Real Babysitting problem- mom won't allow timeouts?

Question

the kid i babysit (6) is not to bad as far as kids go, he just is insanely hyper he sometimes will lash out at his younger sister who is 3. he will also just have naughty moments and will trow tantroms like coloring his sister with markers when he is mad ,He also has like major impulse controll he is toilet trained but he peed on his sister because he wanted to the last time i was there. His mom is a piece of work and believes that timeout demeans a child and will harm them mentaly (don't get her started about spanking). She says she belives he will truly fell sorry for what he has done and will learn not to he is (6). well thats fine, but i still have to babysitt him (family friend)

What can i do when he gets outs of controll? the mom sais use my creativity(basicaly anything accept timeout and spanking) He is a smart kid, i would use the whole i was going to take you somewhre but since you were naughty etc. Well i used the pool, he replied the pool is closed today.

Answer 1

OMG!!1 TELL THE MOTHER YOU WILL NOT WATCH HER CHILDREN ANYMORE UNTIL SHE STARTS SETTING BOUNDRIES FOR THAT BOY!!!! WHEN IT GETS TO THE POINT OF HIM URINATING ON HIS SISTER AND SHE FEELS THAT YOU HAVE TO FIND A WAY OF PUNISHMENT OTHER THEN TIME OUT OR ANYTHING ELSE LIKE THAT, THEN SHE HAS TOTALLY LACKED ON HER ROLE AS MOTHER AND NEEDS TO LEARN WHAT TO DO TO CONTROL THAT.....

Answer 2

I think that you should totally go with incentive (not bribery, people, let's be nice here).  What does he like?  Would here like a sticker reward each time he uses his words instead of actions?  Can you encourage with the going to the dollar tree and getting a toy if he makes it, however long, without hitting/hurting his sister.  The peeing thing....not normal, I would be worried.  Work with incentive and rewards.  Praise to the skies good behavior and hardly notice bad.  Above all keep the other kids safe.  You need to be there so that that little girl is not demeaned by her brother again.  I hope that you have discussed this thoroughly with his mother.  If she is so concerned with avoiding degradation than she should be working to prevent it for her daughter as well.  Keep the safety of the kids in your care the up most priority.  I would say the day is a success if no-one gets peed on.  Anyway, ask him what he wants to do, and then define, clearly, what his behavior will be if he wants those rewards.  I have a six year old and computer time is the best incentive, that and video games.  I like phrase, "You have a choice..."  The child demands anything that is unreasonable say, ten cookies.  You can say, "you have a choice, you can have two cookies or no cookies. If you want two cookies, you need to calm down and ask nicely."  If the child does not comply they get no cookies.

Answer 3

This is why kids are out of control today. Just because the little one is little doesn't mean she will not have problems with her brother peeing on her!! What about her? What will this do to her! I have had to watch kids that there tamtrums were so bad I had to physically sit down and hold them for there own safety. Then I do a time out to think about what just happened.

When she tells you that you should use your creativity you tell her time out is what you do and if she disagrees again then ask her what does she do? He is not going to feel sorry if he is never punished. If he gets away with things he will jsut do them more. Unforunately you cannot leave that little girl alone with him ever. If you need to use the restroom you will have to make her sit by the door and talk to you or him do that. Make a game about it.

You can try making a pretty chart that he will get a sticker for being good. Have it were he can see it whenever you babysit him. he can get a sticker to take home if he is extra special. Stickers are cheap. Give him choices. You can do this or that. If he chooses another option then say that is not a choice. You can either stop doing what ever bad behavior it is or you will have to get sit down.

Sorry you have to do this. You need to express to your parents what has happened. Keep a little diary and then show the mother what her son has done? As her what would you have done when these things happen? Maybe it will open her eyes seeing it on paper! Maybe someone should pee on her!! maybe eventually they might feel bad! Not!

Answer 4

This child is crying for boundaries!  Tell your mom about your concerns, especially for the little girl.  Then tell her that you're going to do this:

The next time mom & dad drop you there, have a conversation w/ the mom in front of your mother.  Tell her that you think being peed on is harming the self esteem of the girl and that you need to know what discipline she uses.  If she says something vague like " use your creativity" press her for HER disciplines.  What would the consequences be if the mom were in charge when the pee incident happened?

Then use some consequences w/ her - that since she can't give you an effective measures that you will be using time outs.  Now she has to choose - go out and know that her son will face a time out if he misbehaves or find another sitter.

Really, what can she do? FIRE YOU?

I would have forced him to attend to his sister, even if I had to take him by the hand and walk him through all the steps - getting her fresh clothes, a warm washcloth, picking up her wet clothes (make him TOUCH them), carry them to the laundry room and tell mom AND dad what he did.

I would probably let the sister have one of his most prized possessions every time he hurt her.  I would lavish the girl w/ attention when he throws his tantrums - no audience, no tantrum.

My evil side might even let him at his mother's things and then choose not to punish him.

I would not bribe him with material things, but you could use other rewards - a story, etc.

Answer 5

Ask the mum what she would do specifically. For that matter, ask your parents what they would do. "Use your creativity" is not an appropriate thing to say to a sixteen year old babysitter.

