A poem comments please

Question

Hi Blue,

today I walked

on cobbles

where we

both grew.

Hi Blue,

I have to tell you

it's not the same,

it's all so new.

Hi Blue,

the ciders bitter

and not so sweet,

but I prayed on the

cobbles,

you laid your feet.

Hi Blue,

Please look down

and you will see,

the characters

of this town

are history.

Love you Blue x

Answer 1

This is significantly better than the last piece I recall seeing from you (if my memory serves me properly). The theme, friendship recollected and renewed, is nothing new, but none the less engaging for that.

If I were to offer a suggestion, it would be to lose the first line of each stanza entirely (except perhaps the first, where it's relevant to the rhyme) ; whilst the poem is clearly addressed to one significant person, from the reader's point of view, who may not know "Blue", but who may have someone equivalent in mind, it makes the poem a little more remote from his or her own experience, and the great value of poetry (where it is not, as so often on Yahoo Answers, mere self-indulgence) is the way in which it can tap in to the experience and world view of total strangers, and leave them recognizing something old in a new way.  The repetitiveness become more distracting on repeated readings, and upsets the essential simplicity and economy of the remainder.

I'm normally loth to suggest changing words, but I'd suggest changing "laid" in the last line of the third stanza to "pressed", or some other alternative. "Laid" has echoes of "laid to rest", whereas a word like "pressed" suggests a living dynamic action.  I'd also suggest dropping the last line, and leaving it to end with "the characters of this town are history", for I rather like the mild ambiguity in "history", suggesting as it does both past and present, gone and remaining.

Answer 2

I think it's lovely. Very simple, but yet so complex.

Answer 3

Nice sentiment, a little trite needs a bit of work. 6/10

Answer 4

U can express Ur thoughts & feelings freely, w/ no complications at all. Its so clear. U can say its the "take away " type of poetry. Its more lyrical. If U work it out a bit more, Y could get a song( more of Blues). If U substituted "Hey" for  "Hi", it 'd more meaningful then.I mean it draws a deeper, older, friendlier  relation. And how about :" Blue, I love U" for the last line.

Its soft, light, and descriptive. I like it..Keep on writing.  

Answer 5

thats a lovely poem, its so gentle

Answer 6

This is a poem of feelings

as well as talking about

what was done.

Like grew up

This poem is like a journal

its also like a letter

Each paragraph talks about

a different situation.

The poem talks about time.

The first

Hi Blue

( Dear Blue )

like a letter