16 yr old getting married! help?

Question

Okay so this question is not for me it's for my friend she's convinced that she's in love with her boyfriend they have been going out for as long as i can remember and as her friend im worried that she'll end up getting hurt i mean yes i know she's young and everything and i've told her that but she doesn't seem to understand

now my question is what do u guys think? i plan on showing these answers to her so don't be 2 harsh! i just want her to think twice before she decides to take that step

any of you gotten married at such a young age and your marriage failed? any advice for her would be great

thanx in advanced

Answer 1

People change ALOT between 16 & 25. It's not my life, but why lock yourself into a relationship with some one when you don't even know your adult self yet?

It depends alot on the type of person. But it's such a big wide world. Just keep dating & get out & explore. Give it time, grow learn & experience things first. Go to college or tech school (you won't survive now a days without an education) first, work for a while, then when you're 27-30 & still in love, go for it.

Think about what could happen even if it seems like it never will:

Do you want to be a divorce at age 18 or 20? Not something to be proud of.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Tell her not to get married yet.  Things change, college and high school might change things.  Why go through the possibility of divorce when you're that young? Get engaged, then wait it out until you're old enough and mature enough to make that decision.

Answer 3

Please tell her I got married at 18 and was a Mommy @ 19 and again @ 20 my husband was in the Marines and it was such a hard life.  We are still married but she is still so young!  Tel her to please wait, she's a baby and got the rest of her life ahead of her!

Answer 4

First of all, she needs parental permission if she lives in the USA to get married before turning 18.

I think that it is certainly possible that they have a great relationship and that they love each other.  And if this is all true, they don't need a marriage certificate just yet to prove it.  They can stay together without getting married right away, or they could opt for a long engagement.  She could wear the engagement ring for 4 years.  Getting married doesn't keep people together any more than not getting married breaks people up.

Answer 5

if they're really meant to be then they should be able to wait. Being in a relationship (married or not) is the same. The only difference when your married is the possibility of living by yourself, having kids, having jobs, etc. is all of that so exciting at 16? wouldn't you rather be young while you can?

Answer 6

16 is way to young to be married, as her friend you have the right to at least try to talk her out of it she does need her parents consent do she has her parents to sign that consent? anyways if she do then there is nothing you can do but try to talk to her and tell her there is some many things to do before one goes and get married and how hard marriage life is there is nothing wrong to wait a couple of years but talk to her carefully if she seems to get upset then back off and be there when she really needs you after the honey moon is over.. Good luck.

Answer 7

My first marriage was at sixteen and I regret it so much.  We had a lot of financial issues, we could not even put a light bill under our name, several times we had nothing to eat or money to buy clothes.

That led to physical abuse. The relationship lasted 1 year.

I honestly wish I would have waited until I was 25. That is the age that I met my now my husband, we have been together for five years and have two beautiful kids.

Answer 8

I am assuming her parents have agreed to this because she will have to have parental consent.

At any rate, I would suggest looking up divorce statistics as well as financial, educational and career statistics (what kinds of jobs and how much money they make...how many depend on the government) on VEY young marriages.

Answer 9

No 16 year old knows what real love is.  Oh, sure, she thinks she does, but she is far from an adult.   Flipping burgers all of her life doesn't sound very good to me, and that is all she is qualified to do.  

Tell her to finish high school, and get a further education, so she can get a decent job.  If this is the true love that she thinks it is, it will last, and they can get married after college.

I don't expect her to believe what we've said about waiting.  She will find out that we are right, though...  

Answer 10

Their marriage has a much better chance of lasting if they learn and use this:

http://www.google.com/search?client=oper...

