Really unconsiderate boss, bad child care, low wages and no support! What next?

Question

Stuck in a rubbish job, not appreciated - bare minimum pay. Having to work extra shifts without getting paid for them. Being told i have to work the whole of September month when she knows my son is starting nursery and he needs me there with him. If work itself isnt horrible enough i have child care problems - arguments between which grand parent will have him today. So when i am at work im worrying where he is and what he is upto. My son hasnt taken to the idea of me working and has recently started to be very clingy and i cant even got to the toilet now with out him crying and wanting to come with me! is all just a big mess. im 20 and i feel as people look down at me so i want to work to prove them wrong and my partner is always on to me about working. Its all he cares about not about my feelings just if im going to work on time. Baring in mind over all of this i suffer from really bad depression. What the h**l am i going to do. Im being taken for a mug i know it. please help me x

Answer 1

You have some options.

You could look for a better paying job with career advancement opporutunities such as education benefits, childcare benefits and/or a career path.  If you can get a good enough job with benefits such as a flexible child care savings account, you could put your child into daycare, and have complete control over who is caring for him.  Persistence pays off.  If you keep looking for a different job, you will find one.

You could apply for financial aid for a college eduation and take some college courses part-time, and look for a part-time job.  Waitressing is sometimes an option for part-time.   One great option for college courses is to take them over the internet.  If you get cable internet service, you can do much of your coursework at home, spend less time overall taking the college courses, and need only go to the college to take your tests at a testing center.   Getting some college eduation or technical training can separate you from the masses who are looking for a job, and make you eligible for higher pay and better benefits.

You could care for children in your home, so that you can stay with your own child, and care for a couple more, so that you are making an income.  This might not be the best solution, though, for someone who is depressed, because someone who is depressed does better when they have a schedule that they must maintain, to make them get up and get going in the morning.

Your partner should not have to carry all the weight, so I understand his concern that you are getting to work on time.  If you are fired for attendance, the full weight of the bill paying falls on him.    Also, depression can make one irritable, so some of your irritability with your partner may be related to your own medical problem.  

Check with your state family services department and determine whether you are eligible for any services.  Depending on your level of income, you may be eligible for financial aid, housing assistance, childcare assistance or other types of assistance that might take some stress off your family.

There are several things you need to be doing to handle your depression.   Take fish oil or some other source of omega's, vitamin D and a multi-vitamin every day.  A stress-B complex early in the morning can give you extra energy.   Put that baby in a stroller and take a walk in the sun every day.  You need the sunlight and exercise to help elevate your mood.   Eat healthy foods, fruits, vegetables and meats, and avoid much sugary drinks and food, alcohol or drugs.   Sending your sugar levels soaring or plummeting will have a bad effect on your moods.   Maintain a regular sleep schedule, going to bed and getting up around the same time every day, and avoiding naps or taking a short one at the same time every day - no more than 45 minutes.  Make sure you are getting enough sleep.  You may need 9 or 10 hours.  Don't drink too much caffeine and don't drink it after early morning.   It will put you on a cycle where you can't sleep and need caffeine to wake up, and if your child is nursing, it may also affect your child.   It takes several days to get caffeine out of your system so you can sleep normally.  

Obviously, you should be seeing a doctor and getting treatment for your depression.  There are some older anti-depressants that should cost no more than $4-8 dollars a month.  You don't have to have the newest stuff.   There are also some that help you sleep.  Depression sometimes causes insomnia.

Sometimes, it seems like someone doesn't care about your feelings, but there may be something else going on.  When someone is struggling, it be even harder for them if they get behind, whether it's going to work late or not paying their bills.   When someone urges you to take care of these things, they are helping you to avoid a much larger problem that will be more difficult, stressful and depressing later, like getting fired, having your car re-possessed, getting kicked out of your apartment or having your power turned off requiring several hundred dollars that you do not have to find a new place to live or get your power turned back on.

