this guy is everything.

Answer 3

hon, you live the choices you make, but with that said, you can make new choices and change what you don't like about your life; you have the power; get busy with hobbies, volunteer some of your time for a cause you enjoy....only you can change your life.  Don't wait for other people to choose what your life will or won't be....Good Luck, you can do it!

Answer 4

Understand what you are saying. Although i am married now i did not get married until i was 27. Did not date and was very lonely. My life was my job and family. But i would suggest to you if you are not happy with your life don't wait to much longer set a time in your mind and try and move on. If your life is not where you want it to be, try a new job meet new people and just go for it..If this man loves you, He will come looking for you. Have you ever heard absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Answer 5

You sound like me - similar. I am recently divorced from someone I really didn't love and who was mean to my son, but I was also very much in love with someone else - he was also getting divorced but now has decided to stay with his family because he can't leave his kids (lame).  I am so lonely and I feel like I have nothing and want him back.  Then I have moments of clarity when I think, why do I want someone who is rejecting me?  If i had a friend treat me like this and just shut me out i wouldn't even want to call her ever again - why don't I feel the same about him?  Fear of being alone.  Neither you nor I will be alone - if we can let the ones who don't want us go we will be open to finding new good love - i know - I also can't imagine being with anyone but him but in time I bet I will.. good luck!!

Answer 6

You sound like you have really low self esteem. I don't blame you after hearing your story about your ex walking out after 8 years and then marrying someone else. I think that would devastate anyone and would certainly leave one feeling quite inadequate. However, it sounds like you are headed for the same fate with this new boyfriend. If he isn't committed now, he probably won't ever be. Don't be fooled by men who claim they CAN'T commit. The truth is they don't WANT to commit. You should be strong and do the right thing: move on. Yeah, you're in your 30's, but don't settle for someone just because you think you're running out of time. There are plenty of men out there! And the reason you aren't interested in any of them is because you haven't ended it with the loser who can't commit.    

Answer 7

For one thing it's good that you are letting you feelings out and that's one thing I have learned from my past relationship. Been married twice and neither one of them worked out. Now I'm living with my boyfriend and moved in together 3 years ago but together 7 years. Believe me I want to get married but I get mixed feelings doing so. I think it's because I was really hurt the first time and he cheated on me and the second marriage finical problems and he also cheated on me. Now this guy he did cheat on me and it was such a ruff situation and I did try to move on and he kept coming back into my life and God only knows why?

I guess it was meant to be and we do love each other and I do take it day by day and trust is an issue and we do communicate all the time and it does help. But if you need a friend I'm here to listen. I feel your pain and I do understand your heart ache.

If he really loves you, the time will come and he will open his eyes and realize your the one for him, just don't rush him because most guys are the one who want to do the asking, well you know "will you marry me?" But then there may be a better guy out there for you.

Just be patience and I know it's easy said than done.

Hang in there your still so young!