Red flag..i think he likes little girls!?

Question

a friend of mines boyfriend passed away last year leaving her with two young children two girls ages 2 and 4.. lately she has been spending a lot of time with a new guy that she has just meet. the guy seems nice and from what i can see is very good with the girls..but i couldn't help but think that he seems to pay a lot of attention to her oldest..he buys her things and takes her out with him..alone. i have asked her about him and how things are doing and she said that things were great. but i couldn't help but think that things didn't seem right in someway. she wants him to move in with her, but i don't really think that it's a good idea. should i tell her that i think her new guy maybe after her little girls or do you think i should what until i know for sure?

Answer 1

discuss it with her. that's what friends are for. if my friend had an issue like that with my bf, i'd want to know, and if i found out later that they had a good clue about it and they didn't tell me,i'd kill them!  besides...i'd rather lose a friend that couldn't take my concern properly than run the chance i knew what was going on and didn't do anything about it.  

Answer 2

well as a friend you are just watching out for your friend. from what i just read it does sound kinda wierd for a guy to pay attention to that one and not the other and all of a sudden wants them to move in together, something is kinda giving off a red flag.

but i do agree with on of the answers that you cant get too involved. its her choice and you cant make that decision or call that its not right for some reason, but as a friend you can talk to her. i mean she trusts and loves you as a friend so she'll listen and if she reacts badly just be on standby if it goes downhill.

you sound like a great friend and i hope you are wrong and nothing happens.

please help me:

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Answer 3

you should tell her right away.

too many child molestations have happened because of this very situation.

she has the right to know that she could be endangering her children and she may be too blind in love to notice.

you should definitely tell her ASAP

Answer 4

That is very alarming...if it was my bestfriend with the weirdo boyfriend i would so say something.

Answer 5

mind ur own business and stay out of other ppls lives

u could be wrong and are gossiping

Answer 6

i dont think ur gossiping i think u really care about ur friend and u want to make sure she and her children r safe i think u  should have a private talk with her about it cuz it does seem creepy

Answer 7

Things like this are touchy, but my experience has been that if you have a gut feeling as well as evidence (solid evidence usually requires a confession or for the perp to be caught in the act, unfortunately. This usually comes too late and a child has already been harmed), then talk to the authorities about this.

Child sexual abuse is very common and should be taken very seriously.

Answer 8

Just mention that you are concened about this. and try not to make ur friend paranoid about him

Answer 9

oh man that is a hard dilemma to be in

cos either way nothing good will come of it. if u tell her ur suspicions she will probably react very defensively and may not even want to see u again.

then again if something is going on and your intuition is correct then you would never forgive yourself if something happened.

i think you should subtly tell her to just be careful and take things slowly. but at the end of the day its her life and the choice is hers and it not your responsibilty to look out for her or her kids for that matter.  

Answer 10

I think you should tell her about your concerns, make sure she knows it's in the best interest of her and the kids. This is very serious and you shouldn't let it go until you're 100% percent, you might never be.

Let her know and she can talk to the little girl or she can take her to a therapist who specializes with children and if anything's going on, one of them should be able to get it out of her. Tell her to go about the conversation gently (not pushing too too hard to the point of the girl breaking down), and that she makes sure the girl know that she can can talk about anything and won't get in trouble.

If something is going on, she'll need to be pushed a little to talk about it...most men who do this will tell the kid that they made them and it's their fault or that's it's an okay thing to do but it has to be a secret or else they'll have to stop and there won't be anymore fun. Some men even go as far as saying things like "you'll make me very happy if you do this and you want to make me happy don't you?" and little kids live to please the adults in their lives so in her mind, she's doing what she's supposed to...making him happy.

You might not ever be 100% on what's going on, he can hide it if he wants to and after a while the little girl will just think it's everyday life which isn't right at all.

Best of luck

Answer 11

omgeez, I don't know what to say.

TELL HER! ASAP!

Answer 12

Well, you run the risk of deeply offending your friend. But at the same time I'm sure she would be grateful that you are looking out for her children, especially if something were to happen. Maybe you could just bring it up that you find it a little weird how much time he spends alone with the girls. Not in an accusing way, but just ask her to keep her eyes open. And I would try to keep an eye out too as much as I could. Instincts are important, especially for a parent. If this guy creeps you out, there could be a good reason. Please tell your friend to be careful, even if it means giving up on this guy.  

Answer 13

Test him first so that you know before you say anything to her.  He could just be trying to be nice, so you can't accuse him of anything because she will just get mad if you don't have any proof.   Ummm, what's a good way to test him?  Idk, maybe snoop around in his stuff, or check the history on his computer.  

Answer 14

Well, you haven't offered any proof so I'd say to just keep your eyes open, but until you know for sure, keep your mouth shut.  

Answer 15

Definately tell her she has the right to know if those little girls are in danger. Don't wait until something bad happens. Tell her now. Even if you are wrong maybe your friend will think you were looking out for the children.