16 but really 12?

Question

Not sure why I can't get anywhere with my son ... He is 16 going on 12 . How do I connect with him?

Answer 1

I have a nephew that is also 16 going on 12...more like 16 going on 8. At this age it is going to be hard for you to connect with him, I remember being 16, I didn't want to hear anything my parents said. I thought I knew everything and they knew nothing because they were "old" and didn't have a clue about the world I was living in...I was so wrong, I know that now, but at the time I just wished my parents would lighten up and listen to me when I talked. My children are yound, 2 and 10 months, but what I see my nephew's parents doing wrong is not enough envolvment, they know he's ahrd to talk to and he's quite bullheaded so they just ignore his behavior, I think he needs someone to talk to him more...about his life...what's going on with him, his friends...just making him sit down and talk! I think this may help you also...it maybe hard to get him to talk at first but if you make a habit of continuously talking to him about him you will get a better understanding of him. Hope this helps. Teenagers can be tough, good luck.

Answer 2

this make s no sence

Answer 3

Sheba,

Only another mama would understand this! ;)

It's mostly his age and developmental state. He hears what you are saying, but it doesn't register. So, in order to connect, try "hitting him where it hurts" - restrict some of his privileges until he cooperates with you, or increase privileges when he does.

To give you a grin - my former next-door neighbor was 1 of 7 brothers. All were longshoremen, all big, strong men. When they were younger, and all living at home, their tiny (4'10") mama would wait until the offending son had gone to sleep to whip him with a belt. All 7 brothers grew up well.

(I'm not advocating whipping a child with a belt!)

Answer 4

tell him to grow up

Answer 5

Rephrase?

Answer 6

I know it's probably hard, but I know it was really hard for my mom to connect with my brother when he was 16 so she just let my dad or my step dad talk to him when things weren't going so well.

Answer 7

Its normal. Work out a system with him. Like for instance, if he cleans his room(Or some other chore)he gets a reward. It sounds childish, but it actually works. My mom told my brother if he took out the trash and cleaned his room(Its like bringing a dog thats been dead for years back to life)he could watch a movie(Not that he did it...But it sometimes works).

Answer 8

wattttt? i dont undersatnd

Answer 9

I don't really understand your question. Sorry.

Answer 10

Sometimes that can be almost mission impossible.  Is there a male figure in the home?  And even if there is, it can still be hard.  When my son turned 15 it was like talking to a turnip.  It seemed like he just would not heed anything at all that I was telling him.

A lot of times, boys at that age have a lot of peer pressure going on.  They think that they are men.  We are nothing but women, and they feel that they shouldn't have to listen to us.  Although you love him and are trying to do what you think is best for him, he is going to go opposite of you every time.

Teenagers in general, even girls are the same way.  Parents are stupid.  We don't know anything.  All they know is, we are messing up their lives.  We don't let them do anything, we embarass them in front of their friends, and they will generally tell everyone they know that they hate us.  

Basically, the word is, don't give up.  It will take some time.  They usually see the light by the time they are 18 or 19.  I know that seems like forever.  And it does.  I've been there myself.  But when the light does come on, it will stay on.  And you will be a very proud mother.

So if you have to sound like a broken record, be a broken record.  You are being a parent.   Thats your job.  Don't take any guff.  Don't back down.  Sometimes what your kids attempt to get away with, is what they see their friends getting away with at their homes.  

Like I used to tell my kids.  I ain't your friends mama.  I'm your mama.  And I ain't standing for it. Kids will try you.  But you have to stand your ground.   As I said, it will take a while before he really understands that mom is not the enemy.  But one day, if he doesn't verbally tell you that you were right about something, you will just see a complete change in your son.

This is when you will know that all that you have said, has finally dawned on him and that 100 watt bulb is shining brightly.