How many times have you looked at Stuart Broad and imagined yourself in his shoes? Despite his athleticism and his windswept golden locks, the average slacker cricket fan is not much moved by his dreamy appearance. The mystery
might lie in his annoying teenage face, or the fact that it is simply hard for the average man to be able to relate to the modern day athletic cricketer.
The most fascinating, nay enthralling of creatures in cricket have all been horizontally challenged men. Men we called the ‘big ships’. Men like, Inzy, Shane Warne, Tubbs, http://www.senore.com/Cricket/Collins-c51521 Milburn, Cowdrey and Dwayne Leverock. Without these
men, the very game itself would have immeasurably diminished. Unfortunately, the world of cricket is simply too unforgiving to the fat man. His feelings, his talents ignored against the greater intelligence of the cricket boards who refuse to patronize the
fat cricketer. The cricketer’s we love so dearly.
There are people amongst us, who do not seem to get upset with Ijaz Butts monotonous rants during a press conference.
However there happens to be one thing that the cricket fans worldwide will agree upon: all other factors being constant, we love the fat man. This love does not take root in the fact that the fat man is amusing to look at, or the
fact that we tend to ascribe a friendly countenance to him. It is simply based in the rather misleading knowledge that we allow ourselves to believe - the fat man is relatable. We can very well imagine ourselves playing for a local pub team with the fat man
playing with us.
He is the man of our dreams. The man who is living our dream. With fish and chips of course.
The fat man is a product of much simpler times, of times where children played hide and seek, when agents weren’t discovered, a time before the merciless central contract or product placement or bad cholesterol. Unforgiving professionalism
has made even the best cricketer seem relatively detached to the ordinary cricket fan. A demi god perhaps. Agreed, demi gods have their own charisma, but then again we appreciate more the rather deceptive illusion of amateurism, where we for a fraction of
a second believe that it all comes to them as easily as putting a sausage in a pan or swashbuckling the ball all around the ground.
We have lost our love for cotton candy and beep tests. It is only through the horizontally challenged that we can manage to rekindle our love for such trivial joys. Which is why, it is absolutely necessary for all teams in the
cricket world to patronize and love the fat man. In fact there must be a provision that all teams must sport a fat man. At least one. The criteria for a fat man could be devised, through body and weight mass index or ratio’s, or whether they are able to keep
on Ijaz Butt’s trousers without a belt. Players who weigh just below the required weight, would then have to binge all night before the game to raise the few necessary pounds to qualify for the post. Teams who fail to play the ‘big ship’ or field them for
that matter must be then fined and disqualified.
Cricket is love for us. We must ensure that the game is played by all shapes and sizes irrespective of colour or weight. Unity in diversity must be our logo. For all of us mere mortals need constant reminders that cricket is not
a game played by automatons but humans. Imagine the market and interest the game will then generate in the millions of obese children all over the world who would in effect want to do away with sweating and wheezing to indulge in the greatest game known to
mankind.
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