Ready to leave him and start anew?

Question

I married 19 yrs. ago and I haven't been happy with my husband since.

I was 25 yrs old then and very insecure. I believe I married him for security reasons now that I think back. I have 2 boys whom I love with all my heart. They are 17 and 8. I have been fighting depression since I lost twins to a miscarriage in 1993. (I let my depression and nerves get too bad without medication, so now I have to fight this monster off and on. My husband went to the therapist with me and the therapist told him that one of the signs of depression is lack of libido. My hubby shook his head in agreement. We get home and he lays on the couch pouting because he isn't going to get any s*x. When I get my down times, He says I'm lazy and the kids have to fend for themselves. I'm trying, I go to a therapist, I am on medication. He doesn't always help matters. My boys and I seem alot happier when he's not around. As soon as he comes home fromanywhere the 2 boys get up and go t o their rooms. I just want to be happy. Any body out there with some good advice? I've tried praying too. The 2 things that started the unhappiness in the marriage at the very beginning is that he told me I couldn't take aerobic classes anymore (cost too much) $2.00 a class! and I am a medical assistant and I wanted to go back to school to be an RN. He said no, we can't afford it. We were both working full time and no kids yet and I was going to go to school while still working full time. Thanks for any serious advice.

Answer 1

Nineteen years is a long time to suffer through so much unhappiness.  You should be proud of your efforts to better yourself.  There are so many people out there who cannot, or will not.  

We reach a point in our adult lives when we have to seriously weigh our choices.  You could choose to stay with your husband, and anyone would understand why you would want to.  You have 19 years and 2 children invested in the marriage.  It's a lot to walk away from.

You could choose, instead, to leave him.  From what you've written, he seems no longer interested in supporting you while you deal with your depression.  He appears more concerned about lack of s*x than the lack of happiness of his life partner.  If the cost of staying in the marriage is living with an emotionally and verbally abusive man, then perhaps that cost is too high.  Only you can determine that.