At age 20, you have a lot of responsibility with a baby to care for, and you are at the beginning of your career, when you have less work experience at your job and lower pay and less independence.   It is hard.   No doubt about it.    Don't be too hard on yourself.  You're doing great.   Make sure you take a little time every day to fully relax.  Take a warm bath, use some relaxing scents, listen to relaxing music, light some candles.  Prayer or meditation can help.   Try self-hypnosis.  You can read about it on the internet.  Anything that you can do to help you relieve your stress and elevate your mood can help you fight your depression and anxiety.

Kids go through stages.  Your child will age out of the clinginess stage faster than you believe is possible.   Just take it one day at a time.  

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Answer 2

Get a new Job perhaps or study if you can to better you're opptions

Answer 3

you sound inconsolable and acutely depressed,see your DR take at least a month off and consider the future. but most importantly do not continue in this turmoil. good luck.

Answer 4

im 20 and my daughter also starts nursery in september so i know exactly how you feel.

first of all i want to say well done for working, too many people take the easy root out and live off benefits, you will be a hero to your son when he is older and a real role model.

i really would suggest seeing your doctor about your depression,i got depression when i went back to work,its so hard to leave your little one, but its so important to have enough money to take care of them so its a big dilemma.it doesnt make it easier when i see couples who are on benefits and neither have to work and they never seem to appreciate the time they have with their children.

perhaps you need to find a job with less hours if you work 16 hours you can still get help with things like rent and council tax and take home working tax credit also, so its a win win situation if you do this.

with child care you can get financial help with that also,to the amount of about £150 per week depending on your circumstances.

its obviouse your little boy is struggling to come to terms with spending less time with you so maybe its in his best interests to work less hours and claim a bit of financial help,you will be surprised by how much you can get http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndB...

talk to your partner and get him to realsie how you and your son are struggling with the situation tell him that you ARE going to make CHANGES and that if he doesnt like it he can get a 2nd job,hes the man and your the women and this is how its always been, tell him you will put in your fair share of the graft but you need to find a solution to the problem rather than just struggling through.

good luck and take care x

Answer 5

What a nightmare for you! There is lots of good advice about work & parenting on:

www.netmums.com

Good luck!

Answer 6

I have been in the same situation.  All I can say is you are the only one who can change it.  If you are depressed you need medication, not only for your health and well being but for your son.  Get a better job, set up a schedule for the grandparents and stick to it, if your partner doesn't support you, you don't need him, who cares what other people think and always tell your son you have to work but you will always be back to get him.  He'll catch on, my son did.  Depend on nobody but yourself and you will never be disappointed.

Answer 7

You are having a really hard time, and I sympathise with you, but that's not going to achieve anything. So, some practical suggestions:

1. Go and see your doctor. If he/she thinks you have a depression, medication will be prescribed which will help in the short-term.

Meanwhile:

2.Your son is entitled to 12.5 hrs.of free early years learning a week for 38 weeks a year from a registered provider eg.school, nursery or playgroup.

3. Child Tax Credits are available to help with child-minding for working parents. I believe this is payable to grandparents as well as professional child-minders, so that should ease the situation with grandparents, if they are being paid for their efforts.

4. Working Tax Credits for working families  on low incomes- there is a specific element for child-care up to £175 per week according to the government website, <www.direct.gov.uk> It can be confusing, ploughing your way through government forms, so if you need help, contact the Citizen's Advice Bureau.

5. Working parents are ENTITLED to up to 13 weeks of parental leave per child up to the 5th birthday. The employer does not have to pay, but the better ones can and do. It is also your right to ask for a proper consideration for a flexible working arrangement when you have a child under 6 years of age, so long as you have worked for the employer for 26 weeks.

There is also something called Child maintenance Premium, but I'm unclear as to the conditions that it is paid.

For a general check on what you are entitled to financially, go to the website

      <www.entitledto.co.uk>

6. You sound like a well-educated young lady (no spelling mistakes in your question!) so start looking for a better job, which is always somewhat easier when your'e employed, if not easy to get time for interviews.

For instance, the supermarkets are always seeking staff, and I get the impression that they are quite good employers as these things are reckoned. Why not try the civil service or local authority, as a clerk ? Jobsearch can be done on the internet, but you may get help regarding tax credits if you attend the office in person.

I do hope all these suggestions of mine and the other Yahooers help you in some way, and give you the confidence to face the future with optimism.