Recovering alcoholic friend said I am a trigger?

Question

What does that mean? She has been sober for 6 months and just called me for the first time. She said that she has not called or made contact with me because "You are a trigger for me. I knew you were safe.". What does that mean? I am trying to be supportive we have been friends our entire lives and I do not drink at all so I totally confused as to what that was supposed to mean. I always thought that triggers to addicts were a bad thing. If I don't drink and wouldn't "allow" her to drink why can't she be around me?

Answer 1

It means she's been brainwashed into dumping everyone from her drinking days, even the ones that were good to her so she can spend all of her time with her new AA buddies. This is a very cult-like practice.

Someone I know even helped finance his lady friend's rehab. He was a non-problematic drinker who quit when she decided to quit; nothing but supportive. She won't see him and she spends all her time in meetings with her new AA boyfriend. She has no time to work so she can pay him back either.

"About 25 percent of marriages break up within a year of one partner's joining AA, says Barbara McCrady, Ph.D., clinical director of the Rutgers Center for Alcohol Studies."

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/...

In AA, they call people who don't have a drinking problem "normies" or "earth people" and say how they cannot possibly understand them and how they need to stick to fellow alcoholics. This speech is usually delivered to a young female by some guy that is attempting to "13th Step" her, in other words, get in her pants. It is a common practice in AA despite all the talk of 'no new relationships for a year'.

http://anonpress.org/faq/files/read.asp?...

"Fifty-five women, aged 17-72 years, completed an anonymous survey to describe their experiences with 13th-stepping by men in AA. Results showed that at least 50% of the participants had at least occasionally experienced seven of the thirteen 13th-stepping behaviors listed in the survey. Also, compared to women who had never attended a female-only AA group, women who had attended such groups reported more 13th-stepping experiences from their attendance at coed groups. Two of the study participants volunteered that men they met in AA had raped them."

http://www.informaworld.com/smpp/content...

Answer 2

Yes a trigger is someone or something that triggers a reaction. So you trigger the reaction of drinking. It maybe that you remind her of her drinking days or maybe that she cant have anything to do with that time. It can also be that you trigger memories that upset her (this isnt your fault). Also it maybe that you want to talk about it and she cant and it makes her drink. No offence but she may feel you are nagging her.  

Answer 3

It is good news that your friend is sober for 6 mos. You would benefit by attending a few Al anon meetings in your area. They are for Family or Friends of Alcoholics. There you will learn more about it, what can and cannot be done for the Alcoholic. Hopefully how to deal with the behavior  of the Alcoholic. Best wishes, for you and your friend

Answer 4

OK since you don't drink. its something else that you do that causes her to want to drink.  Ask her what you are doing that makes her believe you are a trigger.  maybe its what you say?  Don't feel bad though. You're not doing it on purpose.  yes triggers are a bad thing. maybe you talk about it too much.  i would not even mention it when you are around her..don't remind him or her that she is a recovering alcoholic.  that's what most alcoholics hate.  only remind them if they say something like "gee I wish I had a beer right now" otherwise. treat them as you  would any other friend. DON"T MENTION IT,

Answer 5

It should be ok to ask her what she means. I would be confused and have questions, anyone would. It's reasonable for you to simply ask her what that means. The only way to lend true support is to be honest.