ATT. CHRISTIANS: Single adoption??

Question

I am a Christian girl and I someday want to have kids. However, I don't really want to get married because my parents have a TERRIBLE marriage that is put me through a lot of misery. So I am interested in someday adopting a child, but as a single mom. I was reading about it and it seems like a lot of Christians discourage it because it seems to go against the traditional family in the Bible (ie. mom, dad, kids...etc.) But I don't think I want to get married (and I am against s*x before marriage) so would it be ungodly/wrong for me to adopt as a single mom? (as a doctor, well-off salary etc.)

Answer 1

I have no idea where you read that Christians discourge adoption.  In fact, I am with a Christian support group who helps ANYONE adopt a child.  I never heard of Christians discourging an adoption.  Even single parent ones.  It isn't against any "traditional" Biblical family.  There were many single paernts in there and their children were Blessed by God. Ishmael comes to mind for one.  There are others though.  I would be curious to know where you "heard" or "read" that information.

Answer 2

Rheanee,

You're in college, right? You're still pretty young to give up on the idea of marriage! Just because your parents haven't managed a positive relationship doesn't mean that you can't! I think you should give yourself some time before throwing the idea out the window completely.

In my life God = Love so anytime you show love you are being "Godly", IMO.

As to adoption,  there is nothing wrong adopting as a single mom IF you are prepared and committed.There are many ways for single mothers to adopt although I would highly recommend Foster Care Adoption.

Before you chose to adopt, however, you should do some serious "homework". Research adoption, hang around the adoption section of Y?A for a while, read some books and blogs, learn about all the complexities and complications of adoption, listen to some adoptees and learn to view things from their perspective - adoption takes far more than just a desire to parent and an open heart.  Before you commit to a child, please make sure you have prepared yourself to address not just your own needs, feeling and issues but those of your potential child as well.

Good luck with where your life takes you and however you choose to build your family, I hope it is a happy and healthy one!

PS.  - There are a million ways to become involved with and have positive influence on children in the meantime - Volunteer as a Big Sister, Become a CASA or GAL, work with your local YMCA, YWCA or Salvation Armey Girls & Boys Club, mentoring...

Answer 3

My sister adopted 2 little girls and raised them herself for almost 7 years until she got married a year ago.  She wasn't against the idea of marriage but I know she gave these girls the love and devotion children need!  One of them had gone through a lot with some foster "families" and I believe was born with drugs in her system (the other child is my birthdaughter!) -- I truly believe anyone who takes on these challenges with the love she did are truly blessed!

Answer 4

No. I am a Christian and even teach in the childrens program. If you plan on doing domestic infant adoption then you will have a bit harder road. You could always do foster care as Gods work. I have heard before about the church looking down on singles adopting but what about all the orphans of the world. Do they think some dying child in Haiti is better off there than with a single? I think some people have their head in the sand about what these children really go through.

Answer 5

My personal feeling is that children do best in a 2-parent home of a married man and woman. Each parent brings different things to the process of raising a child, which cannot be adequately met by the other parent alone.

I realize that coming from a home with a less than ideal marriage, you would be concerned that history would repeat itself. But I believe that with prayer and counseling by a good Christian counselor, anything can be overcome. Remember nothing is too difficult for God! You could meet the man of your dreams and have  a wonderful fulfilling marriage. Who knows what God's plans might be for you?

Even if you were to be a single parent, how are you planning to show your child what a good, healthy marriage looks like if you don't learn it yourself and heal the wounds from your childhood? By not showing your child what a marriage should look like, aren't you dooming him/her to the same fate you feel you're doomed to?

Just some things to think about!

Answer 6

Pray about it. Trust that when God puts someone in your life (who He picked for you), your marriage will be a million times better than your parents. My parents had a messed up marriage too, but I believe that God has something better in store for me IF I listen to Him.

Basically, its not a sin to adopt as a single parent, but it shows a stronger faith in God to wait until He says that you (and your husband) are ready.

Get married (someday :-) ), and adopt/make all the babies God has planned for you two. God bless!

Answer 7

I believe that any person who adopts with the intent of helping a child who doesn't have parents, and who can make a better life for the child, with love, attention, and a safe, loving home, is doing a Christian thing.

Because of the fact that in our state, we would have to be married for several years before adopting, and if I got married I'd be losing a lot of my income (I'm a widow), I adopted as a single parent, and although he's not legally daddy, he's more of a father than 99% of dads I've ever seen, and in my family, I've seen some wonderful ones! I have adopted as a single person.  We all go to church together, and my son said "da-da" before he said "ma-ma" (although I got love voooo with mine!).  Our church knows the situation, and is very good to us.  I believe that many single women through the ages have taken care of children whose mothers died.  These girls were thought of as patient, and godly.  I also believe that you are for wanting to make a better life for a child.  The one thing I would question is that as a doctor, would you have a backup support in case you had to go into work at the last second, and would your hours be condusive to raising a child as a single parent.  It wouldn't be beneficial to a child to be adopted then passed into daycare a lot.  Good luck, and when the time is right, you'll know it.

Answer 8

Some of the people from my church were opposed to me adopting. I heard more than once how much better off a child is with both parents, how I should let "real" families adopt children, etc. You know what, they are wrong. My daughter had been on a waiting children's list for a long time and due to her age and medical condition, no "couple" would adopt her. I knew when I saw her face that she needed me as much as I needed her. It has not always been easy, but I NEVER fall back on the excuse of being a "single" mom as to why I can't do things. I work hard at ensuring she and I both have the best life we can have. We have continued in the church and have changed everyone's perceptions of a single mom adopting. It has not been easy and I wish I had someone to bounce things off of now and then, but I have NEVER regretted it even when it has been difficult. I am so sure it was the right decision, that I am now adopting a second daughter, again one that no couple would adopt.

Go through some counseling and determine if you really don't want marriage. These are questions they will ask before you can adopt. Make sure of your answers. I would personally get married if the right man came along, only I have been involved in rather stupid relationships the majority of my adult life, rather non that would lead to marriage.