Answer 11

i got married right after i turned 19.. i got divorced at 26.. the thing is, people, especially women, grow up and change so much, from their personalities, what they want to go to college for, their friends, to what kind of car they want to drive... there is ssssooo much changing that happens between that age and say, 25... heck i am almost 27 and i am still changing things... the man i am in love with now, i never could have been when i was even maybe a few years younger.... and, because i was married, i couldnt just go run home to my mom and dad is my bills got too high or i lost a job or my husband lost his job ir did something wrong.. when i married and moved out, i was on my own, with him... now that i am divorced, my parents help me out and take care of me again, because when they brought me into the world, they promised to care for me... not me and whatever man i happen to cling to.. he has his own parents for that.. and since i needed to make $$ ffor the apartment and bills and everything, i didnt have time to finish school... so, now, becausse i married so young and changed so much that i am now divorced, 27 years old girl, with no education besides a hs diploma which doesnt get you very far now a days, and i am bankrupt.... dont met this be you... it is far too difficult being grown up... stay dependent on your parents at least through college.. go away and dorm if you mist, but dont tie yourself down and miss out on life.. i never got to dorm or party at college.. that is the one and only thing i regret about my past... my marriage failed, but i learned from it... but i do regret not going away and really experiencing college... and you cant do that if your married

Answer 12

Well I was 19 when my first wife and I decided to take a stroll down the aisle.  Believing that we were all mature and new what love was and could solve all the problems of the world we did not listen to our parents and went ahead and married.  She was pregnant and we thought we would be the best and coolest parents ever.  Well two years later our son was growing up and seeing things that someone his age shouldn't see.  Our house was a party central and the cops might just as well have opened up a second detatchment in our basement as they were regular visitors.  Obviously this marriage did not last.  We had hard feelings towards each other for a couple of years.  But today I am happy to say that this son is now 33 years old and has made us grandparents of the two most wonderful granddaughters on this earth.  My ex and I are all over the old bull we had to live through and are actually very friendly towards each other.  Do I personally believe that this is to tender an age to marry.  I certainly do.  But all I can do is tell our story as I do not want to encourage anyone either for or against this marriage at that age.  But fact of live is there is still far to much learning and living to be experienced before kids this age should start acting all grown up and marrying.

Answer 13

Ure Crazyyy U no That, wow where to start, Money Wise, Ure Done, many jobs require special skills, education and trust me flippin burgers might get  u a happy meal but not a happpy life. TJust think about it, ull be constantly at work, and that will lead u to stresss which could cause medical problems and how are u gonna pay for that, and yea groceries are crazy, milk-4.00 are u kidding me and plus gas prices WAIT u dont even have ur license yet and rhen comes a kid, ...the list goes on!

Answer 14

I got married at seventeen. I had no job skills, not even a high school diploma.  We moved away from my family.  I had kids.

Long story short. I had to stay a long time until the kids were independent enough for me to be able to work and gain some work experience. Its been a long hard struggle.

At sixteen she'll rationalize everything because that's what young people do, just like I did.  Its hard to see into the future and everyone wants to think they have all the answers and everything under control. It is far easier to think this when you've less life experience.

Believe me, its not easy and here's the real glitch: She's a girl.  She'll have regular s*x in her new "marriage" and if he doesn't pressure her to, soon she'll end up pregnant anyway as no birth control is 100% positive accept sterilization.  She's too young for that.

So, she'll end up with a kid within a year, statistically that's really all that a girl with no education and limited job skills has to offer; housekeeping and childcare.  Some woman, saddled to a marriage young spend their whole lives with just those two skills to draw on for experience.  What a life.

Here's to her:

A child costs thousands if not by now tens of thousands of dollars to raise over its life time. That's thousands of dollars that can go into your education, into buying a house, travel, whatever.  But a kid?

And oh, you say you'll never have a kid. Ok, I'll bite.

You still have tied yourself to a lifetime commitment when you haven't even lived your own life.  Sixteen is just old enough to begin to drive a car! You haven't even driven around the block by yourself for more than a few months if at all and now you are ready to settle down into marriage what??

Is that all you have for opportunity?

Where are you going to live? At mom and dad's house? In an old run-down tenement? Choose one or the other and if your parents aren't willing to put you up (and why should they?) settle on the run-down tenement.

