Adoption Agency Apartments??

Question

My sister is placing her twins up for adoption this January and is going to live in adoption agency apartments...

What are these and what do they do?

Answer 1

Wow!  How sad that your sister has to go to live in agency housing.  Isn't there anyone in your family willing to help her?  The quality of the housing varies from agency to agency.  I have heard that some are rat traps.   At the very least, I hope that someone goes with your sister to check the housing out to be sure it is safe and clean.

Sometimes the purpose of the housing is to isolate the pregnant woman from her family and friends to make sure that she does not get offers of help to keep her child.   When the housing is on an agency "campus", the agency owners want to keep a close eye on their baby-breeders to make sure that they don't change their minds about adoption after the baby is born.  They don't want to disappoint their paying customers.

Is your sister being moved to another state to give birth?  Another reason for apartment housing is to move the pregnant mother to an "adoption friendly" state to give birth.  That is a state where your sister will have very little time to make her final decision about adoption for her babies and once she does she will not be able to change her mind at all.  Utah is one of the worst - one lawyer called it a "baby warehouse".

Another reason is to try to get your sister to accept support from the agency.  That way if she decides to keep her babies after they are born, the agency will try to coerce into giving her babies away claiming that she owes them thousands of dollars.  A few months ago there was a mom on Y!A who this happened to.  She kept her baby and the agency was harassing the heck our of her with constant phone calls and beating on her apartment door.

I hope that a lawyer or your parents are helping to protect your sister's rights.  Some of these agencies are not nice people to deal with.

Answer 2

The agency we worked with in CA didn't have anything like this. However there were some PAPs (potential adoptive parents) who helped with living expenses. It was on a case by case basis, based on the pregnant woman's needs, and the PAPs willingness/ability to pay. However it was made very clear to us that any money paid was a gift!! and did not mean the woman was compelled to give her child for adoption. That decision can't be made legally until after the child is born. There are unscrupulous agencies/people that try to force women into placing the child for adoption,  even  if they think they would prefer to parent the child.

I would try to do some research on the specific agency your sister is dealing  with and see if they are reputable, and if living in the apartment would be used against her in any way. Among other things ask the agency what would happen if she changed her mind about the adoption,  and also if they can provider references to women who decided not to place their child after living in the apartments.

We did give some money for expense to our daughter's mom,  but overall it was very little. We didn't really help her with an apartment or anything substantial. She was able to stay with her family so didn't need that kind of help.

Answer 3

Do whatever you can to convince your sister NOT to abandon her children.

For whatever reason, she has decided not to have an abortion. Therefore she should do the job she signed up for, being a mother to her children.

Willing abandoners are the worst kind of mothers. The twins will probably grow up to hate her if she does this.

Answer 4

I have a feeling that if she were even to consider parenting her children, the agency would tell her she owes them back rent and whatnot and blackmail/guilt her into relinquishing.

It happens a lot.

I do not recommend that your sister rely on the agency for housing there is a good chance, they may try to use it against her later.

Nothing in life is free, especially when there are babies involved.

The thing that is truly harmful to women are unethical adoption agencies that offer free housing in exchange for babies.

ETA: It is illegal and unethical for potential adoptive parents to financially support a potential first mother in any way.  If an agency is supporting this kind of behavior, they should be reported to the authorities immediately.

Answer 5

I really suggest your sister NOT do this.

She would be better off in state subsidized housing, getting welfare if needed, and signing up for Medicaid to cover her medical expenses. It isn't forever, just until she can get on her feet again.

Even if she's totally sure about placing her baby now, she may feel differently after the child is born. Feeling obligated to the agency for supporting her during her pregnancy adds pressure to what should be solely her decision. She can still choose to place her baby for adoption after the birth if she feels it's needed, without accepting agency support that might later come to feel like obligation.

If she does decide to use agency housing, make sure she realizes that she still does not have to place her baby. The baby is not the trade for the housing. If she wants to parent, that is always her right, and the agency can't tell her no.

They probably will put pressure on her to place, though, even if it's only the pressure of their assumptions. If there's nothing you and your family can do to help your sister through her pregnancy, I really think it would be better for her to ask for assistance from the state rather than from an adoption agency.

