Adopting a teen?

Question

I'm adopting a 15 year old girl and she is due to come home in 2 weeks. This has been going through the proses for 2 years now. I have 2 other children a 12 year old girl and a 9 year old boy. The children have meet a few times and got on quite well. However all of a sudden my 12 year old girl has got all worried. (We have all gone through counseling and perpetration for this). I have assured her that I will still have lots of time for her and that I will not love her any less but she is still worried. I know this is normal but dose anyone have any experience like this? or any advice?

Answer 1

I wish I could give Shelley two thumbs up!

Answer 2

Way to go.  We have six adopted children and it's always a transition to bring home a new child.  I would encourage you to try to get specifics from your 12yo about what she is concerned about.  No point telling her she'll still get your attention if she's really worried about what her friends will think or if this other girl will take her stuff without asking.  Once you can identify what she's concerned about try to see if she just needs you to listen or if she wants you to 'do' something.  Maybe you could work out a list of house rules (no taking other people's things, no telling other people's business, etc.) so everybody will know the expectations.  We always have to spell out the house rules for everybody each time.  The new kid needs to know them and it seems a good time for everybody to decide to push the limits.

On a side note, I'd cut down on the plans for at least a month or two.  Even all that company that wants to come meet the new one.  It's exhausting to rearrange the family so give yourself a break.  If you have time to precook and freeze some stuff, do it.  Pretend like you're getting ready to add a baby and get some stuff done ahead of time.  That way, you're less busy and more ready to listen when somebody needs you.

Last thing, do the children have access to a counselor/therapist/social worker themselves?  You might want to set that up for at least the 12yo for a while so you have that in place already.  It's easier to do maintenance than to have a crisis and try to find people to help in a hurry - trust me.

Answer 3

the 12 year old just probly wants to be the oldest and thinks the 15 year old is gunna boss her around..

Answer 4

She probably got scared because all of this required so much prep a.d she doesnt know what to expect. Dont change your plans but when you get the 15 year old just spend alone time with all of your kids go to dinner or the movies!!! Hope this helps!!

Answer 5

I am sure u must have ur own reasons to adopt a fifteen year old. But u havent given the right reason to ur 12 year old. Talk to her, this is her adoloscent phase and she is in a vulnerable and yet aggresive phase of life.

Express ur unconditional love for her. Dot judge her, dot show her ur point of view, look at her point of view. She must be tense and upset as this will affect her equation with u people and the entire family and she would not be the eldest kid.

She needs to express her reservations and inhibitions and u must not act fast. Allow ur kids to trust ur decision. Explain the advantage she will have after having a big sis. also tell her, that the new sister will get a good home.

Key point-- Relax, listen and love.....

All the best