Answer 6

Everything is a privelage.  When they act up, take away some of the privelages...for instance, if they have a favorite toy, when they act up, don't let them play with it until they start acting better.  If they don't act better, take away more privelages...tv, playing outside, video games...etc.  This will teach them the principle of consequences...an idea that it doesn't sound like the parents are teaching too well.

Answer 7

dont threaten it makes them want to do it more, just say"ok were going to have some quiet time now" and read a story or do some colouring in and sit quietly

Answer 8

Silence. Basically, don't allow him to talk to anyone, and don't talk to him (barring, obviously, extreme circumstances).

Little kids are starved for attention. Knowing that, if you don't give him any, and in fact make a conscious effort to ignore him, then you'll be able to get the little rat under your control.

Answer 9

What a complete brat!!!!!

I agree with what one of the other people say.  Ask her what affect this is having on the 3 year old who is getting peed on!

Try telling your parents about his behaviour, maybe they can have a talk to the mother about it.

I can't understand why she thinks time out would cause psychological effects.  It's a simple technique used to show there are consequences for bad behaviour.

Um... maybe try taking toys away from him? Oh, and HIDE THE MARKERS!

Ask him how he would feel if someone peed on him.  Make him see the situation from his sister's perspective.  If he is a smart kid he should be able to do this.

This is not normal behaviour.  If she's not into time out and such, maybe you should suggest taking him to a counsellor.  That's some aggressive behaviour he is exhibiting.

Good luck!

Answer 10

When you catch him, pick him up and put him on the couch or floor next to you (sit next to him). Hold him if you have to and explain to him why he is there. If she still goes crazy about that, try to find a new family to sit for or talk to her.

Answer 11

Try speaking sternly. Look him in the eye and tell him that is unacceptable. If you can't get him to stop you could do the loss of priviledges kind of like the pool but maybe with a toy or something.

Hope this was helpful!

Answer 12

consequences like cleaning up the messes he made, making him wipe up the pee on his sister and change her clothes.

but then he sounds like he gets to do what he wants when he wants and sometimes a little time out is needed and if she cant understand that then I wouldnt babysit for her. she needs to let you discipline them or watch them herself and she can deal with her own kids.

Answer 13

Excuse me but you are just as enabling in the victimization of the 3 year old.  If she won't allow simple discipline such as time outs, then stop babysitting for them. Explain that you find the abuse the daughter is taking is not justified and you will no longer sit for her. It is not your job as a babysitter to have to discipline when the parent won't do it in the first place.

Answer 14

Woah!  This kid needs some serious boundaries and consequences!  Explain to the mom that in your home your rules apply.  Time out will NOT hurt any child (this is where this generation of parenting is going....to h**l in a hand basket).  She can choose not to put him time out in her home, but in your home your rules apply.  Since you are his care giver for a while during the day you have every right to enforce your rules in your home.  It's not like you are spanking him or yelling at him, it's time out for goodness sake!  

If she puts up a stink about it, then simply say that you cannot watch him anymore because it's not fair to your child to see her child get away with everything and because her child too unruly.  Don't feel the least bit guilty.  Children need healthy boundaries and discipline along with corrective measures when they are wrong.

This woman will be sorely disappointed when her child turns out to be out of control later in life.  She needs to set boundaries and have consequences for his actions, both good and bad.

Answer 15

From what I'm reading and how you posted I'm thinking you should give up on babysitting and concentrate more on your schoolwork.  You obviously have no grammar or spelling skills, are you aware that accept and expect are two different words?  They aren't used interchangeably, I suggest you pick up a dictionary and find out the differences in the words.  Your entire post makes no sense because of your lack of spelling skills.  Hopefully you don't fill out employment applications this way.

Answer 16

You can quit if you want to.  If she doesnt like it tell her to find someone else.  If they say no tell her you will use time out if she doesnt like it bring him to dinner.

Answer 17

if he uses markers on his sister then take them away and tell him he can't have them since he doesn't know how to use them right. as for tantrums walk away from himso he doesn't have an audience...take his siter from the room too, or throw yourself down on the floor next to him and copy him . you can also try wrapping up something special just for him and show him the wrapped gift when you get there (after mom leaves) and tell him you will give it to him as long as he behaves. and just remind him through out the night.  You can also try setting up a schedule of set activities to do with them.  like hid a toy and play hot cold.  it will make the time go quick and make him focus on other things

Answer 18

You really need to voice your feelings to your parents. You shouldnt be forced to watch such an undisciplined child.

Answer 19

ok...so time out is gonna "leave long term mental harm" but his sister is just going to what? get over it?....how is a 3 year old supposed to deal?have you asked her that? honestly i have watched many kids and have a daughter of my own...tell her that her daughter could have effects such as feeling like her brother is the favorite etc if they dont get him under control...

Answer 20

Wow thats hard....so you can do...anything, no time out....no spanking, haha....and....what about taking his toy away. and puting 'it' in time out. then when he apologizes to his sister, or starts calming down. You give it back. He might tell his mom you took his toys or somthing wich is also a bad thing, but I'm sure she'll understand when you explain.

Hope that helped!