Recent deaths, bottled up feelings...Too much for one person? ?

Question

Where to start.....I've been dating my guy for almost 2 years now. In the past year, he has lost his father, his grandmother, and now yesterday, his best friend was struck by a drunk driver in a truck. His friend was driving a motorcycle with his girlfriend on the back, and both were killed. This is a lot of tragedy for anyone to handle within 1 year. His father passed in December right before Christmas, and then his grandmother less than a month later. He's 21 years old, and like most young men, he keeps his feelings mostly to himself. I mean, he cried for his father right after he passed (he was there with him when it happened) but that was it. And he didn't shed a tear when his grandmother passed, and now with his best friend, he's acting the same way. I know my boyfriend isn't heartless or anything like that, not even close! But like I said, when it comes to things like this, he just bottles up his pain. I know everyone deals with these things differently, but I'm afraid he's going to have a breakdown or something real soon. Also, since his father passed, he's been the man of the house, taking care of everything from going food shopping with his mother, mowing the lawn, taking out the garbage, paying bills becuase money is so tight with only his and his mothers income. I know most guys do this stuff anyway from time to time, but he lives like a 35 year old and he never gets to go out and just have a good time. His father was sick for about 3 years before he passed and my boyfriend never had the childhood he should have had. I'm just really concerned for him and if anyone has any advice on what to do or how to do it, that would be great. Do I talk to him about it? Leave him alone? Should I do something for him? Thanks in advance for any help.

Answer 1

I think you should just try to comfort him... Maybe he realizes or hes scared that were all eventually gonna die. right? Yeah he might be bottling it up.. Which is bad. You shuould find something for him to take it on...  

Answer 2

definitely talk to him..he needs a shoulder to cry on...why not ask him about it im sure he would understand :)

Answer 3

first i think wat ur doin is rlly cool first if hes botling his feelings up then i dont think u shud interfere with that its prob his way of dealin with it n if he wants he will tak to u abt it the most  u can do is stick by him n lyk do his chores with him u no lyk wen hes mowing the lawn help him n stuff u noe hmm lyk u be da one dat takes dis boulder of his shoulder u noe um hope they all rest in peace tc

sry if that was no help ;]

Answer 4

it is never good for someone to keep there feeling bottled up. you just got to be straight up with him. tell him how u feel and have a very personal talk. let him know he dosent have to hide anything because u dont want him doing something he regrets. thats soo tragic and unbelivable he hasent showed anything. but any way ask him about how hes feeling,what can u do to make him feel better...anything you can really

Answer 5

I DONT FEEL LIKE reading all of this so ask the Q ahouter with out the strie and i will try to answer cuz i no how you feel

Answer 6

He may not have shown the emotion for the grandparent because he wasn't as close.  The lose of his friend may still be a shock and hasn't really sunk in.  Many guys don't cry when people die except if the person is a close family member such as a wife, sibling, parent or their child.  He is taking on a lot and has grown up very quickly and if you stay with him you also will be in the same situation.  Try to remain strong because your strength will help him and just be there for these tough times.  He may need to talk at the strangest times.

Answer 7

Leave him alone about it.  Don't bring it up too much and try to make him get out more.  My cousins brother just died, and her grandma is sick (going to die eventually also), and her dad left her family.  This can get to be too much to handle.  She tried to commit suicide.  So keep an eye on your friend.  If he doesn't want to go out, go over to his house.  Bring his favorite game or movie.  Let him know that you care without reminding him of the past.  Nothing you can say about it will make him feel better.

Answer 8

Wow, that really is a lot for anyone to handle. Take it from someone that handles things the same way he does, hahaha, let him be. I'm sure it hurts so much for him right now that he's either completely numb and doesn't feel anything anymore (not in a heartless way, by no means), and he just really needs to let everything sink in. When he's ready to talk, he'll talk. But there's so much weighing down on him right now, the last thing he probably wants, is for you to prod at him until he breaks and tells you how he feels. Sometimes, when you have a nervous breakdown, it's such a RELEASE that it actually feels GOOD when it's all done and over with. I would go to him and say "Hey, you know I love you (If this is true) and I'm always going to be there for you, no matter what. If you wanna talk about what's going on, then I'm all ears, and if not, then when you're ready, I'll still be there to listen." That will put it on him, so that he knows you're not FORCING him to do anything especially because he's stressed out enough as it is. I hope this helps and good luck with him!

Answer 9

I would offer to talk to him about everything thats been happening and tell him that your there for him. But dont push him too hard for him to talk to you about anything he doesnt want to talk to you about.

Thats a lot of tragedy for one person to handle.

Good luck

Answer 10

Wow...tough stuff. Do not leave him alone...at least if you love him.  Yes, talk to him about it. Ask him, in a very private setting, how he feels.  If he seems withdrawn...try to draw him out.  This bottled-up stuff is not healthy, in many respects.  Do things for him that will ease his life around his home life.  If mom has money saved for groceries, then you take her out (while he's at work) and help her.  Help with chores around the house.  If the windows of the house need washing, help him.  Hire someone to cut the grass to give him a break.  Send him a nice card letting him know you're thinking of him and how much you care.  Try renting a/some movie(s), pop some corn.  His life is no bed of roses...and any kindness would definitely be appreciated... whether he say so or not.

I know the feeling.  You 2 have my sympathy & my prayers.

Whenever you make plans...life happens.

Answer 11

talk to him, let his feelings release. he may cry but thts okay, thts part of the opening up thing. hope this helped, dont worry, i feel like that too.