And what on earth will you do with your time once you both are done with your low wage dead-end jobs? Sell drugs, dodge bullets in your ghetto apartment? Count the roaches that come out when the lights are off?

Do you know why poor people in the ghetto have nothing to do? Because they have no job skills to make enough money to afford anything to do but the above and some other activities (such as running from the cops, breaking windows, arguing with eachother or their relatives, working on their junk car so they can go to work on a Sunday afternoon).

Oh and yeah, low wage jobs usually have sucky hours too. Get used to that if you don't finish your education and get at least two years of college or training behind you.  You'll be waiting on someone working nights, weekends, holidays, christmas eve, easter, you name it.

And when you are sick, or bored, or tired, they don't care because they'll fire you and get someone else to replace you in one week and have them trained for your job in two weeks.  See how that works?

So, have a good boring life.  I know it was quite a trip going through kindergarten, grade school and junior high and part of high school.  I know you are old, decrepit, worn out, have seen everything there is to see and done everything there is to do and now its a matter of settling down, making babies and thinking of great stories of your adventures to tell your grandkids.

Answer 15

Getting married at that young of an age is really not a good idea .

By getting married at a such young age will most likely end in divorce with in 2-4 years . The reasons being is that at this young of an age you are both not fully grown and you both will eventually out grow each other . Also you have not given yourselves enough time to date others and in the long run you will miss all of this and one or both may stray .

You will always wonder what it would have been like if you would not have got married and dated others .

Then of course marrying at a young there is the likely hood that you will become pregnant and have to drop out of school which will result in taking a low paying job and struggling just to make ends meet .

Plus missing out on all of the school activities , drifting apart from your friends , and the main thing that you will regret missing out on is your prom .

Right now you may not think the prom is that big of a deal but trust me as you get older you will look back and regret not being able to go to your prom . The prom is a major milestone in your life .

I have known several of people that got married early and 90%-95% of them are now divorced . I myself included . I was married at the age of 18 and even that is too young .

Please , slow down and enjoy being a teen , you only have one chance at it , take advantage of it while you can .

Being married isn't a bed of roses like you may think . It's not like playing house when you were a little girl .

Being married comes with a lot of responsibilities .

You have to find a job , which any more good luck with that . If you don't have a college degree now a days , you may as well count on taking the first low paying job that comes along . And because it is a low paying job there will be no insurance so how will you afford medical & dental if you need it .

Along with working you will be responsible for all bills . Mom & Dad wont be there to pay them for you . And the price of groceries now is ridiculous !

Then there's cooking . cleaning , dishes , laundry , if you have kids changing diapers and waking up at all hours of the night .

So please really think about it . If you really think about it you will know that waiting until you are older would be the best decision you could possibly make .

Answer 16

We all end up getting hurt. The fact that we might get hurt is no reason not to do something. They say that when we are old we don't regret the things we did as much as the things we did not do. Personally I think she's very young and she almost certainly will get hurt (or hurt him), but it may turn out to be an amazing growth experience for her nevertheless. Maybe this is what she has to do right now in her life. And maybe they will be together forever. I do think she should hold back on having kids, though. It's not fair to involve little innocents in such a risky venture - and it's risky because, at sixteen, your mind hasn't finished growing and you haven't yet become the person you will be.  

Answer 17

Marriage is seriously hard work.  It's good work, and worth it.  but it's hard.  Getting married young is even harder...there would be bills to pay, and the great possibility of children coming into the picture.

At 16, I do not believe that anyone really knows themselves, which will cause many problems down the road when they need to figure out just who they are to be an adult.  

Most marriages that start at a young age end up in divorce (I do not know the numbers), this is because the people change dramatically when they enter adulthood and all it's added responsibilities.  Alot of the time they cannot change and grow together, which would add to drifting apart.

My best advice to your friend would be to wait.  Start reaching your goals and dreams in life (at least finish high school!), and then you can decide if marrying this person is what you really want.