ETA: To some other answerers, I think it's presumptuous and unfair to criticize the asker for not supporting her sister herself. All we know about the two sisters is that one is pregnant and one isn't-- why is it assumed that the one who isn't pregnant has the ability and the responsibility to provide for the one who is? She may not be any better off financially than her sister. It's obvious she cares, or she wouldn't be asking this, but she may not be able to do anything beyond that, and that doesn't make her in the wrong.

Answer 6

I have very bad vibes about this.

Adoption agencies will do whatever it takes to get the babies - that's how they make all that money.

Please make sure your sister knows all her rights - and make sure she reads this -

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

I wish your family all the best.

Answer 7

Many women who do not feel ready to raise their children struggle with finances.  Even if they were not struggling before, pregnancy can often hamper a woman's ability to work as much as she did before, and thus can cut into her income.  

Housing assistance is offered by many agencies to help the woman during this time.  It is important that both she and the baby remain healthy during her pregnancy.  Ensuring they have adequate housing is one way they do this.  Also, if a woman is not having to pay for rent, she has more money available to make sure she is well fed, on vitamins, able to rest, etc.  It can also allow her to save up money to live on during any time that may be needed to recooperate from the birth and emotional hardship that can come from placing children.  

I am pretty sure that Suzy is right when she says that it is illegal for the agency to try and charge her for these costs if she decides not to place her children.  However, just to be on the safe side, you should tell her not to sign ANYTHING without bringing it home to read through with you, your parents, or a friend.  Make sure there is no clause saying that anything provided is conditional upon placement.  Even if the agency is totally strait forward, it is bad practice to sign any legal document without first reviewing it completely.  

Good luck.  I hope your sister's pregnancy goes well and that she has chosen the best course for herself and the babes.  

Answer 8

they do everything in their power to NOT allow her to change her mind.

they're shamelss.

Answer 9

Just keep in mind that agencies make their money by ensuring that there are babies available for people who wish do adopt.  Providing for pregnant women is one way agencies can keep young mothers in a position of feeling like they cannot or should not change their minds about relinquishment following the birth, even though the law gives them the right to do so.

I advise against taking any help from the agency, simply because it sets up an unequal arrangement, where the pregnant woman may feel obligated to give up her child, even if she ultimately decides in her hear that this is not what she wishes to do.

This article was written by women who did give up their children.  It will help your sister be more informed about relinquishment and her rights.

http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index....

Answer 10

They're doing everything you're NOT doing.  They are pretending to support her giving her children up to strangers.

Why don't you HELP your sister KEEP her children.  She will NEVER recover from losing her kids.  It will be worse than having both of her her legs amputated.  Would you allow that to happen?!

Do you some reading:

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org

http://www.origins-usa.org

http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm

http://www.babyscoopera.com

http://www.b******s.org/bq/babb2.html

Adoption studies:

http://crimemagazine.com/07/adoptionfore...

http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/to...

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

Books:

The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier

Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND

Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton

The Adopted break Silence by Jean Paton

The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler

Adoption: Uncharted Waters,by David Kirschner

Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David Brodzinsky

Answer 11

Hmmm, it doesn't sound like a good idea.

But despite what some will try to tell you, it is NOT illegal for potential adoptive parents to support the first/birth/biological mothers. One could argue that it's unethical (or argue to the contrary) but it's definitely not illegal.

And "make all that money"? Please. Most adoption agencies are big time money losers. (There are some exceptions, and I think it's wise to be wary of them.)

Answer 12

Housing and expenses are often one of the problems that mothers face during a crisis pregnancy. Good agencies provide housing so that adoption remains a possibility for young women.

Agencies can not and do not attempt to recoup the expense of this housing or other charity if the mother chooses not to follow through with an adoption plan.

Please note that the slanderous answers to the contrary are incredibly harmful to young women.

Answer 13

What are they?  Baby farms.

What do they do?  Ensure that a mother feels obligated to surrender her baby.  Often, cut off much of her social contact with "unsupportive" friends and family who may actually encourage her to keep her baby or support her if she wants to keep her baby.  

Why?  Because research has shown that residency at an agency provided "home" will more than double the chance of surrender:  (Namerow, Kalmuss, & Cushman, 1993)