Read this and tell me what u think ?

Question

Hey ! i just wondred if u could read this little text and tell me what u think ? i don't have a good english , i know that (if there is some mistakes please tell me too) .. i'm gonna use this as the beginning of a story to school . btw i'm only 15 so haha . and i know i'm not a good writer ! and btw i'm gonna make the letters big in the beginning , i just wanna hear what u think . u wanna keep on reeding this ? or is it just §h!t ?! and please if u wanna make the sentences better please help me ! be honest :)

the letter was burning, i was regretting.. on everything. i was just hoping that she wouldn't tell anoyone.. the cell was calling again. it was him. what would happend if i took it? what would if i didn't, if i never answered? i only knew the answer on the last thing.. i would never hear the truth. what had i become? a person who only cared about myself?

Answer 1

Hey there heres a tip, when writting with professional diction, do not use contractions =]

(didn't, wouldn't instead use did not or would not) just sounds more better..

Also  here is my grammar corrections:

The letter was burning; I was regretting everything. I was just hoping that she would not tell everyone. The cellphone was ringing again, and it was him. What would happend if I took it? What if I never answered? Only I, knew the answer on the last thing. I would never hear the truth. What had I become? A person who only cared about myself?

I changed some words, and corrected some grammar=]

Well good luck

Please answer my question!! =]

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 2

There are some minor grammar mistakes in your story.  Here is a corrected version:

the letter was burning, and i was regretting.. everything. i was just hoping that she wouldn't tell anyone.. the cell was ringing again. it was him. what would happen if i answered it? what would if i didn't, if i never answered? i only knew the answer to the last thing.. i would never hear the truth. what had i become? a person who only cared about myself?

I hope that helps, and good luck!

Answer 3

It is good, I don't really know what it is about though. Here is what I think should be corrected and what I think is in parentheses:

The letter was burning, I was regretting... everything (no "on" it doesn't make sense. this line doesn't actually make sense to me). I was just hoping that she wouldn't tell anyone, the *cellphone* was *ringing* again. It was him. What would happen if I *answered* it? What would *happen* is I didn't, if I never answered? I only knew the answer *to* the last thing.. I would never hear the truth. What had I become? A person who only cared about myself?

keep on writing!

Answer 4

I thought it was really good.  Very mysteriest.... you should keep with the same idea and write more!  I hope my opinion helps.

Answer 5

Hhmmm ... I don't want to change up to much of your wording, so here's a slightly different version.

The letter was burning; I was regretting everything. I was just hoping she wouldn’t tell anyone. The cell phone was ringing again, and I knew it was him. What would happen if I answered? What if I never answered? I knew the answer— if I never answered, I would never hear the truth. What had I become? A person who only cared about myself?

I'd like to keep reading, but I'd suggest giving the story a bit more background and checking your grammar and spelling. If you don't end with a question mark, you end with two periods and the 'I' needs to be capitalized in almost every line.

You have serious potential and this is just a bit of friendly advice.